Post # 1
This is the level of crazy we are currently dealing with;
- Arranged optional accommodation for family and bridal party at a vastly subsidised rate. No one has to stay there, they just need to confirm by a deadline
- Booked a qualified child-minder at our cost for those people staying in the accommodation, We’ve checked and provided references for the child-minder and explained this is a complimentary and optional service
- Extended an invitation to informal drinks the night before the wedding as most people are driving more than 4 hours to the venue so likely to head down the day before
According to FSIL we have
- Dictated where she stays
- Demanded she relinquish her children to a stranger and stay at the party all night
- Forced her to travel down to the wedding a day early by adding in evening drinks at the last minute
She’s had a major rant at FI about how presumptuous and demanding we are. How do you deal with someone like that?
Post # 2
12345abc: I would politely explain once that they were all optional, then ignore her! I hate people like that!
Post # 3
12345abc: Lol… oh my… That reminds me of someone in my family too. Try not to take it personally, some people just like to complain, no matter what you do they will find something to complain about.
Tell her nothing is being forced and if she doesn’t like your options she can figure it all out herself, or not come.
Have FI talk to her, he knows her the best and he should be able to put her in her place. Everntually it will blow over, but I know it can be annoying. Good luck!
Post # 4
Kellym84: We have politely explained and now I’m ignoring it but its getting FI all wound up
winterwoodlandbride15: Thanks FI did talk to her. I hope it does blow over soon, we’ve had too much drama with his family. This is the same woman who basically forced us to have her daughter as a flower girl by dropping increasingly regular and blunt hints and has made our life hell ever since we were fool enough to agree. Shes vetoed 2 dresses because they wouldn’t ‘suit’ her DD, banned the spreading of rose petals incase DD slipped on them and has demanded DD (whos 4 BTW) gets professional hair and make-up like the adult bridesmaids so she doesn’t feel left out… guess whos expected to pay for that. We’re reaching the end of our tether on this one!
Post # 5
12345abc: I hear you! I have a crazy SIL who pushed her daughter to personally ask mine and another cousin, if she could be a flowergirl in their weddings. It didn’t work. The girl is now 14 and will have to live the rest of her life carrying the burden of trauma that she was never a flowergirl. Oh well …
Is there any chance that your FI can tell her that you’ve decided to have an adult only wedding, thererfore, you no longer will be using a flower girl? (Who puts professional make-up on a 4-year old, anyway?)
Post # 6
PABride: Unfortunately not really, the girl is really excited now and would be upset, its not her fault after all. The best part is that the hair & make up FSIL is insisting on is booked for 11am, FSIL lives over 5 hours away from the venue but is complaining we are ‘forcing’ her to stay the night before the wedding. Was she really planning to leave at 6am the morning of the wedding to get to us in time??
Post # 7
ughhh she sounds difficult. Try to ignore her. It sounds like you’ve explained your side, that is all you can do!
BTW I do not think you sound demanding at all but more thoughtful!!
Post # 8
12345abc: a glass of really nice scotch.
in all seriousness, remind her that “no” is a word even a two year old knows, so she can feel free to decline your thoughtful and generous hospitality and make her own arrangements or decline to go.
eTA: her daughter is a flowergirl?! So mommy has major projection issues!
Remind her that she pushed for flower girl status and pro hair and makeup. She needs to stfu and do what she’s told or else she’s going to ruin her daughter’s fg experience.
you are too nice and I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Post # 9
msmorganitebee: Thank you! We really did try to be thoughtful, we spend ages talking about it and figuring out ways to make things as easy and enjoyable as possible for everyone, thats why its so upsetting that FSIL is taking it all the wrong way
Post # 10
bitsybee: Thank you! I don’t feel very nice right now! I’m having some downright nasty thoughts…..
Post # 11
12345abc: some people are ALWAYS going to be negative/have something to complain about! try not to let it get you down!! hugs to you!
Post # 12
Has she never been to a wedding before? Does she not know that people typically provide a recommended hotel at which they’ve secured a preferred rate? Does she not know that a welcome dinner/drinks is hospitable for out of town guests? Does she not realize that the childcare is way above and beyond the call of duty and not something anyone would ever actually expect you to provide?
Of course the hotel and welcome drinks are optional, that’s understood. As long as you made it clear that the childcare is optional and not required because you don’t want kids at your wedding, then I see no problem here other than an unreasonable and rude SIL.
Post # 13
12345abc: you could try southern belling your way out of this one. Really sweetly tell her since it’s so much trouble, you’d be willing to forget the flower girl promise and they can show up when everyone else does. Tell her you thought she’d appreciate having a nice room and child care, but since she doesn’t think she’ll be wanting them, you’ll give the room to someone else.
finish her off with, ” bless your heart, we had no idea how hard it was going to be for you to have DD in our wedding. Don’t you worry about it, it’s done!” Kiss. Kiss.
Post # 14
Tinatiny1: That would be AMAZING. OP, I highly recommend this route.
Post # 15
Tinatiny1: Lol, thats awesome!