(Closed) How do you deal with this in your relationship?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Since I am the one who pretty much keeps track of our calendars, I just let him know what my plans are. If he’s making plans with his friends without me, he will usually just ask me if we already have plans, and if we don’t, he’ll tell me what he’s planning. Neither of us have ever felt the need to “ask permission” to hang out with our friends. 

Post # 5
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@givemecouture:  It all usually starts with me hollering downstairs, or into the garage, or up on the roof or wherever the hell he is right then and asking, “Hey, are we doing something on Saturday?”  and he won’t hear me…so he’ll come over and I’ll repeat myself, he’ll ask why, I’ll say something ridiculous, like, “Because we’re going to harness all of the electricity in the area, and create a monster with it!”  he’ll give me a wilting look, I’ll tell him that I really want to go see a scary movie with my best friend where we may or may not do some serious hand holding…he’ll tell me he doesn’t think we’re doing anything that day, and that’s that.

Post # 6
Member
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know the calendar and my husband doesn’t really make plans, so I just tell him what I’ve planned if I have something I want to go do with girlfriends. I tend to do the same with things he IS involved in. Some things though I run by him first, and sometimes I will ask him how he feels about me going to hang out with the girls if we haven’t spent much time together recently, or I am just feeling sensitive towards his feelings lol. 

Post # 7
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

@AmyFarrahFowler:  100% the same. I schedule whatever I want because I know whether or not we would have conflicting plans. He usually checks with me just to make sure there’s nothing he’s forgotten about, but it’s definitely “Hanging out with X and going out for wings on Friday night” not “Do you mind if I do such-and-such?”

Post # 8
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We usually check with each other to make sure we don’t already have plans.  It’s more out of consideration and to make sure we don’t forget about something than “permission”.

Post # 10
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If it affects our own time (e.g. his lunch or my lunch), then it’s usually an after-the-fact “Hey, I went with so and so to lunch.” It’s more informational than anything else.

If it’s during a time when we otherwise would be with each other, then I usually make tentative plans, and then say, “Hey, the girls and I are thinking of going to xyz on Friday. Is it okay with you?”

The answer is always affirmative, but it’s nice to feel like your opinion was considered and that the option to say no is there. We rarely make firm plans so we both feel good about semi-committing to external plans before checking the communal calendar.

If it involves both of us, like a double date type thing, we both don’t commit until we check in with each other.

Post # 11
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I usually say “I’m planning to go out for drinks with Stephanie after work on Friday.”  I would know if we already had something planned.  If he objected for some reason, or I’d forgotten about something, he’d let me know. 

He is a big last-minute plan maker – his buddies like to get together for happy hour once or twice a week.  He usually asks/tells me that afternoon.  He knows I’m fine with it because I love having some alone time to watch my trashy TV.  My work schedule is all over the place, so he makes plans in advance when he knows I’m working in the evening.

Post # 12
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s kind of a combination of two and three for us. I have some health problems that cause fatique so I sometimes just want to hang out at home on the weekends. He will usually ask if we have plans and, if we don’t, ask if I mind if he goes out with his friends (which I rarely do since he hardly ever asks).

Post # 13
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We say “is it ok if…”

 

And it’s nearly always ok.

 

Post # 14
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

We usually ask each other if we have plans that day/weekend or if the one of us minds if the other goes out. Not that either of us is asking permission really, but if SO was looking to forward to spending the night cuddling on the couch, I don’t want to simply tell him I’ll be going out with the girls instead. That said, neither one of us has ever said “yes, I mind.”

Post # 15
Member
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

We have a joint Google calendar that we put mutual things on as well as “I’m busy on my own” kind of things. If I’m unsure I will generally say “We’re not doing anything Friday, right? I’m gonna go over to BFF’s.” I’m a little more independant than him, so for instance, this Sunday he’s having a “guys game day” in his hometown (about a 2 hour drive from our place) but I’m going with him and hanging out with his friend’s wife. He might have not gone if it meant driving all the way there & back alone. 

Post # 16
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MexiPino:  We sorta do the same thing, instead of a joint calendar, I just send him meeting reminders to his work calendar. It def helps keep track of things. 

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