Post # 1
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
I know this is a weird question, so let me explain.
I always thought of a break-up as decision to no longer be involved with the other person. I had pretty clean break-ups, and other than a random phone call here or there (which eventually faded to never talking), I had no idea what was happening in their lives and they had no idea what was happening in mine. I liked it that way. I’m not the girl who stays friends with her exes, probably because mine weren’t very nice, but that’s besides the point.
Anyway, nowadays, if you’re on a social networking site, you can basically know everything that is happening in the life of your ex (and vice versa) by “stalking” them via the internet. This is so odd to me! Your ex can know if you’re in a relationship; when you get engaged and married; what your husband looks like; if you have kids, and if you do, what they look like, what their names are, and how old they are; if you have a job, and if so, where you work, and various other things without ever communicating with them.
I personally am not “friends” with my exes on social networking sites, but most of my girl and guy friends are “friends” with their exes on these sites because they think it is “rude” to not friend them. This is all so bizarre to me!
There is also the situation of an ex writing on your SO facebook/myspace page, and then the subsequent “freakout” that happens. I cannot tell you how many friends I’ve gotten phone calls from because an ex wrote on their SO’s wall (BTW, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that! My point is that as little as 7 years ago, this problem didn’t exist).
Is this weird to anyone else, or am I the only one?
Post # 3
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
Let me also say that I don’t necessarily think this good or bad, it’s just interesting to me how the dynamic of relationships has changed so much.
Thoughts?
Post # 4
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
My 2 HS BFs and one of my college BFs are my FB friends. However, the serious rel’nship that I was in before I dated Darling Husband ended poorly. Our mutual friend (more of my friend) suggested we be friends, and I replied back with “so and so is no longer part of my life” and he thought I was being dramatic…this guy was such a jerk face to me, though!
Post # 5
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: April 2010 - Wyndham Sugar Bay Resort, St. Thomas
It really does make it too easy to find people and see what they’ve been up to. I have an ex that finds me on instant messenger once in a while, friends me, then proceeds to tell me everything that’s been going on with him, then he de-friends me. I’ve learned not to accept his messenger friend requests, and I’ve totally made my facebook profile private. No Nachos stalking allowed!
Post # 6
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
This is an interesting question. I do think that the popularity of FB makes it more challenging to break up with someone, especially if you need to sever all ties before you can get over a person. A friend of mine was dating a woman recently, and I thought she was awesome. But after she broke up with him, she defriended him and every single one of his friends, which was sad for me, since I have no other real way of getting in touch with her. But I can totally understand how she wouldn’t want to risk seeing stuff from him via my account.
Post # 7
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
That’s why my profiles are super private and I don’t accept friend requests from exes. I just don’t feel like it’s any of their business anymore what I’m up to.
Post # 8
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I dont have exes on my FB page… not my “thing”. M doesn’t either actually or if he does they don’t comment on his fb page or any of that kind of thing.
Post # 9
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I just realized why that’s so easy for me: I’m a geezer. 😉 I didn’t have a FB page until I was already with Mr. S, and I never had a myspace or anything… so it’s not like there was any way any of my exes could have already been involved in my social networking circle, which @redherring’s example reminded me of.
Post # 10
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
haha @Spaniel I think I was already w/ my Darling Husband before I got my FB account, too!
Post # 11
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I also just got my FB since M and I have been together so I guess that’s why it’s not such a big deal to me either.
Post # 12
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
I agree with you and Spaniel are right, I completely delete them as friends – because if I’m no longer speaking to them why keep them there. You’re right it can just lead to not-so-great situations.
Sometimes I just like to go “Ugh technology! “
Post # 13
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
I’m friends with all my ex’s on facebook, and Mr. KM is friends with his. He didn’t end things on good terms, but has her profile hidden so he can’t see it, and he doesn’t care to,but he would feel bad if he unfriended her. All except one of my relationships ended on good terms, and I’m friends with two of them, so it doesn’t matter that much. I’m meh about facebook, though, so… I’m on there, and I comment on the people I’m close with and see most days of the week, but other than that I use it to share things with my friends who live 400 miles away.
Post # 14
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
I was already with my Fiance before I got a FB account and I use my privacy settings diligently. I learned my lesson about that when my daughter’s father copied one of my daughter’s pictures off my page and onto his…LOL. I found out about it through mutual friends. Now all of my pictures are “friends only”.
It’s not that I had an issue with him having pictures of our daughter…it was more the creepiness of knowing that he wasn’t my friend but b/c we had mutual friends he was using the connection to browse through my photo albums at will. I mean…you can’t have a civil conversation with me but you are going through pictures of my life at will….creepy
Post # 15
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
i also didn’t have a FB account until just before Darling Husband and I started dating, so the exes weren’t a big deal. However, he was friends with his, and when one would write on his wall, it was so weird to me! It didn,t bother me, I just thought it was odd. He isn’t friends with them anymore (I think he “unfriended” them when we got married), but it”s an interesting dynamic.
Post # 16
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
@jamaicabride: I had the same thing happen to me! One of my exes who I wasn’t friends with “stole” a picture of me to show his friends, and he posted it on his page! Ever since then my page has been SUPER private.
