Post # 1
does anyone know of a good way to drop people out of your wedding party? we asked our people a long time ago when we first got engaged (our wedding has had to been posponed for quite some time). now there has been a lot of things that has happened and situations have changed and we would feel more comfortable not having some of them. For my fiance, all he had was his best man who is his cousin. they use to be super close growing up but since he got married and now has 2 kids, they hardly see each other and very very rarely speak to each other. in addition due to more recent issues my Fiance is really pissed off at him. so he doesnt even want him as is best man any more. prob now is he has no other guy friends unless he picks one of mine. prob with that is most of my closest guy friends are the husbands of the bridesmaids that i want to drop. so theres really not any options there.
then for me, im asked 4 girls. 2 good friends, my FI’s other cousin, and my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor. Im still having my sister for sure. The other 3 are where the issues are. For his cousin, that was more of pity one anyway cause i thought she would feel left out. im not even close to her. now due to some things she did against the family no one is talking to her and my Fiance has told me he doesnt even want her at our weddding much less in it. Then the first of my friends, I dont speak to anymore. any time i see her she gives me the cold shoulder. not really sure what happen there. we lived in a duplex when i was born and her family were our neighbors so i’ve known her literally my whole life. i moved away when i was 8 and only met up with her again about 3 yrs ago when i moved back. so not like we are overly close anyway. The last girl is a friend i grew up with. i was in her wedding too. since i asked, she’s had 3 children and moved to the other side of the country. depending when the wedding actually is, the kids might be older and she will still want to be in. shes still on a maybe but ill ask her again when we are closer to the wedding. our wedding has greatly downsized to a much smaller wedding compared to the bigger one we originally planned. most of our families wont be attending so it would make sense to have a smaller bridal party standing up with us. the issue now is how on earth do we kindly explain that we dont want them in the wedding anymore. for the 2 cousins, not ev en sure if they will be invited. the one that was my friend i still will more than likely invite but just dont feel comfortable having her in it. has anyone else had to do this that can give me advice? i’d really apprecaite it!
Post # 2
How long have you been engaged that “since i asked, she’s had 3 children and moved to the other side of the country.”? That would explain alot of this drama. Is there a good way? Not really. If you have been engaged for, rough math here with 3 pregnancies and a little lag time inbetween to breastfeed, 3 years and no one has purchased anything yet you can say that due to budget the wedding itself has been cut down and so the bridal party is as well. They should be aware that the relationships have changed.
BTW- don’t ask someone out of pity, that is a recipe for disaster
Post # 3
jss77: Echoing PP above, if you’ve been engaged for eons and eons, that changes how you might be able to change your bridal party. Engaged for 10 years now?
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2015 - country club in Michigan
So based on this you’ve been engaged at least 3 years. I think before doing ANYTHING you should have a date set, a venue, and all that. Once you have that, then ask your wedding party. I wouldn’t ask or drop people out of the party until you have a real date set. And if you drop anyone, expect hurt feelings, regardless of how good you think your reasons are.
Based on the fact you wrote this EXACT SAME question 5 months ago…I’m guessing there still isn’t a date. And I also think you’re going to get the same responses you got back then.
Post # 5
It sounds like you two should elope.
Post # 6
Unfortunately there isn’t a kind way to cut people from the wedding party, but I agree with pps. It sounds like there has been quite a period of time between when you originally asked them and now. They probably know themselves that the situation has changed. Good luck.
Post # 7
I would suggest no party. Its not required. But if you downsize, expect there could be hurt feelings.
Post # 8
cruisinbee: +1. The only good way to cut a bridal party member is to cut the whole party.
If you’re looking for not-good ways to cut a bridal party member, I suggest a post to their facebook wall or a flaming bag of poop.
Post # 9
A flaming bag of poop…Still laughing. Thank you. I needed that.
Post # 10
Ok, so a.) you didn’t really think things through before asking your bridesmaids…you chose one “out of pity” and it sounds like you haven’t been that close with your other friends for quite some time. Plus… b.) you haven’t set a date despite being engaged for YEARS from what it sounds like. If you want to get married, set the date already, then consider who you want in your wedding party. Choose the people you WANT next to you on that day. I’m talking your closest friends, the people you can’t live without. Not someone who you feel bad for and include her out of obligation. Honestly though there is no good way to tell someone you don’t want them in the wedding party anymore. It sounds like these people aren’t that close to you anyway so it probably won’t make a difference quite honestly.
Post # 11
How many years have you been engaged???
Post # 12
theatrejulia: For the 3 babies one, 2 of them were twins so only 2 pregnancies. We’ve been engaged about 4 years actually…
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
jss77: You’ve been engaged for so long that these people probably forgot they were in your bridal party anyway! When the time comes, I would let your current bridesmaids know that you will only be having a Maid/Matron of Honor & if your Fiance isn’t even inviting his cousin, then that solves that problem! So much drama between two people that a smaller wedding party is probably for the better anyway!
Post # 14
Yeah, after 4 years with at least another year to go, they probably aren’t assuming anything about your wedding.
Post # 15
Emm85: Based on the fact you wrote this EXACT SAME question 5 months ago…I’m guessing there still isn’t a date. And I also think you’re going to get the same responses you got back then.
OKAY. Like what has changed, nothing. So why is the advice from that thread going to change.