(Closed) How do you deal with stress/anxiety?

posted 3 years ago in Wellness
Post # 2
9675 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

First of all, you should not feel like a failure for being prescribed an anti-anxiety medication. My husband has anxiety and has a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication as well. When the doctor first prescribed it for him (at the ER after a full-blown, hours long panic attack he couldn’t get under control) he didn’t want to take it but we had a talk about how this isn’t about weakness or being unable to cope but that mental health is different for everyone and sometimes we need a little extra help. He’s actually really glad he has the prescription now, as just knowing he can take it if he needs to helps with his anxiety! He rarely needs it but he does take half a pill occasionally.

Personally, I have to make the time for relaxation/de-stressing. I schedule it into my day when I need it. You say you don’t have the time but you need to make the time. Mental health is every bit as important as physical health so you shouldn’t feel guilty taking some me-time and taking a hot bath or getting a massage. I color when I’m super stressed out, I have a friend that knits, another who makes a cup of tea and reads an old favorite book (I’m a fan of this method as well). Another friend of mine bakes when she is stressed. Journaling also helps me destress. I feel like I see situations more clearly/rationally after writing them out. Basically, find what works for you and don’t feel guilty for taking the time or spending the money to do it!

Post # 3
10020 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

sunnierdaysahead2 :  Yes, try the medication at least for a little while to see if it works for you.  It usually takes almost a month for a new medication like that to really kick in.

I understand it must be difficult transitioning to commission work, that would stress me the hell out, too.  But be thankful you #1 Have work, and #2 Have a support system.

Remind yourself that you are not God.  You don’t have to always be the strong one.  Let people LOVE you.  Your boyfriend obviously loves you.  If he were in the same situation and he needed your help and you could and did offer, how would you want him to receive your gift? 

Being ungrateful can lead to a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety.  Start there, with being grateful for your many blessings.  Learn to chill out and relax.  Stop pushing so hard.  Think of it as avoiding wrinkles and that hard look that overly stressed out martyr types can get (lol).  😉

My way of destressing personally is wine.  And yoga.  And I love hot baths. Working out does not destress me.  Sex is a good destresser and I bet your boyfriend would appreciate it.  🙂   But obviously everyone is different.

I don’t mean to make light of your situation or your anxiety disorder, however, regaining your sense of humor may help.  They say laughter is the best medicine so give it a whirl.  And try the medication, it may just work!

Post # 5
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

sunnierdaysahead2 :  sorry to hear about all the stress you have been under. In all honesty, I does sound like a lot. I think it would really help you to be able to talk these things through with a professional.

The fact that you can’t find patience in you to relax with a book or in a bath is a bad sign… I would give medications a go to see if it helps. Once, when I was under a lot of stress, doing many things at the same time and trying to figure life for myself, I also stopped being able to actually stop for a moment and relax. Than I lost sleep and got all sort of physical pains. Than I went manic. Not to scare you, but I think it’s very very important for you to figure out why you can’t stop running and stressing and just find joy in relaxing! 

Post # 7
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

sunnierdaysahead2 :  I hear you, after we sent on a sick leave to relax and get back to work, I really didn’t know what to do with myself as I was so used to always being busy. Try to remember things you liked as a teenager or even as a kid. I got into horse riding again which is something I did as a kid. I also got a cat, which is a great addition to the family and also someone who can help you relax (by playing with it and cuddling with it). If you know what you want to do, like have a bath or read a book, but you feel anxious about it (like you should be doing something useful instead), than set a time. Make a list of things to do during the day and put a bath/book on the to do list as well, allocating it for instance 1h. Life this you will feel like you have been productive and not guilty! I know some things sounds weird, but as I also had to learn how to relax, I understand how difficult it actually is! I hope your sleep gets back to normal soon! And do try at least to talk to a therapist, it could really make a difference.

Post # 8
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I have dealt with anxiety issues my whole life and it got a bit better once I got off hormonal birth control. I now have the Paraguard IUD and even though I still have anxiety, it used to be constant and crippling regardless of if life was going well or not whereas my anxiety now seems to be more situational.

I am currently trying to find a psychatrist that I am compatible with to help me learn to manage that better (with therapy and possibly medication, depending on their recommendation), because while it isn’t consistent, I still have a hard time getting “out” of it once I am in. Have you considered therapy?

Also, getting a dog has helped me so much. Even when I am a wreck, when I am around him I have found that I can let go of things and move on a lot faster, or at the very least my anxiety dulls a bit when he’s around me. When I am overwhelmed I like to grab a glass of wine and take him on a walk around my neighborhood. Chills me out for a little bit.

Post # 9
1452 posts
Bumble bee

Based on your OP, RE doesn’t seem like the right fit for you.  There are people who thrive in a high pressure sales job where you can either win big or not make anything at all.  It does not sound like your personality fits this type of job and the stress it comes with.

My best friend went through something similar to you.  When she got married she moved several states away and had a hard time finding a job in her profession.  Just like you, she was used to a steady paycheck but since she also wanted flexibility because she was TTC, she landed a commission based job she thought would work for her b/c she wanted to only work PT if she got pregnant.  Well after a few months, she was miserable and stressed out.  She loved the flexibility she had with her schedule but not having a steady paycheck really killed her and she felt a lot like you did with her Darling Husband paying for most things. Her doctor also prescribed a low dose anti-anxiety med and it didn’t work for her and actually made things worse because she felt like a zombie/not like herself and her libido became nonexistent.  She tried yoga, meditation, exercising, medication (different types of meds), and therapy, but none of them worked for her.

Honestly, the only thing that helped her out was quitting her job and going to a different one with a steady paycheck.  Everyone thought she made a bad choice quitting her job (to others it seemed like a great fit) but all her health problems and mental stress disappeared once she switched jobs.   I’m not saying this will be the case for you, but from having witnessed what my Boyfriend or Best Friend went through, sometimes certain jobs do not mesh with who you are and its much better to know your limitations and stick with what works for you.

Post # 10
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’ve been taking anxiety meds for my GAD for years and years. I have a good job, friends and can function like a normal adult (most people wouldn’t know I suffer from GAD). Without the meds, well there are times I could not function and the anxiety took over my life (didn’t sleep for over a month, eye was beginning to droop). I was like you once, embarassed to take meds or didn’t want to have to rely on meds to get through my day to day. You can’t live like that. My doctor used the analogy, would you punish someone with poor eyesight for getting glasses? of course not! Mental illness is something many people cannot help or need some sort of support to get by! Theres no shame in that! If you ever need someone to chat with, PM me!

Post # 11
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

First of all, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! Even though you have always been able just “deal” with things, this may be why you are feeling all this anxiety now. Bottling up and sweeping away situations before can lead to this built-up tension and when you are constantly taking care of others and being strong for them, you are also absorbing their issues in a way. 

I deal with a lot of anxiety and can have full-blown anxiety attacks every once in a while, but I also sometimes deal with depression as well which is a great combo! While I don’t take medication, many of my family members do because it’s the right thing for them. However, I would say that those that do take medication began only after seeking counselling, and I do not take medication because luckily I was able to control my symptoms with cognitive behavioural counselling. I would suggest trying to see someone if you can, even if temporarily. I spent a few years in cognitive behavioural counselling that changed my life and helped me to develop the tools I need to manage my anxiety and my depression. If counselling alone had not helped, then I would have begun medication, which is what every medical professional I have seen has suggested. Counselling first and then medication if needed. I’m also not ruling out that I may need medication in the future…

I would suggest looking into mindfulness as well, which has really helped me to get my anxiety under control. While I’m terrible at meditating… I do sometimes practice a brief and very summarized mindfulness meditation that’s basically just breathing in very deeply a few times and counting the breaths to calm myself down. Think about what triggers your anxiety and try to eliminate these triggers or at least mitigate them as best you can. I know that overcrowded areas with lots of people/noise are terrible for me, so I avoid them, for example. 

Lastly, realize that reaching out for help is the STRONG thing to do. You can do this, and you will feel better. You can always reach out via private message to me if you need any encouragement. 

Post # 12
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

sunnierdaysahead2 :  I deal with anxiety as well, and have been in a similar job situation as yours, and I had to give it up because I could not deal with the stress of losing sales etc. It became very unhealthy for me and was just not worth it.
And honestly, I think – when dealing with anxiety – it is so important to know and accept your limitations. I know it sounds basic but it really is important to be able to set yourself up for succes (by not putting yourself in impossible/stressful situations) and to cut yourself some slack somestimes, when things don’t necessarily go as planned. Do NOT feel like a failure, because you react a certain way or have difficulties with certain things – everyone does, it’s part of being human!

It’s hard to really give advice other than the general stuff, but personally I would not be taking any medication for anxiety – unless it was controlling my entire life. Maybe try talking to a professional and get to the bottom of what triggers your anxiety, so you can hopefully work on improving it? I think the medication should be last resort, honestly.

And one more thing… Do you make time to just relax and clear your head? I think balance is VERY important when dealing with anxiety, because the lack of stability will increase the anxiety (at least from my own experience). Do things you love, make time to relax and just be… 🙂 


Post # 13
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

sunnierdaysahead2 :  ((((hugs)))) 

Now I’ve always liked you Sunnier, so you have to listen to me like I’m your mom or your big sister or a real llife friend that can sometimes be annoying: 

Get it out of your head girl, that you’re a failure because you’re on anti-anxiety meds!!!! Just kick that notion to the curb right now. Would you feel like a failure if you went to the doctor for a strep throat and were prescribed antibiotics? YOU are taking care of your emotional health and that makes you badass, not weak. 

I do get you re the stress of working on commission. If you’re not used to working on commission, the stress of an uncertain paycheque can be very stressful. But it’s telling that those around you say you seem happier in RE than in engineering…..so perhaps the pros outweigh the cons in this career switch? If things start tipping the other way, you can always go back to searching for an eng position. 

You seem to have a really supportive boyfriend, please let him be your rock when necessary. It’s so much harder to accept help than to be the one helping (fellow rock here), but sometimes it’s needed and even reassuring. 

Try to find other ways to chill. I’m a book lover- but it can be hard to concentrate when you’re mind is racing with anxious thoughts. When I’m relaxed, I love reading- but when I’m stressed I can read the same paragraph three times and not even retain it. You may have to search around for things you can enjoy that you can still do with your injury. 

Good luck sweetie, keep us updated


Post # 14
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Taking meds for anxiety won’t make you a failure. I’m 3 weeks post-partum and realized I’m struggling with anxiety. I went and saw a doctor yesterday and actually feel stronger because I was able to seek help and admit I couldn’t do it on my own. Started taking medication today and am really looking forward to getting over this hump!

Post # 15
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

sunnierdaysahead2 :  you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure! I see a therapist for my anxiety (I do not take meds).

You have nothing to lose by trying the meds to see if they help! It doesn’t have to be forever. Hugs!

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