(Closed) How do you deal with someone who’s passive agressive?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@bakerella: I really don’t know if this will help because I have just started trying this myself. I have began to ignore that person. I don’t even entertain them, and I only talk to them when I want to. lol I think it is working because they are looking bad, and now trying hard to be back in my life (but it has only been a couple of weeks).

Post # 4
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Well I can be VERY blunt and forward, and I can tell you that bluntness isn’t necessarily the best way to deal with passive aggressiveness. It makes them feel attacked and I’ve noticed they tend to “shut down” when dealing with someone who is blunt and forward.

I don’t really have any other tips because I’m still trying to work on learning to deal with passive agressive people. Just don’t do what I mentioned ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

My mother is suuuuuuuper passive aggressive.  Once I started ignoring the behavior, things got a lot better.

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think its worth while listing out actual examples of things that have happened in the past, what she said and how it made you feel – she might be a negative nelly that is so wrapped up in her current down and not realize how she is affecting others around her

goodluck!

 

Post # 8
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Everytime they get passive agressive point it out.  There have been periodic spurts of PO with the FH when he was dealing with the ex.  I just pointed it out everytime he started and walked away.  He hasn’t done it in over a year now. 

Post # 10
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@bakerella: exactly ๐Ÿ™‚ my natural reaction is “cut the b.s.”, so it’s definitely been something i’ve had to actively work on. right now i’m trying to just be ‘non-emotional” and very factual with situations (i kind of ignore the behavior, but i try to interpret what they are saying and then repeat it back to them). however, it’s easier to do that with co-workers than it is with friends. good luck!

Post # 11
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

That is a tough one.  I think the only thing to do is stand up to them- turn it on them, be direct- IN the moment, while maintaining your cool.  Easier said than done.  Passive Aggressors are often sharks that like to control nice people by making them uncomfotable, but they are mice on the inside.  They often feed off of nice women.  Be calm and straightforward.  Often they will do it in front of others to “get your goat.” 

Post # 12
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@bakerella: oh i didnt mean to imply you had done anything to warrant her negativity, just that she might be so wrapped up in her own unhappiness she doesnt realize how she is affecting people around her, she could just be in a very unhappy place – or she could be like my mother, so wrapped up in her own life and selfishness that no one else can possibly be as important ๐Ÿ™

goodluck!

 

Post # 13
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

My mom is very passive aggressive. What has worked well for me is to point out how her behavior can make other people feel, how it may have hte opposite effect of what she is intending, and how she could go about getting her desired result in a different manner. No idea why but this has become one of the only ways to deal with her when she is in a snit. The other way I handle it is listening to her vent out her feelings and say I am sorry you feel this way. A lot of times she needs her feelings validated and aruing logic with someone who is emotional does not end well. If you are able to relate to them and let them know that even if their feelings aren’t based on facts they are valid feelings to have then move on to the factual points that may work.

Post # 14
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@bakerella:

I stay assertive. I don’t bite on their attempts to draw me in to their style of communication, I don’t respond to jabs, and if they throw them at me I tell them it’s not ok to do that with me… I tell them what my boundaries are in conversation/relationship to them, and if they don’t respect them then my boundaries will get firmer. As in, ‘if you continue to speak with me in this way I’m getting off the phone’, and then I do. It’s a lot easier with people I’m not related or close to, but with practice it got easier with everybody and I learned how to be firm without being aggressive.

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