Post # 46
With my ex-SO a prenup was a non-negotiable when we discussed marriage. With my husband, the thought never entered our minds. He’s been divorced and I had left the man I was planning on marrying. As much as I would have been firmly in the “you never know” camp before I met my husband, I am 100% sure divorce is not in the cards for us. I’d bet everything I have on it.
Deep down I knew things wouldn’t have lasted with my ex and he was a generally selfish person with a lot of selfish friends who would have given him “screw her” advice had we divorced. My husband is extremely fair and altruistic. His divorce was mediated and without animosity. the qualities that make him a good husband make the non-existent chance of divorce and need for a prenup a non-issue
that said, I think pre ups are good for some couples and not for others. I’d also question a marriage to a man with whom I felt the need for a prenup…not that I’d leave him, but I’d ask myself why I felt I needed it. Is he selfish? Is he a schemer? can he support himself?
Post # 47
We discussed signing one but my Fiance was against it. We both have the same net worth at this point and we live in a state where inheritance (if kept seperate), can’t be touched during a divorce. We are considering a postnup now though as a way to protect me from any liability from a company he is starting (my cut from the company would also be stipulated in it).
I am the child of divorce. My parents divorce lasted three years. And then a decade later they took each other back to court for three years. Divorce shouldn’t be easy, but do you want it to put your entire life on hold and be miserable for that long? Not to mention how it affected me (their child). Every time they would have a court hearing and my mom would tell me nothing had been decided yet, I would start crying and be depressed for days. Not to mention the expense, omg!
And in regards to it not being “romantic”, um marriage is a contract, our society adds in all the romance. But at its base form, the entire thing (from the proposal and the ring, yes, the ring which is consideration, up until you sign the papers) is a contract.
Post # 48
As someone who was very idealistic going into my marriage, not thinking a pre-nup was necessary and like a few PP’s have stated “planning for divorce”– I 1,000% agree with a pre-nup now. Divorce can happen to anyone, I really don’t care who/what you think you are. I wish I would have had a pre-nup before getting married, even though neither of us had considerable wealth. Like it has been mentioned, who you marry is not who you divorce.
Post # 49
MrsEllis2017: thank you! yes i agree. people can become way different people once strong, hurt feelings are involved. We dont know how anyone would react to something they believed in so strongly failing.
Post # 50
I work for a law firm that specializes in divorce and pre-nups. I can’t tell you how many people decide against a pre-nup and are back in our offices crying that they should have gone through with the pre-nup. No one ever comes back and says “man I really regretted getting that pre-nup”. No you put it away and forget it exisits and move on with your life unless you need it. The fact is that marriages fail. A pre-nup will protect both sides (if you have good attorneys). I just don’t see what’s wrong with being prepared for the worst case senario. That’s all it is. You’re not saying we’re going to get divorced, you’re saying this is the absolute worst that could happen. I look at it as buying an insruance policy. You hope you don’t have to use it and maybe you won’t have to but you’ll be damn glad you have it if things go south.
As a side note, many people think they need pre-nup when they don’t. Unless there are major assets involved (trusts, inheritance, etc…) you don’t need one.