Post # 1
Fiance and I don’t argue much, but we got into a conversation last night that left me pretty frustrated. He doesn’t see a problem with having a few drinks with his guys before the actual wedding ceremony. I find it completely innappropriate and disrespectful, not only to me, but to the pastor and also our parents (whom he will be walking down the aisle). He isn’t talking about getting wasted, just having a few drinks before the ceremony. Apparently the couple guy friends of his who are married, have done this. To me, if alcohol is that important, then it indicates a problem. I want him to go into this marriage with a clear head – why the need for a few drinks first?
So…I’m curious how others feel about this.
Post # 3
I have no problem with it and I fully intend to partake myself. It is possible to have a beer/cocktail or two and still be completely “present”. For me, having a slight buzz loosens me up so I’ll definitely be enjoying some mimosas with my girls pre ceremony. I have no problem if Fiance wants to have a few beers with his guys, too. We’re all adults afterall.
Post # 4
Actually, I don’t see a problem. We’re doing “first look” pics before our ceremony, and I’m actually thinking it might be fun to do them near/at the bar (it’s really nice) of the place we’re staying.
And really, it’s not so different than having champagne in the bridal suite while the bridal party is getting ready (something I’ve seen done at weddings too)
But it’s not a “need” – if anything, it’s the opportunity for downtime with each other and/or our bridal party before the big day. I mean, I can’t say “It’s not a problem” because I don’t know the situation fully – but it might be that’s all that he wants.
Post # 5
As long as gettign drunk is not the goal, I don’t see a problem with a celebratory toast with his freinds before the ceremony. We got married in a church and I had a glass of champagne before hand with my girls and my mom/aunts. He had some whiskey that one of the groomsmen brought to his suite, no one was drunk. One of the groomsmen may have over induldged via a flask during photos but we all had a laugh at his inability to balance on rocks and he was by no means wasted, just a bit off blance. I don’t think it’s disrespectful at all and no one will even know if he has a drink before the ceremony to calm his nerves/get into the spirit.
Post # 6
Our minister gave my hubby a swig of Irish whisky from his flask before the ceremony. Not enough to get drunk by any means, but enough to ‘calm the nerves’.
Post # 7
I understand your feelings. “A few” seems excessive. But I also agree with the other ladies. I plan to have a glass or two of champagne with my bridesmaids while getting ready, but that will be 2-3 hours before the ceremony. I suspect my Fiance will grab a beer or two with/after lunch with his groomsmen, but certainly no more than two, and again, it’ll be at least a couple of hours before the ceremony. If your Fiance is envisioning having 3 drinks in the hour leading up to your wedding, I totally understand why you’d have a problem with that. See if you can get him to promise that he will have no more than X number of drinks and will stop at Y time, and enlist his most responsible groomsman or your Future In-Laws to make sure it happens.
Post # 8
we have a two drink limit. i look even shittier in photos if I have a buzz on than I do when I’m sober. who needs that?
Post # 9
@Oneeleven: That was my other concern – glassy eyes in photos.
I guess I see the reception as the opportunity to drink and celebrate but I’d really prefer he not drink before the actual ceremony. I just see it as unnecessary. There is some history in our situation that I’d really prefer not to disclose, but it is interesting that most others are saying a few drinks would be fine. Something more for me to consider.
Post # 10
I don’t see any reason to be drinking before the ceremony. There will be plenty of time at the reception for that.
Maybe I’m saying that because I live in Wisconsin, and 1 Wisconsin bloody mary will get my Fiance very drunk. (3 Minnesota bloody mary’s won’t even give him a buzz, lol)
Post # 11
@milesbella: I think it really depends on your views as a couple on alcohol and your feelings about drinking. I personally think that if you care enough about this one thing, your FH should respect that and limit his intake to one beer, even if he thinks he’ll be perfectly sober with more in his system.
I would also be a bit concerned if he said “a few drinks” beforehand… my sister’s Darling Husband and his groomsmen did shots a bit before the wedding and were giggling in the church. No one in the congregation really noticed, but my sister felt so bad.
Post # 12
I will not be partaking, but that is mostly because I am a lightweight and one drink will be enough to give me a buzz and I don’t want to be cloudy headed or flushed more than usual… Also, I don’t drink often but when I do I tend to drink more than I need… Which isn’t very much, but I don’t want to be wasted at my wedding. I might have a drink or two at the reception but I will not drink beforehand…
I would really like my Fiance to not drink beforehand, but I know he and his boys will have a shot and probably a beer before… He owns a bar and all of his guys are either bartenders or bar managers… I’m sure there will be alcohol. He can handle a lot more alcohol than I can, so a drink or two before wouldn’t affect him at all.
However, he made sure he didn’t drink anything before he proposed to me… so maybe he will do the same before our wedding… Either way, it’s not a big deal to me what he does, I just know how I want to feel. 🙂
Post # 13
If it’s just a couple of drinks, I don’t see a problem with it, honestly. I think he’d still be clear-minded enough to participate in the ceremony and know what he’s doing and enjoy everything. I don’t think he has a problem with alcohol, he may just want to have a few beforehand to relax and calm any nerves he may have about standing up there in front of everyone!
I was in a good friend’s wedding and I was extremely nervous about being in front of everyone, even though I didn’t have to really do anything except stand there. I was SO grateful that in the hotel room with her and the other BMs, she provided momosas, because it really helped me to relax before the wedding.
I think it’d be best to compromise on this with him, and make it clear to him that it will not be acceptable for him to be falling-down drunk, or even tipsy at the ceremony. Let him have a couple drinks, but make him be responsible about it.
Post # 14
I had a few sips of champagne while getting ready with the girls. It’s just fun and relaxing but I would never get drunk or even buzzed before the ceremony.
By The Way, I thought this thread was going to be about serving the guest drinks before the ceremony, which I also approve of-in moderation of course:)
Post # 15
I can’t see how one drink would be “completely inappropriate and disrespectful”. That’s a bit extreme.
Post # 16
I don’t see a problem with it. A lot of times, a drink will help with the nerves and help calm you down. For ours the bride side we did mimosa’s (though mine barely had any alcohol in it)