Post # 1
My SO was laughing about the fact that i like to have pictures up of my family. I have a family photo of 5 generations of women from when I was 3. I love that photo and he was teasing me and laughing about how very different we were. He said I was like a 75 year old grandmother. I told him I love seeing pictures of family up. even if they are dead like my dad or grandfather. I don’t like a million pictures up but a few in one key spot in the house is nice for me. It comforts me and warms my heart remembering those people.
To him, they are in the past. Just memories. He’s forward thinking and doesn’t even have pics of his kids up around our house. When I moved in 2 years ago I wanted to put up pictures and asked him to put up his pics of his kids and he refused. He likes the house clearn with just our art pictures and paintings up on the walls and the counters cleaned off and easy to dust.
What is your perspective on this? I honestly had chosen 2 years ago to let it go but it came up this week again and he has since poked fun of me AGAIN tonight about it and, honestly, I didn’t take it very well. I went to find the framed photos (which are in the garage in one of my boxes) and I cried. I guess they were more important to me than I realized or maybe I’m just being an emotional little girl about this? I’ll get over it, but I’m kinda ticked that he thinks it’s so funny!
Post # 2
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have family pictures displayed in thier house. Hell, even when I lived in the dorms in college most of my friends had some pictures of family on thier desk or the wall.
ETA: I don’t get what he find funny. It sounds like he’s being a jerk about it.
Post # 3
I have photos everywhere. To me, life is about making memories with family and friends. There is nothing more important to me than time with those I love, and photos are mementos of those times. They make me feel good when I look around my house.
ETA: And the 5 generation picture is amazing!
Post # 4
He doesn’t have photos of his own children displayed?
He ridicules you for wanting to be able to exhibit pictures of people who are dear to you?
Your bf sounds like a real peach.
Post # 5
This would legit be a dealbreaker for me. Does he have no soul?
…I even have photos of my pets hanging around the house. Framed 8x10s…
Post # 6
You dating Matt Damon in The Departed or something? “You don’t see any pictures of where I came from. Look, I respect who you are. Just, you know, not in the living room. We might have company”
I get the aethetic preference from a home decor point of view, but the way you describe him teasing you for wanting pictures of your family around you…he comes off as coldhearted. 🙁 Maybe you could compromise and keep personal photos displayed in the bedroom or something? Or maybe he could get over himself and respect that this is important to you.
Post # 7
SO, he just asked me if everything was Ok and I told him I was mad at him and then accused him of ‘not knowing me’. He then got angry at me for saying that and then told me he had bought me a digital picture frame and that he was going to scan all those pictures onto it for my birthday. But, in the middle of the conversation he told me I was being a wench because I was ‘accusing’ him of something (not knowing me) and that he’s made compromises too.
When, in reality, all I’ve done is try to adapt to the way he runs this house and how he wants things to be organized and displayed. Then I said, “Well if you know me so well, how come you called me an old lady and made fun of me?” To which he laughed and then said I am too sensitive and that he was just ribbing me. While that may be the case, he never apologized for any of it and kept tryng to make me the bad guy in the conversation just becuase (in a bit of emotion and tears) I accused him of not knowing me….which I did apologize for, too.
I had to leave the room and am on the couch.
Post # 8
- Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club
im sorry but he is insensitive. He is not taking responsibility for his actions and its not okay.
Post # 9
He sounds like an ass. Name calling is never acceptable. And he also sounds pretty controlling.
I get you moved into his home but if you don’t feel like you can make it an “our home” and just have to adapt to what he wants, you may want to reconsider living with him.
Post # 10
Honestly, your boyfriend sounds like a dick hole. My Fiance and I definitely do not agree on home decor but we compromise so that we are both happy in OUR home. Photos are extremely personal. They represent everything that has happened in our lives and I would be miserable in a home without them. We have photos all around the house of everything from past pets to our engagement photos to deceased grandparents, our fridge is even covered with random pictures and photostrips.
The fact that he made fun of you for something that you obviously see as important and then completely dismissed your reaction to his controlling behavior is the biggest red flag for me in your OP. Invalidating my emotions would be a dealbreaker for me.
Post # 11
He has told me that his nickname with his comannding officers in the Army was Mr. Insensitivity. I know that about him. But, he does have a good side too. Like the factt that he bought the digital frame and was going to dig out those pictures and scan them for me. Honestly, it’s not the same to me and I don’t care for the digital pictures frames but I did think the tought was sweet and he doesn’t know that about how I feel about silly digital picture frames.
I moved in here with my son 2 years ago, knowing he was particular. Maybe even a bit OCD about certain things but, at the same time, he isn’t a jealous, controlling kind of guy. He doesn’t look at my phone, he doesn’t complain when I want to spend time with my friends, he lets me be me for the most part and that’s why I let go of a lot of my creature comforts (comforts of home) because he was relatively easy to live with.
We are in our mid 40s and both have kids from prior marriages and so I am grateful I found someone who is relatively normal, admits to having baggage, and tolerates my quriks just as much as I try to accept and tolerate his.
Post # 12
I don’t personally like the aesthetic of family photos displayed in my home either. It isn’t a “not sentimental/heartless” thing, I just enjoy a more clean/modern aesthetic. I think that I am so used to seeing modern advertisements for home decor and staged homes (that also excludes photos) that I don’t see that as an appealing concept. I also honestly have no real attachment to vintage 1980s photos of my SO’s mother, brother, or aunt and wouldn’t really want to stare at them in my house or feel like they needed to be on display when I had guests. I would say that displayed family photos are less common in my circle and in houses I visit as well, with maybe the exception of a few wedding photos from newishly married couples. Or a featured “travel wall” of places people have visited. All other family photos/etc tend to be in the office/library area of the home that is a private workspace and not a guest area or main area of the home.
That said, I would NEVER treat my partner the way yours did you over the issue. If people have two seperate visions of what home decor should look like, that is fine. But it is not okay to behave in a demeaning or hostile way about it. He needs to be an adult, not a bully. If he cannot manage to do that, then perhaps you should print a 40”x40” photo of his elementary school photo and display it as a feature “art piece” in your home to prove that he actually passed the 3rd grade and is capable of acting with a little civility.
Post # 13
Maybe this makes me weird, but I love going to people’s houses and seeing photos on display. Whenever I’ve invited to a random party or my parents dragged me to one of their friend’s houses I loved to walk around the foyer or living rooms and admire the family photos on the walls. I think you really learn a lot about the person based on what they display, it just feels like a home. When I used to nanny I was always sad that this family had practically zero pictures of their children on display, the whole house felt so cold and lifeless.
Post # 14
I don’t get why he’s being so weird about it?? Having family photos displayed is a super normal thing to do… and this is your house too now!
Post # 15
I am very particular about what goes on the walls. I have photos by the stairs and all my frames match. My bestie has giant (think poster size) canvas prints of her family. To me it feels over the top but that’s a style difference. My husband doesn’t like photos. But, he would never stop me from hanging one or ridicule me for things I like. Your boyfriend’s age makes that behavior more concerning.