How do you feel about destination weddings?

posted 2 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 46
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

msmanchoo78 :  Have you considered that some of the people who really want to come to a Destination Wedding can also be the same people as those who cannot afford or manage an expensive holiday? Yes, you are ‘weeding out’ those who are not fully committed but you are also just excluding those who are less wealthy from your wedding.

Post # 47
Member
6292 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

msmanchoo78 :  I find the idea that it ‘weeds people out’ odd on a number of levels. Firstly, many people have limited vacation time and money; some people are also restricted as to when they can take vacation time. So some people who would love to be there simply cannot without getting into debt, or risking their jobs. Secondly, it comes across as ‘testing’ people’s friendships, which is just really distasteful to me. Plus doesn’t actually prove anything because of my first point. 

ETA: also, even if someone could technically attend but chooses to prioritise, say, a family holiday/holiday with their partner to a destination of their choice rather than attend your wedding it doesn’t mean that they don’t value their relationship with you. It just means that they are prioritising another relationship. My husband doesn’t get as much annual leave as I do, and 1/4 of his has to be taken at Christmas. I have quite a stressful job with long hours and we also have quite active social lives. Quality time together is rare, and precious. So yes, I may well choose a vacation with my husband to somewhere we want to go over the wedding of a friend somewhere we don’t. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about my friend; it just means I can’t do everything and my relationship with my husband naturally takes priority. 

Post # 48
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m having a destination wedding and I don’t think it’s selfish at all. That’s what we’ve always wanted and if people want to come then they will. If they can’t, that’s just the risk we took doing it abroad. We always said if we had (what we expected) around 30 guests (out of the 90 we invited) we would do a party for everyone when we got back. As it happens we have 70 attending, so we may not do that now. But I cannot wait til we all fly out and can enjoy spending time with friends and family. 

People have been able to incorporate it into there summer holiday with there children or just a weekend away with there partners. We’re doing a meal the night before – for those that want to join us and the whole wedding day will be on us so no forced activities.

We went to a wedding in the UK recently and spent £300 on a hotel, (my partner was in the wedding party so had to stay the night before too), a 2 hour drive there and back, and it wasn’t a free bar. I’d rather go away for that amount of money. 

Post # 49
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I am having a destination wedding and I think that there are deffinately some do’s and donts IMO

1. We chosen somewhere that is flexible i.e. People can come for 3 days or 10 days and can stay where they like. 

2. We have only invited close family and are not annoyed if people can’t come. 

3. Other than the wedding and one activity our guests are free to see us as little or often as they want. 

4. We are having a reception when we get home for those who can’t attend  

5. We’ve chosen school holidays so those with children can come 

6. There is no one in the family who are too old or ill to travel  

for those who said it’s passing on the cost to guests, we are paying more for a destination wedding than we would if we stayed at home! For us we wanted to show our family somewhere we fell in love with. If we got married here it would have been 200 plus guests, half wouldn’t have been able to pick us out of a line up! We knew if we went away only the people who cared the most would come and they are. There is no one who can’t afford it or are too ill or old to travel! There are lots of young professionals in our group and family so it’s not an issue…..they either want to come or don’t! We have 30 of our closest family and friends coming and they are all excited! Agreed it’s not for everyone but I don’t see it as selfish or as passing on the cost! 

Do what works for you and the people you really want around you when you get married! 

 

Post # 50
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Bunnyang :  no as all of the people invited go on holiday 4-5 times a year and can afford the place we’ve chosen. We’ve also given people the choice of places to stay and length of time they wish to remain. There is no one who is too old or ill to travel. If people don’t want to come they won’t and it’s their choice. 

Post # 51
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

keepingitreal8675309 :  totally true! We’re paying more for our wedding in Croatia than we would here! It’s in the historic centre of Dubrovnik and our guests can’t wait! 

Post # 52
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

msmanchoo78 :  I agree! It’s so weird that people think DWs are selfish but expect the bride and groom to choose a local venue that fits in with their schedule, lives, commitments and then pay to feed and water them all day! 

There are a few people I’ve invited to mine and I knew they wouldn’t come. They can afford it, take 4-5 holidays a year and they just don’t want to come/don’t fancy it for whatever reason! That’s fine and it’s their choice. Those same people would come to a local wedding, no problem and fill their bellies and pop off and not speak to me again until Christmas! 😂😂😂 I know which one I’d prefer ha 

Post # 53
Member
6292 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

dannij8918 :  we go abroad about 3 times a year, and have an additional 2 or 3 UK mini breaks on top of that. Yes, we can afford to travel both financially and in terms of annual leave. That still doesn’t mean we want to spend our money and annual leave going somewhere that we haven’t chosen ourselves. Sure we are ‘only’ sacrificing one out of 3 trips; but the point is we are still making a sacrifice and have every right to decide not to make that sacrifice and decline, without judgement. The tone of your post implies that because your family and friends take lots of vacations, they should sacrifice one of those for your wedding. That isn’t how it works. 

Unless someone has unlimited money and unlimited time off, if you have a destination wedding you are asking them to choose your wedding and your choice of destination over their holiday and their choice of destination. It is as simple as that. 

Post # 54
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

barbie86 :  not at all. Those who are coming are more than happy to ‘sacrifice’ their holidays. Most have extended their stay to be there longer with us when they found that we had to travel earlier for paperwork which we didn’t ask them to do. So really they don’t see it as a ‘sacrifice’ but an opportunity to get together as an extended family and see somewhere new. 

Those who do see it as a ‘sacrifice’ are not coming and I’m fine with that. I’ve not judged them and have arranged a home reception that they can attend. It’s their choice  

Post # 55
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s funny that people complain about destination weddings because they prioritize venue over guests. Of course they do! I always wanted a destination wedding but I would not have had one if any of my VIPs were unable or unwilling to attend. The truly selfish thing is to expect other people to plan their major life events around your schedule and preferences. If you don’t want to attend a destination wedding then just decline the invitation, it’s not a big deal. But it’s really annoying how self-righteous and judgy people are about this topic. Try looking at PP’s comments from the other side. If someone doesn’t want to plan their wedding around your life it doesn’t mean they are selfish or they don’t love you, it just means they are prioritizing their dreams and their relationship and their limited time and money to have the wedding they want. It’s not a personal attack on you. 

Post # 56
Member
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I agree with your Fiance.  It’s expensive and inconvenient for guests and usually the couple is getting a “package” where they basically get a free or cheap wedding/vacation based on the $ their guests spend if it’s at a resort.  I also hate it when the couple is tries to frame it like they’re being so kind by giving everyone an excuse to take a vacation, like maybe I want to spend my money and vacation days differently.

Post # 57
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Bunnyang :  If someone cannot come because of financial reasons, then that is totally fine. 

Post # 58
Member
1743 posts
Bumble bee

LOL at the whole attitude of “destination weddings are selfish. The bride and groom should plan the most special day of their lives around MY schedule, MY location and MY preferences. How dare they invite me to an event that I could easily just RSVP no to!”

Post # 59
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

barbie86 :  it’s really not that deep. I’m not testing anyone’s friendship, or trying to put anyone into debt. If anyone wants to come to my wedding and can afford to then that’s great. If they can’t for whatever reasons or just don’t want to then that’s fine also. 

Post # 60
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

We’re having a destination wedding, we live in SoCal and are from Hawaii, most of our friends and family are still in Hawaii but we do have some spread along the West coast and in Asia. Two of my cousins have had destination weddings in the past 3 years, one in Las Vegas and one in Napa. They were all very well attended and more people than expected actually accepted. We’re planning on having welcome bags, a cocktail reception (w/heavy apps) and goodbye brunch. It is selfish in some ways I guess, but we just couldn’t afford to fly back so often and it would be much more expensive and we really didn’t want your typical “Hawaii beach wedding.” My family regularly travels to the mainland my SO’s doesn’t as much, we expect most of our guests to come as they are either family or close friends. We have already forewarned them and made peace with the fact that because of our choices some people may not be able to attend. 

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