(Closed) How do you feel about Adopting a child of a different race

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 77
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We will never get from WHAT IS to WHAT SHOULD BE if we don’t start somewhere. Maybe not adopting a child of a different race (if that’s too hard for you), but still speaking up when something mean has been said by family, friends or our own kids. Its not easy, but if we did it only some of the time, we’d all get to WHAT SHOULD BE a whole lot faster. (:

My bf and I are both on the same page about this and live our convictions everyday.

Post # 78
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee

asi2001 agreed! I am just saying it’s not as easy as most of us would think it would be and want it to be. 

Post # 79
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Challenges exist in all families.

I also forgot to say this, and I thought it was important, so:

It would completely devastate me if I adopted a child, reared the child and gave the child my love, and that child ended up not feeling apart of my family or thought me adopting was wrong. 

Post # 80
Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

A kid’s a kid and if anyone wants to stare at us, that’s their problem.

That being said, I’m not sure if we would adopt at all if we aren’t able to have children.  But if we were to adpot, I wouldn’t care if the child’s skin colour “matched” ours.

Post # 81
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Mrs McCain 2012:  

huh? I’m not saying a child would owe me anything, obviously. What I meant by that statement is that I’m giving the child a family, not doing something negatively. Which was my response to other posters saying that  I would have used adopting a a different race than my own, as some sort of way in changing the world, and using an innocent child as my own selfish motives, which was not my point at all. What I meant was that the change has to start somewhere.

Stop twisting my words around, thank you.

Post # 82
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Yes, we would definitely adopt if we had extra time and money in the future. We are all about that kind of stuff. But the only thing that worries me is if the child/infant would have attachment problems later on? I’ve read that in a psychology book.. Color? Who cares!! I don’t care if the child was red, blue, or green lol. Seriously humans are the most ignorant species sometimes…

Post # 83
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I honestly don’t know if I would be capable of adopting as I am undecided about even having my own…I think IF that was my option I’d be most likely to try adopting “locally” if I could as some PP’s have mentioned.  But to be honest, I don’t know how I feel about a different race.  And it doesn’t stem from racism, but a personal fear of not being able to help a child get over all the baggage of being “different” and teaching them how to cope with the nastiness that might come.  I just don’t know how I’d do dealing with that.

Post # 84
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Take The Reins I think you could start by teaching any kids you, your friends, family etc. have that being nasty is totally unexceptable for any reason, and they should be accepting of everyone. That would make it easier for people in future to adopt kids of any & all races, and for people to get along better in general. We have to start somewhere. We can’t solve problems by pretending they don’t exist, hiding from them, or denying them. That makes things worse instead of better.

On a side note, it ticks me off when people complain they can’t do something because other people are racist, sexist, mean, whatever but do NOTHING about it themselves… just hide and whine. I have a personal beef against religious hatred, so everytime I hear someone say something nasty about jews, muslims and others I ALWAYS comment. Most of my family is super conservative Christian, so this has caused problems at times. But they definately STFU with those comments around me and respect me more because I stand up for what I believe in, even if they don’t. And to those that don’t like, they can eat crow! (:

Post # 85
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@asi2001:  We do teach tolerance to our son (my SS) and he is in school with black and asian and Indian children and will NEVER hear from us anything negative about them or their race or culture. His uncle is also gay and I have no issue dealing with that when the time comes.

Not sure if the rest of your post was directed at me or not, but if so, I don’t sit in the corner and hide and whine.  I accept that I may have a shortcoming and I don’t think I’d choose to test my theory/strength on a child.  I don’t blame that on anyone, incuding myself.  I am what I am, and I recognize it as MY issue.  Just becasue I choose not to put myself in certain position by not adopting doesn’t mean I am any less of a person than you.

Post # 86
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Take The Reins the second part was directed to everyone, not you personally. Sorry of I did not make that clear.

Too many responders seem to shirking the issue at the heart of this. If you are teaching your SS about tolerance already, you are wayyy ahead of so many!! Hopefully this will lead to your SS or his own kids down the line having fewer issues than they do now when it comes to differences.

I also don’t think that I am better than anyone. BUT I do want people to know that they are not alone in being a half decent person and they will not die if they stick their neck out there every now and then. You can do it people!! Many, many people around me are the same way and I find it inspiring.

Post # 87
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I would adopt outside of my race and I would not care about race.

Post # 88
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’ve had 2 failed adoption attempts and both children were of different races.  I’ve never seen it as a problem whatsoever.  My ex-ILs, they were a different story.  Thought we should adopt a white baby b/c it would be too hard and make me look like a “harlet” since people would assume it was mine from a previous relationship…one of the many reasons they’re my ex-ILs.

Post # 89
Member
6245 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

If Fiance and I couldn’t have our own biological children then we’d look into adoption.

Fiance and I aren’t the same race, so adopting a child of a different race clearly isn’t an issue for us.

Post # 90
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@asi2001:  Thanks for clarifying your post.  And I do agree with you, I’ve just learned to pick my battles somewhat, because ignorance is not often educated willingly and I get very frustrated easily!  I think part of the problem is that people don’t think the same about issues…so they ARE sticking to their beliefs of racism even when they don’t align with our own.  People fear change.

 

I will add that part of my decision about adopting will be based on the struggles I have faced so far with SS and adapting to raising someone elses child.  Not his fault his mom isn’t a capable human, and I have worked really, really hard to overcome my own issues about it.  So as far as adopting, well I’d probably only do it IF we couldn’t have a bio child, and even then, I just don’t know if I could handle it.

Post # 91
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I plan on adopting whether I can have my own children or not, I’m very passionate about adoption!!  I don’t care what race I adopt either, but I do want to adopt an American child.  Everyone goes outside the country to adopt and I feel bad for all the American kids wanting a home and a family but getting looked over!  If I can’t adopt I would at least like to be a foster mom 🙂

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