(Closed) How do you divide responsibilities?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: How do you divide chores?
    We have a schedule : (5 votes)
    6 %
    We don't have a plan (and I end up doing more) : (30 votes)
    38 %
    We don't have a plan (and my partner ends up doing more) : (17 votes)
    21 %
    We don't have a plan (and it's equal) : (28 votes)
    35 %
    We hire a cleaner to do the things that we don't want to do : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    Member
    9528 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    We don’t have a set schedule except tow base certain chores around trash day, cleaning up the dog poop in the backyard, cleaning out the fridge and taking out the recycling. We decided early on the chores each hate verse don’t mind. He hates doing laundry, I hate doing dishes. That was easily solved. It comes down to finding a comfortable level of clean both can live with. Who ever is home more does the bulk of chores. Usually I am home more so the bulk of meals and chores are mine. He is super productive with home maintaince though. It balances out.

    Post # 3
    Member
    2587 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    mangosandcats:  We try to clean at the same time. One of us vacuums and dusts and the other cleans the bathroom. Then we rotate. The kitchen is cleaned by the person who didn’t cook generally.

    Post # 4
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2017

    mangosandcats:  I do everything.  The one thing he does is put groceries away, but then he leaves all the bags on the counters and floor.  So I have to put those away.  And he’s resentful that he “always has to do it.”  Does your husband put garbage in the trash can?  If so, you’re already doing amazing, count your blessings!

    Post # 5
    Member
    4238 posts
    Honey bee

    mangosandcats:  

    We’ve tried several variations of an “equitable division of the chores” system. We found that having designated areas worked best. On the one hand it kinda stinks to do the same chores over and over, but, not having to deal with discussing who’s doing what is a real advantage.

    Just my $0.02.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    13 posts
    Newbee

    soonmrslacey:  I’m sorry your husband doesn’t do his fair share. That really sucks. However, having a husband who puts garbage in the garbage can does not mean one should “count her blessings.” That is just a baseline expetation and I would never accept anything else.

    Post # 7
    Member
    534 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    We tend to have a few designated responsibilities based around our likes and dislikes. He always cooks, I clean the kitchen. He sweeps and mops, I dust and clean the bathroom. He mows, I weed. 

    Of course, that does change depending on who is busier at any moment. There have been times when he’s been taking a lot of overtime and been stressed at work, so I do a lot more. Right now I’m taking a class and dealing with grad school applications in addition to working full time, so he is doing a lot more. I feel a bit guilty tbh, but he’s been great about it. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Darling Husband does all the yard work and home maintenance and takes out the trash/recycle and puts it out to the street for pickup. We hire a cleaning person to come once a month to do the heavy duty cleaning, and I do the laundry and dishes. We both are supposed to pick up after ourselves and we both can slack in this area so no pointing fingers there. We share responsibilities with the baby, take turns getting up with him and changing/feeding/playing etc making sure the other gets a break and some quiet time when needed. We are due with #2 in a few weeks so it’s going to become much more hands on for both of us! But I think we balance it well. I did do a chore chart at one point just to show all of the things that need to be done on a regular basis so we’re more aware and on top of things but we don’t follow a schedule really.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1941 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2018 - City, State

    Fiance does all the cleaning, I do all of the meal planning/cooking. We grocery shop together. Obviously sometimes I do dishes or clean that would technically be his responsibility and sometimes he cooks if I’ll be working late or whatever, but that’s the general rule. It works for us. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1941 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2018 - City, State

    soonmrslacey:  that is insane

    Post # 11
    Member
    4253 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    We naturally split off into our chores.  If one person is busier than the other, then we pick up the slack.  It’s overall been really easy.  We clean on weekends mostly, so we pick up all the crap that is laying around from the week, vacuum, I do laundry, scrub the kitchen, and clean the bathrooms.  We have our “set” daily chores…I do most of the cooking and he does most of the dishes.  I clean the litter boxes, he feeds the cats.  I HATE taking out the trash so that is always his job.  If you can’t find a way that works, a chore chart of sorts might help you guys find your groove so there’s no question as to who does what.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1170 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I try to do everything dog related because he came with me.  Things like the poop cleanup and baths. Darling Husband will do feeding and walking but they love each other.  Everything else is pretty well split equally without discussion or “chore charts”.

    Post # 13
    Member
    806 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015 - Southern Plantation House

    We try to do it related to our likes and dislikes as much as possible. It works out in a lot of ways! I hate cooking and grocery shopping… to me, it’s one of the most stress inducing tasks. I don’t know why. Thankfully, Darling Husband is a wizard in the kitchen & loves grocery shopping! Naturally, he takes care of that. I do all the dishes and laundry, plus any general cleaning. I also take care of the cat. He also takes care of our finances (I definitely categorize that as a chore!). Thankfully, we don’t have a need for a chore chart. In my experience with roommates, chore charts tend to cause more conflict than not.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2348 posts
    Buzzing bee

    mangosandcats:  I probably spend more actual hours each week doing household stuff but I feel like everything evens out. 

    I do all the cooking and shopping, daily tidying, weekly dusting, laundry folding/hanging (he takes it to the laundromat though because it’s too heavy for me to carry), social stuff (sending cards, buying gifts, coordinating plans, planning trips), research (finding a new cell plan, comparing IRA’s, etc.), and taxes.

    He does the dishes (we don’t have a dishwasher so it’s a pretty big job), does all the deep cleaning (floors & bathroom), does the daily kitty poo & trash.

    We’re planning to move in the next two years and when we have a dishwasher and a clothing washer and dryer in our home I’ll take over those things too but he’ll always do the deep cleaning (he doesn’t want me scrubbing floors, doing the bathrooms/cat litter, it’s kind of cute actually) and he’ll do outdoor stuff.  

    I don’t really worry about household chores being perfectly even. I work part time from home and he works full-time not at home so in that way he’s doing way more than I am. He also earns more than I do, which allows me to work only part-time in the first place. I don’t think either of us would want to change places because we both think we have the best side 🙂 He gets annoyed making pasta and if I had to go back to my 9-5 office job I think I would cry.  

     

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    2332 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    soonmrslacey:  Yeah that doesn’t sound healthy for your relationship and you should really address that

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