(Closed) How do you divide responsibilities?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: How do you divide chores?
    We have a schedule : (5 votes)
    6 %
    We don't have a plan (and I end up doing more) : (30 votes)
    38 %
    We don't have a plan (and my partner ends up doing more) : (17 votes)
    21 %
    We don't have a plan (and it's equal) : (28 votes)
    35 %
    We hire a cleaner to do the things that we don't want to do : (0 votes)
  • Post # 31
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

     

    Eradicatereality:  I’m not that poster, but I can tell you this – a man who left his trash on the floor would not be my spouse. That is how you “refuse to accept anything else.” Why would you be married to someone who is not a “reasonable partner”? 

    My husband is not the neatest person in the world: he does not understand why I can’t sleep with dishes in the sink, but he at least knows that garbage needs to go in the trash can and that turning off a light switch does not count as doing his part and if I ask him to help me clean up he will vacuum or do the bathroom or the dishes or take out the trash or whatever else, because he is an adult. And sane adults clean up after themselves. There are certainly some discrepencies between what one person considers acceptable vs another, but I don’t think there is a single reasonable adult in the world who would seriously think trash on the floor is acceptable. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    1151 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I am a slacker at home!  I work a lot more than Darling Husband and his job is much more flexible.  We have a housekeeper come once a week and she does our laundry, which is great.  Aside from that, Darling Husband does 90% of stuff for our dogs and he usually does any dishes or straightening up in between the housekeeper’s visits.  He also deals with the bills and other “house” stuff and handles Costco runs and some other grocery shopping.  If I am having a lighter work week, I try to walk the dogs and do some grocery shopping.  We are TTC and once we have a baby (hopefully), the plan is for me to cut down to part-time at work and I think at that point Darling Husband and I will be a little more like 50/50 when it comes to stuff at home.  As of now, he does way more than me and I am very grateful.

    Post # 33
    Member
    472 posts
    Helper bee

    My husband works full time and goes to school full time.  When he is working 8 hours on Sundays I clean the house.  He KNOWS I hate doing the trash so he does that on trash day.  During summers when he doesnt have school and I dont have work we agree not to go anywhere fun until the house is clean!  So we go on a cleaning spree then go out lol

    Post # 34
    Member
    209 posts
    Helper bee

    We don’t have a schedule but we basically do equal work over time.  He does more work in the summer (he does the outside care stuff even though I garden) and I generally do the cleaning and laundry.  He washes the dishes more and walks the dogs, but I always clean the kitchen and I don’t think he’s ever swept.  It all works out, and we roughly split the cooking.

    Post # 35
    Member
    2032 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I grocery shop, meal plan, make lunches and do 90% of cooking. I do more dishes too. I do a bit more of the cat chores but I came with the cats. We typically deep clean together, I will do bathrooms and dust while he does all the floors. He does all of the outdoor sweeping and garage cleaning and bird feeders. We both do laundry. We both do garbage. He manages the bills. I’m pretty sure I do more but I’m ok with where we are at. He does notice things more than some guys and will take initiative to clean, do laundry, etc if needed. Might get a house cleaner when we have kids.

    Post # 36
    Member
    641 posts
    Busy bee

    We don’t really have a set schedule.. it normally ends up with me doing the majority and then Fiance will bounce in and offer to help. Hoovering seems to be his thing. Yesterday we were both catching up on tv in separate rooms, but i started cleaning the lounge and kitchen, then by the time i was finishing the bathroom he started hoovering the bedroom and floors whilst i dusted the bedroom (small one bed apartment). He high fived me afterwards for our ‘great teamwork’ haha

    i think there has only been one time he has been the first to initiate cleaning.. and that was because prior to that day i was annoyed about picking up after him all the time. He’s generally pretty good other than ‘sock bombs’ i find scattered around the house. He calls me Monica from friends, i just love a tidy clean house.. he wouldn’t think to clean/tidy until it absolutely needs to be done, he has got better over the years but probably cos of it makes life easier for him haha!

    We do the food shop together, if one cooks the other will clean up after each meal. I do a proper clean once a week, but the house is tidied everyday!

    Post # 37
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2017

    Well he makes the money, and lots of it so you know how that goes…he’s not home that often anyway.  This really has been enlightening.  I’ve been daydreaming about divorce for a couple of months, I need time to plan and save my own money, but it sure does help to hear an outside perspective.  And this is only one facet.

    Post # 38
    Member
    2076 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I pretty much do evertying.  Except the bathrooms.  That is H’s sole chore because I would rather clean the rest of the house and do all the laundry and whatever else over cleaning the bathrooms.  Just thinking about cleaning the bathrooms makes me want to gag.

    If we have a party or guests over then we both tackle the cleaning mainly because it needs to be done by a certain deadline and we also do more indepth cleaning and organizing then we usually would on a typical weekend.

    We generally go food shopping together and he brings all the bags.  He actually looks at it like a game and he tries to see how many bags he can carry in at one time.  Then I put everything away.

    Every once in a while I wish he did more around the house, but then I realize that in the end it would just cause me more work because he will be asking me 5 million questions about how to do this, where do these things go, etc, etc so it is just easier for me to do the majority and have it done the way I like it.

    Post # 39
    Member
    486 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    We didn’t have a plan and it just came naturally. 

    we don’t usually cook, and if we do, we cook together. My bf always feels like I am doing more of the cooking so he always offers and does the dishes. When we buy things, he carries the bags in.  He also goes to refill the water jugs for our water dispenser.

    he always takes out the trash. I clean the bathroom sink and counter tops while he cleans the floor and shower. 

    Laundry is just whoever has some extra time, but j mostly do it as I have a shorter work commute and shorter work hours.  Sometimes one of us gets super busy with work so it’s just whoever has the time. then we help each other out with folding and putting them away.

    i always make the bed, but if he leaves later for work then he will make the bed.

    i think when both parties naturally want what is best for the other, they both end up feeling happy and taken care of and will naturally want to do more for the other. It’s a never ending cycle of “I love you and I want to help you.”

    Post # 40
    Member
    5956 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I guess I got lucky. We just sort of evened out, I think.

    He PREFERS to clean the bathroom (have at it!).

    I vacuum and dust.

    He empties the garbage.

    I scoop poo.

    He empties the poo bucket when he empties the garbage.

    We do our own laundry.

    Mwah! Love that guy.

     

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