Post # 1
Hello Bees. I know that there used to be this idea that you should give enough of a monetary gift at a wedding to ‘cover your plate’. I didn’t think people did this anymore (don’t really know why I thought that…econcomy maybe?) The other day at work (work at a club that hosts weddings) and I got 3 calls on one day asking how much the bride/groom paid per person at their wedding so that the caller could gift an appropriate amount. WHAT?!
Clearly, I’m obviously not allowed to give out that information. I started wondering then, how do people know if they aren’t calling the venue? I mean, do you actually call the couple’s parents and ask how much it cost? Or the couple? That seems a little intrusive, to me. Plus, I doubt people could estimate. Our weddings start at $160 per person and I’ve seen weddings go up to $280 per person at my work. So even if someone sees that the reception is at our venue on the invitation, they still would have no idea of the cost in order to go by assumption.
Does anyone here still go by this idea of covering your plate? If so, how do you find out? Any advice on if telling people that our weddings range from $160 – $300 would be a good idea or will I be creating more stress?? Thanks!
Post # 3
Covering your plate as far as I knew was never an exact science. Most people just kenw what weddings in the area generally cost and covered appropriately. And yes I cover + up to a point. If you spend 300pp on your wedding, that is on you.
Post # 4
I think the point is that you can’t know how much your plate cost, so a couple expecting you to cover the price of your plate is absurd. I give $100 for me and my husband at weddings where we are not close to the couple, and $200 at weddings where we are close to the couple—no matter how much their wedding was likely to cost. Among the people who gave gifts at all at my wedding (which was not everyone), a minority gave enough to cover their plates. I did not care, though, because my wedding was not a fundraiser.
Post # 5
I think most just try to estimate. I try to at least. But I have to say that I think this may open up a can of worms with the cover your plate bit. A lot of people on the bee are quite touchy about it and the etiqutte police are bound to comment. So duck now!
Post # 7
@luckyprincess: Some people still incorrectly buy into the vulgar notion that a guest is supposed to “cover their plate” at a wedding. However, as you have so rightly pointed out, its not really possible for them to know that amount let alone is it any of their business!
No set type or amount of gift is “owed” to any bride and groom. A wedding gift is customary, but by no means required. A guest should be moved by affection to choose a gift within their budget that they feel would please the happy couple – that’s it.
The “cover your plate” myth turns the sweet and generous notion of offering hospitality to guests into charging admission for your wedding. It likewise turns the notion of buying a gift to show affection into crass reimbursement. Weddings are not supposed to be fundraisers.
I think its also gross to think that you’d spend less or more on a couple (or that they deserve a larger or smaller gift) depending upon the cost of their wedding.
Post # 9
This is another wedding related item that seems to have some regional history.
I have never heard of this thought (except online) and I have lived here in BC all my life.
I always buy a gift that I know the couple will love, from their registry or not, and the price doesn’t vary with my relationship to the couple.
Post # 10
I always just try to estimate based on what I know about the area and the venue and then I take into account my relationship to the couple. But like a previous poster said, it’s not a science.
Post # 11
Oh Lord…..I didn’t see that coming.
It is interesting and I have heard it before as a guide. I was just surprised to have people call me and actually ask me what they had paid, lol. I can’t believe they thought I would be able to say. When one woman pressed and I gave her the range I mentioned above, she balked, to say the least. She didn’t believe me, I swear! 😛
I like what another poster said – ‘if you paid $300 a person, that’s on you’ lol True. I usually do a standard amount, like some other people. And what someone said about estimating the amount is what made me originally think that it would be difficult in our area….interesting stuff!
Oh, and I’m not really looking for people’s opinions on the practice or anything and this post isn’t made to make people feel right or wrong for whatever they do. I’m just looking for info about it. Thanks!
Post # 13
If i knew I was going to be served lobster and filet mignon, I might be inclined to buy a slightly nicer gift than what we typically spend on a wedding, especially if i was closer to the bride and/or groom. But i tend to spend based on how well I know the couple.
Post # 14
I hardly think that the cover your plate notion has anything to do w the bride and groom. It has to do with the generosity of guests and guest wanting to give appropriate gifts to the couple for their hospitality.
Post # 15
That’s a really good question… and I agree that you can’t really know, though I suppose an educated guess could be made. I personally give based on what I can afford, and how close I am to the couple getting married. If someone choses to have a $280pp wedding , unless it is a very, very close friend or family member, there is no way DH and I are going to “cover our plates.” And I’d refuse to feel badly about that.
Post # 16
I definitely give an amount based on my relationship to the bride and groom. I also add in their financial situation. If it’s a couple who makes significantly less than me and is just starting out, I give them more money.