(Closed) How do you expect to know how much ‘your plate’ costs?

posted 8 years ago in Food
Post # 3
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

Covering your plate as far as I knew was never an exact science.  Most people just kenw what weddings in the area generally cost and covered appropriately. And yes I cover + up to a point.  If you spend 300pp on your wedding, that is on you.

Post # 4
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think the point is that you can’t know how much your plate cost, so a couple expecting you to cover the price of your plate is absurd. I give $100 for me and my husband at weddings where we are not close to the couple, and $200 at weddings where we are close to the couple—no matter how much their wedding was likely to cost. Among the people who gave gifts at all at my wedding (which was not everyone), a minority gave enough to cover their plates. I did not care, though, because my wedding was not a fundraiser.

Post # 5
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think most just try to estimate. I try to at least. But I have to say that I think this may open up a can of worms with the cover your plate bit. A lot of people on the bee are quite touchy about it and the etiqutte police are bound to comment. So duck now!

Post # 6
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@2PeasinaPod:agree…to both points!

Post # 7
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@luckyprincess:  Some people still incorrectly buy into the vulgar notion that a guest is supposed to “cover their plate” at a wedding.  However, as you have so rightly pointed out, its not really possible for them to know that amount let alone is it any of their business!

No set type or amount of gift is “owed” to any bride and groom.  A wedding gift is customary, but by no means required.  A guest should be moved by affection to choose a gift within their budget that they feel would please the happy couple – that’s it. 

The “cover your plate” myth turns the sweet and generous notion of offering hospitality to guests into charging admission for your wedding.  It likewise turns the notion of buying a gift to show affection into crass reimbursement.  Weddings are not supposed to be fundraisers. 

I think its also gross to think that you’d spend less or more on a couple (or that they deserve a larger or smaller gift) depending upon the cost of their wedding.

Post # 8
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Ah…and there we have it!

Post # 9
46607 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is another wedding related item that seems to have some regional history.

I have never heard of this thought (except online) and I have lived here in BC all my life.

I always buy a gift that I know the couple will love, from their registry or not, and the price doesn’t vary with my relationship to the couple.

Post # 10
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I always just try to estimate based on what I know about the area and the venue and then I take into account my relationship to the couple.  But like a previous poster said, it’s not a science.

Post # 13
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If i knew I was going to be served lobster and filet mignon, I might be inclined to buy a slightly nicer gift than what we typically spend on a wedding, especially if i was closer to the bride and/or groom. But i tend to spend based on how well I know the couple.

Post # 14
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

@lisa105: I hardly think that the cover your plate notion has anything to do w the bride and groom.  It has to do with the generosity of guests and guest wanting to give appropriate gifts to the couple for their hospitality.

Post # 15
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

That’s a really good question… and I agree that you can’t really know, though I suppose an educated guess could be made. I personally give based on what I can afford, and how close I am to the couple getting married. If someone choses to have a $280pp wedding Surprised, unless it is a very, very close friend or family member, there is no way Darling Husband and I are going to “cover our plates.” And I’d refuse to feel badly about that.

Post # 16
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I definitely give an amount based on my relationship to the bride and groom. I also add in their financial situation. If it’s a couple who makes significantly less than me and is just starting out, I give them more money.

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