Post # 1
This is a bit longer than I thought it would be. If you want, you can skip to the bottom for questions.
I am not sure really what drives me to want to help start other people’s families, but it really is something I have always wanted to do. In my younger years I had dreamt of being a surrogate, but after I chose my career path in the health care field, I realized how difficult it would be to be pregnant while at work. Sadly, I believe my dream of being a surrogate someday will most likely never happen.
Today while online, I stumbled across an egg donation page. After reading into it a lot, I feel that I would really love to help a couple or single person achieve their goal of becoming parents/ a parent through egg donation. I have not spoken to my Darling Husband about this (he is at work and I am headed to work shortly so I won’t see him until tomorrow), and I am not sure how he would respond.
We had spoken for some time about what we would do in the future if we found out he was unable to have children (I have 1 so chances are I will be able to conceive in the future, but he has never concieve a child), and he expressed to me that he would be uncomfortable having a child that was not 100% our DNA. He never said he was against sperm or egg donation, but he has the general personality that if it is meant to be, it will come naturally. I agreed to him with this point for our relationship and our family. I would love to have anothr child, but am also satisfied with the family we have now.
I know this has been long, but I really wanted to give you all a little history I guess about my Darling Husband and myself. As always, I really want your honest and open opinions and responses. Thank you all so much in advance.
Has anyone ever donated or received an egg? Would you mind sharing a little bit about your experience?
If you are against egg donation, would you mind sharing your opinion on it as well?
Again, thank you, Bees!
Post # 3
I think it is a beautiful gift you could give someone, but I myself could not do it. FH would also be very against it. I can’t imagine having a person be half of me and a)never know them b) have them come find me one day and knowing I haven’t been in their lives….
I would also probably walk around looking at little curly haired children wondering what if all the time…. I admire people who can be that giving and generous… I just couldn’t emotionally handle it.
Post # 4
Ultimately, I wouldn’t be comfortable donating my own eggs…but I think it is wonderful that you are considering the possibility!! I think it’s a wonderful, selfless thing to do. Also responding to see the other responses to this thread! 🙂
Post # 5
I also started a thread similar to this awhile back. If you don’t get the answers you are looking for, some of the bees that posted to my thread had some good answers as well:
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia
About ten years ago, I donated my eggs. I would be happy to answer any specific questions you may have with regard to the process. It wasn’t easy or fun. I had some complications after the aspiration of my eggs. I did not choose to do it again, although I was approached.
As far as the emotions of it, I think that’s more of a personal thing. I obviously don’t have a problem with the ethics of it, as I did it. Some of my family and friends had big problems with it, but that’s a whole other post.
Again, feel free to PM me.
Post # 7
im not against it, but i wouldnt consider it personally unless i already ahd my own family complete first. this is because i read a heartbreaking story in an engkish newspaper about a woman who did donate eggs. actually, i think it might have been for finanical rather than altruistic reasons but thats besides the point. then, when she later got married it turned out she couldnt have children (uterus problem, not egg related) And i remember her saying it was heartbreaking knowing there were kids out there from her that werent hers. and i think id be the same if it happened
i heard there are lots of side effects to the drugs too, thatd out me off
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church
I wouldn’t do it for many reasons, but the most legitimate one is that I have a fear that any biological children I had would someday end up falling in love with this other child with my genes who’s out there. I’d be afraid of accidently being the cause of potential incest. My other reasons are things like fear of needles and petty things like that.
Post # 9
If I REALLY needed the money I’d do it once maybe. I’d definitely do it for a sister probably not a friend though – I’d need it to be a complete stranger. I wouldn’t go around doing it a lot beacuse I wouldn’t want a bunch of my 1/2 children running around the world unbeknownst to me. I also wouldn’t do it until I was done having my own children.
Post # 10
I looked into it once, but Darling Husband doesn’t like the idea of a biological child of mine out there running around. Too bad, my eggs are good, still at my age lots of them and going to waste, when they could do so much for giving a woman her dream of having a child and creating a family. I personaly believe that it is noble, but a very personal choice not meant for everyone.
Post # 11
Thank you all so much for the replies. The thought of having a child somewhere in the world who shares DNA with me, who I will never meet is the first thing I considered while looking into egg donation. I know many people would not be able to bear the thought, but I fel I will be able to be emotionally disconnected from the egg. not to say I will never think of the child from time to time, but I hope I will be able to focus on the hapiness I have given rather than what was “taken” from me.
I also very much appreaciate that those who would not personally do it still show their respect fort hose who will/have done it.
Post # 12
@Ms.Sugarsnap: I totally understand this. I was reading about different options, and you can choose to be involved in an open donation, so you are able to keep touch with the parent/parents and the child. For me, this is not a possibility. I would much rather have a closed donation.
@greenviolets: Thank you for the link. I will head over once I am done replying 🙂
@newname_99: That is so heartbreaking! I have also been looking into whether there are any long-term side affects that may arise from the donation process.
Post # 13
I offered to donate to my sister because she has had a hard time getting pregnant (one kid, one miscarriage, about 10 years trying). She has a fear of needles so she declined my offer (but much appreciated it).
I looked into donating after my offer to her, thinking if I was willing to donate to her, maybe I should consider donating to someone else. I filled out some paperwork, but never turned it in. At the time, I would have been a highly compensated donor (based on things like education/test scores) and the financial gain was very tempting given grad school costs. But, I didn’t think my family would like it, the medical procedure looked painful, and I was uncertain about risks to my future ability to conceive. I also didn’t really want to have to tell a partner about it (which is required) so I would have only done it while single. I was never single at the right time. I also didn’t want to have to take the time off from work for it. Now, I’m too old (33).
I’m glad there are women out there who will do it to make a childless couple have much wanted kids, but now that I have a bioethics background I worry about the financial incentives being too much and it being coercive as a result.
Note: I worry not at all about my kid falling for a half-sibling. There are milllions and millions of people out there so the chances are beyond miniscule (particularly if you go out of state). You can also learn their birthdates so you know, if not more like family names and such.