How do you get over your insecurities and trust issues in a relationship?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1947 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I am sorry that you are going through this but being called crazy and psycho are emotional abusive. Maybe you could go see a counsellor or a therapist 

Post # 3
Member
2517 posts
Sugar bee

I’d leave the relationship. With the right person you should not be having insecurity/trust issues. 

Post # 4
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee

First of all, no name calling. That has to stop IMMEDIATELY. It’s a form of gaslighting, and it’s an EASY way to disregard a woman’s feelings and perspective. You need to explain this to him, and he needs to make a concerted effort to stop. He’s never going to take anything you say seriously if he thinks it’s a result of “just being crazy” or “hormonal” or whatever. 

Second, the way you look and job issues are more in your camp–you need to actively try to change those situations. Exercise more, consider a new job or department, attack projects in a new way, whatever it may be. Unfortunately, he can’t actually do those things for you, so you need to step up. He should be supportive of you as long as you communicate your problems and search for and act on solutions (rather than just complaining or somethng). 

Now, I didn’t read your previous post, so I have no idea if he’s cheated on your or otherwise broken your trust in the past. If he has, you have to figure out if this is worth moving forward with at all. Frankly, I think a man who calls a woman “crazy” all the time isn’t worth keeping around, but that’s me. 

Post # 6
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

From your last post it’s about the lack of sex and wondering if your boyfriend is gay? Well, if you can’t imagine the next 30+ years with this person as is, I’d have to say you need counseling together, or to just split. 

Post # 7
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

As in, he’s calling you crazy and psycho because you keep telling him you think he’s gay? Yeah. That’s not a great look on either of you. 

Listen, here’s the thing. It doesn’t matter if he is attracted to men as well as women. He’s in a committed relationship with you. That means that you should be able to trust him and feel loved and cherished. If you don’t, don’t be in a relationship with him. Full stop.

 

Post # 8
Member
9928 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If your that insecure you need to be alone and work on yourself. Figure out why you’re feeling what you’re feeling and where it stems from. I’ve only ever felt insecure in shitty relationships with shitty people who were mistreating me.

Post # 9
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

OP. It sounds like you are pressing his sexual boundaries by instigating and insisting on oral sex? Perhaps this is one reason why he feels uncomfortable and is reluctant to engage in sexual activity? If his morals are such that he does not want to engage in sexual activity before marriage, you’re probably going to find some reluctance in him to do so. Casting his reluctance as him being gay is not kind to him or to homosexuals. It seems as if you are lacking in respect for him and this is definitely not something to go forward into marriage with.

Post # 11
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Why are you marrying him?

I’m not asking to be snarky but genuinely confused as you two seem to have many issues and it doesn’t seem like this is the right relationship for either of you. 

Post # 12
Member
10849 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

anonymoustoday :  

There is NEVER an excuse for name calling.  

mrandmrsnunes :  is right.  It’s emotional abuse and not to be tolerated.

Couples counseling is contraindicated when there is any form of abuse.  Therapy for yourself would be a good step.  And as other Bees have posted, intense insecurities are a signal you’re in the wrong relationship.  Healthy relationships with healthy partners lift you up.

Step one:  get yourself healthy.

Post # 13
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Read this post and the last one. Why are you still together? 

Post # 14
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

anonymoustoday :  “Just to make it clear he suddenly had these morals when he met me.”

Have you ever heard of the expression to “sow wild oats?”

A number of of conservative religious men I know use their younger years to date around and have many sexual experiences. Then, when they are at an age they deem suitable for marriage (tends to be >30 years old) and they meet someone who they think is suitable for marriage, they start a relationship that is much more conservative/religiously based. Within that relationship, they may have sex less often or stop doing certain sexual acts that are generally frowned upon in their religious community, but that they have enjoyed in the past.

Basically, they leave their “wild” days behind, and within that relationship they become the conservative religious man that their family expects them to be. That’s what I’m guessing you are to him, especially if you are planning on getting married.

I’ve had this experience before, and seen it happen with/to other people, so that’s what I’m basing this guess on. It seems like your boyfriend is definitely becoming more religious, especially if he has put these boundaries in place.

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like this relationship is for you. I wouldn’t expect him to change or go back to the way he was before. This is who he is now… you either accept it or should move on.

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