(Closed) How do you get bridesmaids excited

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@Daizy914:  EXACTLY!!! Same situation here, I dropped one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man well she actually dropped her self in away. She told me that my wedding is not on her priority list and I don’t expect it to be. She also told me that I need to make an appointment or schedule weeks in advance. I do schedule a week but sometimes I see something online and want to go check it out as soon as possible. So I will call my friend to see who normally would go everywhere but now when you put WEDDING label on it I need to make an appointment. MOH/BM are all titles to me and yes it is an honor to be in it but FRIENDSHIP TITLE comes first. We just looking for support, advice and just having plain old fun just as we would if we were going to dinner, movie, club etc… So why do it have to change when you say you are getting married. Also, they expect a Bridesmaid or Best Man gift, but why what have you done to help or support? 

Post # 18
Member
6518 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@JJSoon2bwife14:  Exactly. I mean I had 4 BMs. And one of them was my SIL but she was in FL doing her internship but my Mother-In-Law was super supportive and was there anytime I needed something. 

My friend that was a Bridesmaid or Best Man I felt I couldnt really go to her bc I felt that she would have been upset bc she was going through a rough breakup. So I felt that the help with the wedding would have reminded her about what she is going through.

my sister who was one of my MOHs was just plain unreliable but when the day of the wedding came, anything I needed she was right there. Same with my other friend who was the 2nd Maid/Matron of Honor but during the entire planning she just seemed real negative about everything. When I asked her opinion she just couldnt be bothered. 

But im over it. I learned my lesson. But my advice to other brides to be…dont expect anythong from your Bridesmaid or Best Man and you wont be disappointed. Or anyone for that matter. If you want something done right..do it yourself lol thats my motto

Post # 19
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@imabridesmaid:  I know, I am really late on this post. But honestly, I dont see it as asking a lot…. you said yes to being a bridesmaid ….you said yes to all the duties. A wedding is a lot more work then just showing up with the dress.

Post # 20
Member
1047 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@soon2bmrsdam:  I disagree with you. While it’s nice to help out if you can, I don’t think that being a bridesmaid means you have to out your life on hold so you can focus on someone else’s wedding. As far as I’m concerned, my bridesmaids responsibilities are to wear the dress I bought them and to show up reasonably clean and sober on the day. Everything else they do is a bonus. While I am very grateful for their help, I do not think they are obliged to do it.

 

When it comes to DIY, only take on what you can reasonably do yourself. That way, if your bridesmaids can help you then great, but if they can’t then you can still manage and you won’t be unfairly resentful towards them because you bit off more than you can chew. And if they do help, then make sure to thank them (supplying food and wine helps too!). 

Post # 21
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@aliciaspinnet:  While I agree that they aren’t obligated, if it’s clear from the beginning that the expectation is to help out… They shouldn’t accept if they aren’t okay with that. Plus, I feel like if friends normally hang out together, does it hurt if one is supplying free wine in exchange for tying a few bows a few of those times?

Post # 22
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@aliciaspinnet:  I never said they had to put their lives on hold for my day, bc at the end of the day I know everyone has lives beyond it including myself. I was simply giving suggestions to get maids involved. And just bc I had “many” activities set up for my bridesmaids dont mean that it will work for the next person.

Post # 23
Member
1047 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@soon2bmrsdam:  I didn’t see your initial post, I was replying to your most recent post. What I disagree with is the idea of being a bridesmaid coming with “all the duties” – maybe I just differ on what the duties of a bridesmaid are. If they are willing and able to help then great. I guess I just see too many brides coming through these boards with unrealistic expectations of their bridesmaids who then get upset when they those expectations are not met. (Not referring to you, just an observation about several posts I’ve seen by other people here). I prefer not to expect much other than the basics from my girls, that way everything they’ve done for me has been a lovely bonus that I really appreciate. 

 

 

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@AnonymousCupcake:  I agree that its good to make it clear what the expectations are from the beginning, and of course bridesmaids always retain the option to say no. But does anyone actually outline the duties of being a bridesmaid before asking someone to stand up for them? I’m genuinely curious about this, I can’t imagine anyone saying “I want you to be my bridesmaid – your duties will be x, y and z and I will expect you to spend $x for this. Will you be my bridesmaid?”  And I doubt many people would feel comfortable asking what the job entails before agreeing to be a bridesmaid. 

 

I think the biggest problem whenever this subject comes up is that there is no set standard for what being a bridesmaid entails. So whilst one person may see what they are requesting as being a basic part of being a bridesmaid, others disagree – either through a difference of opinion or because they are just plain unaware that some brides expect certain tasks from their bridesmaids. And sadly this difference can lead to major conflict or even the destruction of a friendship if not dealt with well. 

Post # 24
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@aliciaspinnet:  

+MANY

Thank you!  This is a great post and I agree with everything you said.  Sadly, it’s really not much of an “honor” these days to be in the bridal party, at least on our side of the pond. 

Post # 25
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@soon2bmrsdam:  

And how is it working out for you?  Apparently, not well.

Post # 26
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@imabridesmaid:  I have some amazing bridesmaids and then some that aren’t so much. I dont really understand how my bridesmaids have anything to do with this post, but it seems to me like you are just a very negative person or just trying to make yourself seem that way. Misery loves company and I dont need it. Thanks again for your bridesmaid advice.

Post # 27
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

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@imabridesmaid:  My time on WB has taught me a lot of things, chief among being, now that my sister is married, I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever agree to be a bridesmaid/MOH for someone EVER.  I don’t need “honors” like that in my life.

ETA: My time here has also made me 99.9% sure that I will not have any wedding attendants.

Post # 28
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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@MarriedToMyWork:  +1!! As much as i would love a wedding party, I dont want to have to subject anyone to that. Its more of a sentence really Undecided

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