- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
My FI’s 4 month old nephew died yesterday. I’m not sure what else to say beyond that.
His brother (not a real brother but his family took him in when he was 13 so close enough) was visiting this week so we could all meet the new baby. They fell asleep on the couch together and the brother rolled over on the baby.
This is the worst thing I could ever imagine a father going through. SIDS is one thing, but this?
A little back story on the father. He has been suicidal most of his life. The reason FI’s family took him in is he came home one day from school to an empty house and his parents gone. Since then (Lets call him J) has never felt like anyone would ever love him, or if they did it would never last. He has been a constant drug user and has been hospitalized several times for suicide attempts.
Fast forward a few years and he is still in the same place, using and couch hopping. Then he finds out he is going to be a dad and while it is not a complete 180 change he does change. He gets clean and his son is the only thing he is living for. He constantly says that without his son he would be dead because there would be no reason for him to live.
Now his son is gone. He wont listen when we way it isn’t his fault and has already tried once to kill himself last night by taking all the anxiety pills the doctors gave him. Why the hell they let him leave the hospital in a suicidal state I will never understand. How do you convince someone that this horrible accident wasn’t there fault? How do you tell someone there is still a reason to live? I can’t even fathom what he is going through.
The grandmother is not helping. She has never liked J. She had him arrested saying he was harrassing her daughter (not true) the day the baby was born. He was not allowed to sign his son’s birth certificate. She has done everything to try to make this baby HER baby, not her daughter’s, HERS. Its insane. Yesterday when they showed up (J and the mother are seperated) the first thing she does is start screaming “You killed my grandson! If you don’t kill yourself within a month I will!” and throws a knife his way. Her daughter, the mother, repeatedly kept saying how she never wanted this baby in the first place (so cold).
Now J has not been the best of people, but he was trying to do right by the baby. I would be the first person in the family to say if someone is a dead beat dad or not and he wasn’t. He wasn’t perfect, but who the hell is.
Sorry I just needed to vent a little because I am so lost on what to do (other than slap the grandmother silly, its one thing to grieve but this….). None of us want J to kill himself but the way things are going by the end of the week we all expect it a little (horrible to say I know but he was suicidal to begin with). How do you tell someone who has lost their ONLY reason to live (and who feels like he killed his son) that there is still something to live for. He has no family, no friends, no home of his own (he lived with his sister in washington and refused to leave because of his baby) and now his baby is gone too…