(Closed) How do you deal with waiting for your boyfriend to be ready?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Yay! That’s so exciting! 

Post # 32
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

Ah, being desi puts a completely different spin on this. I’m also South Asian and I really didn’t see why we needed more than a year and six months to be engaged because that’s how I was raised. Fast forward and it’s still 2.5 years with no engagement. It’s taken both me and my parents a while to come around to the idea, but we also all understand that my SO is young (24), so marriage isn’t on his mind as much as it is mine (I’m 27).

You’re on the right track. This kind of stuff takes at least 6 months worth of serious discussions, in my experience, and then another 6 months to actually be engaged, and then a year to plan a wedding (again, speaking from my perspective as a fellow South Asian American). Wish you all the best!

PS – OMG I totally hear where you are coming from with parents adamently saying “no long distance trips together! DO NOT GO AWAY TO PARIS TO BE ENGAGED OR TAKE ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS”, haha. To this day I really don’t understand how my boyfriend’s mom thinks we see each other at all (we are long distance)…she thinks the only times we have seen each other are on visits/trips with friends or to see friends/family, which was all of 3 times, ever. tongue-out

Post # 34
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee

I would never ‘wait’ for my boyfriend to be ready. If we were together for a reasonable time and he did not have a reasonable timeline for us to get married, I would be gone. I have this type of conversation early. When we became an item, he knew I wanted to get married someday and the time frame I would date someone to give them enough space to decide I was the type of wife he wants. For  me, that is engagement within 2 years (maybe 3 depending on some personal factors). Anything more than that, and I will simply bounce – no begging, no pleading, no having the same conversations over and over again.

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