(Closed) How do you deal with seeing everyone and their brother get engaged?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

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WannaBeABride:  I’m sure PP’s have already coveerd what I am about to say: but while I’m waiting, I detest all of the “cutesy, over-the-top, incessant’ reminders that my wonderful SO and I are still not engaged. I mean, I get it. They’re happy, but that is no reason to shove all of your Pinterest Quotes about being over-the-moon happy about OMG HE SAID SHE SAID YES in my face left and right. Generally, I am more than happy when I see my friends and family getting engaged, beginning a new chaper with their SO’s; but sometimes I just want to plead “give me a break!” It makes waiting all that much harder ~ and makes me fatter, LOL, because after seeing the umpteenth post about engagement photos/wedding ring shopping/trying on dresses/ and a million instagram photos, i tend to dive into my freezer for a pint of Ben And Jerry’s.   🙂

All in all, though, I’ve learned to simply say “congratulations,” and then avoid social media for a few days.

Post # 17
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yes, yes, yes. My situation is almost exactly as LibrarianBride! And I completely agree with what she said.

My younger sister got engaged before I did. It didn’t surprise me, and I wouldn’t say I was necessarily jealous of her, but it bothered me for a long time that her Fiance was able to realize she was the one before my boyfriend could have the same realization with me. Especially because we’ve been together almost a year longer than them, so it felt particularly insulting. (For the record we are still just boyfriend/girlfriend but are finally on the same page about getting engaged soon, so I’m not stressing about it anymore. I am a bit worried about what relatives may say to me at her wedding. Thankfully, there will be alcohol.)

However, I stopped making those comparisons once I saw how they are around each other. They get into little fights. They’ve never lived together before, and I don’t know if that’ll go smoothly. My parents have been around them a lot, and they’ve said to me that their first year of marriage will probably be a dose of reality for them.

Whereas with me and my boyfriend, we don’t bicker like that. We’ve lived together for over a year and are both very happy. It’s not to say our relationship is perfect, but it finally occurred to me that just because someone is married doesn’t mean their relationship is any better than mine, has any more love than mine, or that they’re any happier than we are. And that’s what really matters.

Plus, once the big day is over, that’s it. When their day has come and gone, it’ll be back to reality. I think of the friends who got married and how jealous I was when they were engaged. Funny thing is, I’m not really jealous of them anymore — it was only when they were boasting about it all over facebook. (Also, I deactivated my account, which helps. I deactivated it for other reasons, but it’s much easier not to get jealous when you don’t have a thousand pictures of rings and happy couples on your screen!)

 

Post # 18
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I know it sounds awful to say, but it feels like I’m going through the stages of grief. You know, depression, anger, bargaining… and I’m slowly approaching acceptance. As in, I’m starting to accept that we’ll never get married.

I’ve been with my bf longer than most of my friends and every single one of them are further along in their relationship than mine. Married, living together, engaged… even having kids. I’ve been to all their weddings, attended their showers, even threw some of them. I was happy for every single one of them, but the latest engagement left me feeling jealous, which is new. I was never jealous before. I think I’m just at the end of my rope. Maybe it’s good I’m finally reaching the stage of acceptance.

Post # 19
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee

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WannaBeABride:  It bothers me sometimes, but then I just remind myself of how happy we are and that we’re on our own timeline.

Post # 20
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I was a waiting bee too. Fiance proposed on our 6th anniversary-longer than most of the people we know. I was super jealous of people all the time! and it sucked to much!

Trust me though, it’s not like you are doing anything wrong or they are doing something right. Every guy is different. I know my Fiance would never propose within months because he just isn’t like that. We knew that we’d eventually get married, but waited for the right time.

Even though you see other couples engaged, it doesn’t mean that they have a commitment that you don’t. Fiance and I were just as committed to eachother for years before the engagement.

Post # 21
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Topnotch Resort, Stowe, VT

I feel the exact same way. I’m been with my SO 4.5 years, we’ve talked about getting married so many times, went ring shopping three times within the last year and a half… yet I’m still waiting. It can be incredibly frustrating, but I know that it hasn’t happened for financial reasons (SO is in grad school and not working), not because he isn’t ready to get married. He’s flat out told me that he would have proposed yesterday if he could afford it. I definitely go through phases where I get really jealous of other people and I have to avoid social media for a bit, especially since at age 28 this has been THE year for engagements and weddings… I swear someone else on FB is getting engaged every other day. I find that whenever I go through phases of jealousy and anxiety I go on Pinterest until I’m sick of looking at weddings and that usually gets it out of my system.

 

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