How do you feel about husbands looking at porn at work?

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you be ok with your husband looking at porn everyday in his spare time?
    Yes : (11 votes)
    9 %
    No : (107 votes)
    91 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    3743 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

    darksky111 :  he tells you sex is “boring” if you’re doing it 3 days in a row, calls you a stalker for checking up on him when he blatantly lied to your face about it, watches porn when there are children around and risks his professional reputation just to watch porn. He sounds like a real charmer! He’s addicted to porn and doesn’t care how it affects you or his career. I’d be so angry. Also, Fiance doesnt get to namecall, so that’s a non-starter for me. If I found myself having to check up on him because he was caught in a lie, there’d be NO WAY IN HELL he’d be calling me names. He’d just be lucky I was giving him another chance & would be watching his P’s and Q’s pretty damn close. 

    Post # 47
    Member
    88 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    Hell no, that is not acceptable. That is WAY too much, but any amount of porn that affects your sex life is too much, and it clearly is affecting your sex life. Don’t believe a word he says about you and your sex life, HE is the problem! He needs to own up to the destruction that his addiction is causing and seek help. Asap. I completely understand the trust issues and personally I would also struggle to trust someone who acts like this and then blames me and calls me a stalker.

    Post # 48
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    I’m just not okay with the whole porn thing in general

    Post # 49
    Member
    4871 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    Your daughter is 14, so you’ve been together for longer than that? Is this a new problem?

    Post # 50
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee

    I’d be fine if my man watched porn on his free time. However, I WOULD DEFINITELY NOT BE OKAY with him watching porn and  masturbating  three times a day while at work. First off, it’s irresponsible. If his trips to the bathroom start getting more frequent, and he’s spending too much time in there, people will notice and it most likely will jeopardize his position with the company. Second, it seems like his porn use has caused a rift in your sex life and that in itself is a problem. Last, he is risking prematurely exposing your children to sexual material. 

    You called him out on his risky behavior and he called you a psycho. Some addicts don’t like to be told that they have a problem with substances or when a person points out how their behavior related to their use is problematic.  By psychological standards, anything is okay as long as the person is able to function in their daily lives (I.e work, school, familial, interpersonal and romantic relationships). At this point, porn is maladaptive to your husband because your physical intimacy is suffering as a result, he’s being irresponsible by having porn in areas your children have access to (parenting), and his use is occurring during work. Each of the reasons above meets criteria for addiction.

     

    Your husband needs help. He needs to speak with a professional individually who has a background treating addiction (bonus if you can locate someone who works with internet or sex addiction), or he could attend sex and love addicts anonymous. Either way, his behavior is a problem and is affecting you negatively. Do you have a support system in real life that you can talk to about this? Have you considered therapy for yourself? What you’re dealing with is upsetting. You shouldn’t have to do it alone, and your support system can help you through this until it gets sorted out. 

     

    I hope things get better soon. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    3420 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2021

    I think it doesn’t even matter one’s views on porn in general – looking at it at work is super inappropriate and could end up getting him in big trouble. I’d be livid if I found out my fiance was doing that. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    1371 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Well my husband works from home. So no I don’t mind.

    Post # 53
    Member
    873 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    ide be pretty upset, im on the jealous side so it his performance in bed lacked becasue he thought ii was boring, well ide start looking for another person who actually wants a real person.

    i hope you guys can work it out, but this sounds like a amjor deal breaker, kinda pervy witht he kids around and stuff.

    Post # 54
    Member
    13 posts
    Newbee

    I’m fine with porn. I enjoy porn occasionally and so does my partner. That being said…just no. No no no. I didn’t read all the comments, but if he’s watching it at work are you kidding me?!!! Hellll no. HELL NO!!!!!

    Post # 55
    Member
    7425 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Everyday seems to be a bit much, almost like he just has nothing better to do. At work is an absolute no but that applies to anything that could get him fired.

    ETA: after reading your updates, this is definitely an issue. Sorry bee.

    Post # 56
    Member
    1958 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    lifeisbeeutiful :  It sounds like OP’s daughter is 14, but heir shared children are younger. The oldest child they share is 5. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’m fairly relaxed on porn. I watch it sometimes. Don’t care if my partner does. But. If he was watching it at work or when kids were up and awake in our house. Then we’d have a serious issue because that’s just not understanding boundaries or it’s an addiction. 

    Post # 58
    Member
    1546 posts
    Bumble bee

    How do you know when/how/how long he does this? Did he admit to it?

    Post # 59
    Member
    3743 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

    I asked Fiance for his take on this, he said “that’s pretty weird isnt it?”. He finds it odd to watch porn as “entertainment” rather than a means to an end, so to speak. Once I mentioned there were kids walking in & out of the room while he was watching it (I assumed silently), he got really uncomfortable and said that was completely messed up. So, not that I suspected guys felt differently than the majoirty of the bees here do, but that confirmed it for me that this situation goes way past the normal porn usage.

    Post # 60
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee

    I’m extremely concerned for the 14 yr old daughter. This sounds like covert sexual abuse.

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