(Closed) How do you define a “fight”

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How do you and your SO define a "fight?"
    Mild disagreement, we each say our piece, then find a compromise : (4 votes)
    6 %
    Somewhat heated argument, but still not super angry, just frustrated : (21 votes)
    33 %
    Very heated, angry, maybe yelling, don't make up right away but do eventually : (34 votes)
    53 %
    Shouting or name-calling, not worried about fighting "fair," takes a while to resolve : (5 votes)
    8 %
    Screaming, mean, storming out, not talking for several days : (0 votes)
    Relationship-ending : (0 votes)
    Physical violence? (I hope not!) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I consider it fighting any time we disagree and get snippy with each other. I think we’ve only ever had a really angry fight twice in 5 years.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I said somewhat heated argument. For us, that would be if one of us went into a room and closed the door or went outside to get away from the other person. We have minor disagreements or bickering all the time (something really quick that we dont even think about after a few minutes) but we have what I think of as fights only every once in a while. A fight for us would also mean that we would have a conversation afterwards in order to resolve the current issue.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    To me, a fight is a step above a disagreement. A disagreement would be like a small back and forth about something little and not too important in the overall scheme of things. I would consider a fight something related to an important issue where we raise our voice and get upset with each other.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3799 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Fighting is when we are not able to come to an agreement through discussion and it just escalates. Or when one of us is so frustrated that we cannot hold it in any more, and it just comes out. We usually go into separate rooms, and then the fight is resolved a few hours later when one of us apologizes and then we sit down and talk about what made us upset. It’s not a forced thing…we usually just feel drawn back to each other because we know we hurt each other’s feelings and things patch themselves up.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Miss OBG: Good point about definitions. I think it’s “Very heated, angry, maybe yelling.” Although we still do make up right away.  And this happens SO rarely. We certainly get frustrated with each other maybe once or twice a month (at most), but we almost NEVER have what I define as a “fight.”  We both hate it and prefer to talk out whatever we’re upset about.

    He grew up in a home with a mentally unstable mother who yelled all the time, so he is STRONGLY averse to it. I’ve never heard him raise his voice, with the exception of when his baseball team does something especially stupid. 😉

    Post # 8
    Member
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    this is interesting–hubs and i define it different ways. for me, it’s the “mild disagreement” option in the poll. i’m pretty non-confrontational in general, and my family is the same way. but i can be really assertive about my needs and feelings with my husband (which is one of the things i love about him–i’m comfortable enough with him that i stick up for myself). so, i tend to think of it as a “fight” whenever i say something like “hey, stop doing x because it makes me feel abc” and then he immediately apologizes. which of course isn’t really a “fight” at all–sometimes i raise my voice a little bit but it usually lasts like 5-10 mins max and is really more just like a discussion. we’ve never left the apartment to get away from each other, unless one of us had to leave for work or something, and then we usually make up in the next half hour or so via email/text. usually it’s about chores, aka really minor things

    hubby on the other hand comes from a family where bickering and using harsh tones of voice/yelling with each other is much more common, so his definition of a fight would probably be much different. we’ve actually talked about this before, and in his perspective we’ve only had like 2 or 3 fights in over 5 years. i think there’s only been screaming once. so while i would say we “fight” about once a month or something, he’d say we fight very, very rarely.

    Post # 9
    Member
    9483 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We bicker and then get over it quickly.  A fight for us would be the both of us extremely angry to the point we won’t talk.  It rarely happens, but it’s happened at least twice.  One night he slept on the floor.  That was the first time ever since we’ve been living together that we didn’t sleep in the same bed together.  He would’ve slept on the couch in the living room, but I asked him not to because then his parents would know something was up.

    We’re pretty laid back and relaxed.  We don’t try to let things or others interefere with our life. Of course there are times where it’s hard not to, but we worked through it together.

    Post # 10
    Member
    316 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    If I walk away still mad and we don’t talk it out right there, I call it a fight. We rarely have them, because he’s so logical and if I have a good point he’ll listen to it. Its usually my fault because sometimes even if I know I’m wrong, I’m mad that I was wrong and pout for a while.. not super mature, but hey, he wants me, warts and all.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’ve actually talked to Darling Husband about this before. Some people talk about fighting all the time and I feel like we never fight.

    We disagree about stupid stuff all the time, go back and forth kinda jokingly giving our opinions but usually not very emotionally invested.

    To me a fight would be where you’re emotionally invested in your opinion and/or you have some sort of misunderstanding or miscommunication that causes you to get upset enough  to be quite angry/cry/raise your voice. Something that is not resolved quickly by communication and compromise but lingers.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think a “fight” is whenever we raise our voices at each other.  Whether it gets resolved quickly or not isn’t really a factor.  Just getting angry enough to yell is how I’d classify it. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    To me, a fight is a very heated, argument where we are angry, maybe yelling, and don’t make up right away but do eventually.

    Darling Husband and I can disagree without getting angry or raising our voices and I don’t consider that to be a fight.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5668 posts
    Bee Keeper

    The very heated and yelling is a fight. Sometimes I do get snippy, but I agree with PP that’s it’s more of a disagreement than anything. A fight usually involves someone crying, lots of yelling and cooldown time afterwards. We always end up talking things over and usually resolving most of the issues that same day/night. Those types of fights are rare, but they’re explosive when they happen.

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