Post # 1
My Fiance feels that destination weddings are incredibly selfish since you expect people to shell out a lot of money, and take time off work, just for two people. I’m inclined to agree with him, but deep down inside, I’d love to have one.
Curious to see how people really feel about them.
Post # 2
I don’t feel that way. To be honest, its not just to “shell out a lot of money” just for two people because it is actually a vacation for youself.
A destination wedding is just like any other wedding where you spend one day for a ceremony and reception. Yes, maybe there might be a rehearsal dinner the night before, or a brunch the day after but seriously the rest of the time its just for you to enjoy. Yes, it is a lot of money and a lot of people can’t afford to go and get work off so it will be a much smaller wedding.
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I think it’s fine for people to have them, but they need to be accepting of the fact that less people will attend their wedding. Also I don’t see it as a vacation because guests don’t get to pick the location or time of year they are going. I would only attend a destination wedding for someone I was very, very close to.
Post # 4
I love to travel so given I can make it work, I love to attend them! If you plan one I think you have to go in to it knowing everyone can’t or won’t attend.
Post # 5
I don’t like them, and Darling Husband & I will not be attending any we get invited to in the future. The last one turned into a 5 day affair where we never got to actually do or see anything we wanted to while we were there. Not to mention the cost!!
Post # 6
I agree with your Fiance. Every couple should do what feels right to them, but they should not get upset when people decline to attend for any/no reason.
I personally dislike them because I would much rather plan my own vacation. I have many places I’d love to see, and your wedding location is probably not one of them. We also have limited money and time off work. Going to a Destination Wedding would mean me not getting to go on a trip I actually wanted to go on.
Post # 7
I do not like them at all. My brother had a destination wedding that I could not attend due to the cost. They did have a second reception in a city 5 hours from me, so I went to that, but it wasn’t the same – I really wanted to be at the cermony with my family. (those who went to the destination didn’t go to the second reception.)
Now my brother in law, who I am very close to, is having a destination wedding that I also can’t attend due to the cost. I am beyond distressed and feel horribly guilty. Flights are close to $1,000, the rooms are over $400 per night, (with NO lower cost options nearby because of the location), then there’s a gift, food while I am there…. I just can’t do it. I feel like shit —- I really want to go. It is just not feasible financially. I know he is upset as well, although he hasn’t said anything.
Post # 8
I don’t like them, as I see them as a way of passing costs to your guests in the majority of cases. I don’t see them as a vacation, either; we very carefully select places we want to visit, and the majority of destination weddings I’ve seen take place in countries we have either already visited, or have no burning desire to visit.
I would probably only attend a Destination Wedding for a very small number of people; my brother, and maybe 2 of my friends. And even then I wouldn’t be thrilled about it, I would just deal with it and make the best of it.
Post # 9
I agree with your Fiance. IMO most DWs put venue before people. They impose your idea of your guests’ vacations and are generally far more expensive and time consuming. I cannot tell you how many people I know who are frustrated by an invitation to one of these, but also feel they can’t turn it down.
To me, the only exception is if you are talking about a small and intimate group planning the trip together.
They usually favor wealthier and healthier guests. When that happens at the expense of people who really do deserve to be there, IMO that is particularly insensitive. If the exotic locale is that important, take a honeymoon.
Post # 10
I like them as long as I have advanced warning. It gives me an excuse to go on a vacation and celebrate a friend’s wedding all at once. I don’t like when there are a ton of mandatory events, if there’s nothing to do in the area, or if there’s no notice. I also enjoy international DWs much more than domestic.
Post # 11
I dislike them, a lot. I just got back from one a few weeks ago and swore to Darling Husband we would never go to another.
Post # 12
I love them. Any excuse for a holiday and often it gives me an excuse to go somewhere I wouldn’t have gone before. We’ve been to ones in Mexico, Grand Cayman, Turkey and Morocco. We were invited to one in Australia which we had to miss because of given birth just a couple of months before.
Post # 13
I think they can be a good alternative for people with social circles spread all over the globe and there is some meaningful tie to the location.
Other than that, I do think at their core they are selfish- especially when the reasoning is to save yourself (as part of the married couple) money because often at the resort type destination weddings it’s really your guests subsidizing your wedding or if it’s because you’re just too scared to adult up and take ownership of your decision to not have a large wedding (as if people won’t be offended that you picked a financially prohibitive location for the express purpose of excluding them).
Some people act like you’re doing them a favor by picking out their vacation spot for them. I’d rather vacation when I want and where I want. I can think of 100 places I would vacation before I pick Florida or a resort in Mexico. And while I can decline, often there is a guilt trip also associated with doing so or I just genuinely want to see my family or friend get married and will put up with a vacation of not my choosing. Lately I have declined (the last two I was invited to) – I’ve just reached a point where my annual leave and free time is too scarce and precious and I’d rather spend my limited time and money doing what I want to do.
But ultimately I’m fine declining and what people choose to do doesn’t affect me. People prioritize different things – some prioritize a location others prioritize who is able to attend. I personally would rather make it be as easy as possible on my friends and family and save the exotic locale for the honeymoon – coordinating a large group of people and being around them for my vacation isn’t my idea of a good time. I just see the attitude of the people planning all too often act like they are doing their guests a favor in spending hundreds to thousands on airfare and hotel rooms for a vacation they didn’t pick or get offended when they decline. So long as you understand you are asking a lot of people and have no problem with anyone (even parents and BFFs) declining, then cool.
Post # 14
I’m fine with it. I just turn it into a mini vacation for myself, even if the destination is not in my top choices, I’m open to seeing anything new. If it’s a place I’ve been to that I hate and is super expensive, that would suck, but that hasn’t really happened. My SILs don’t live in my state. One had a wedding in her home state and one had a “destiantion wedding” in yet another state and we had to fly for their weddings. Either way someone has to travel. Mine wasn’t a destination, but his whole family had to fly. There is zero way to satisfy everyone.
My best friend had a destination wedding in Thailand and some of her friends couldn’t make it which was understandable. The ones that could made an epic 3-4 week vacation out of it. As long as you don’t get pissy about people that cant make it, I dont see the problem. No one is forcing anyone to spend money on traveling. It’s simple, dont’ want to or can’t spend the money and time? Dont’ go. Life goes on for both the couple and the person that couldnt make it.
Post # 15
ohana33 : I like them! But I do get annoyed if the hosting couple hasn’t organised additional events, like welcome drinks or a post brunch. I think a bit of extra effort needs to be put in, if I’m making the effort to travel.