(Closed) How do you guys deal with "friends"???

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

Ugh, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.  I can’t say I have the problem of people not answering texts/not getting in touch–I just don’t have many friends period.  Makes me feel kind of lame (especially now that my Fiance wants to start picking a bridal party and I am constantly reminded of my lack of girl friends).

My solution has been to adopt the female significant others of my FI’s friends and kind of make them my friends.  We all chat now and plan group dates.  They’re not people I confide in or anything, but hopefully we’ll continue to get closer over time.

Post # 3
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t have time for “friends” like that.  I just don’t.  I don’t have that many friends in general but the ones I do have are very loyal and absolutely wonderful.

If I were you I would maybe join a meetup.com group or go out to a happy hour with some people from work or something.  It’s never too late to make new friends.  🙂

Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
milabeehappy:  Yeah, I totally get that.  Some of my good friends from college were just back in town for the holidays (they live across the country) and didn’t even get in touch to meet up while they were in town.  Oh well…

Post # 6
Member
4702 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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milabeehappy:  I feel this way sometimes. My friends can be consumed with their own lives and can be selfish at times. It’s really annoying but I try to understand that things are just not the same as they were ten years ago. For instance a good amount of my girl friends have kids now so I know they have a lot going on but I definitely feel like I’m an afterthought or pushed aside because I’m not in the same place in my life as they are and this can be incredibly frustrating..

i feel for you Bee. Have you ever tried talking to them about how you feel? It’s possible that they don’t even realize how much it’s bothering you and maybe something positive can come out of being honest with them about your feelings…

Post # 7
Member
28 posts
Newbee

View original reply
milabeehappy:  I’ve recently been very disappointed by the behavior of my two closest “friends.” Funny that 
View original reply
ljm308 mentioned meetup.com: I joined a few days ago and have already signed up for three events. I’m really excited to meet new people. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee

I have 3 good girlfriends that i’m in touch with regularly and see often – two have babies so i’ll always make the effort to see them and not expect anything in return and the other I work with.

I think this is just what happens when you get older. You start a family and get busy – life just flies by and before you know it it’s been 6 months since you last saw your friends. It sucks.

Post # 9
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

It’s extraordinarily rare to have a group of true friends. I have about 3 real friends in my life although I used to be such a social butterfly, I had your issue of odd communication, decided to stop bothering, and have been left with the very best friends I could wish for. It’s dead energy wasting time on the wrong people.

Post # 10
Member
1930 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

As someone who rarely responds when contacted all I can tell you is not to take it personal, although it is personal. (If that makes sense.) The reason they are “ignoring” you may not necessarily be negative, but it IS valid. For example, I have a friend who contacts me to hang and out sometimes I don’t respond or decline because I know I’ll have to pick her up/drop her off. She doesn’t drive and I’m OK with that… SOMETIMES. If she catches me in when I’m not in a mood to drive I won’t respond. You’d think it’d be as simple as “Hey, I don’t feel like driving, but if you can catch a ride here or pay for our cabs for the night, I’m down” because most people just straight up don’t want to hear that. The truth creates problems. It’s just easier to let it be for now.

Have you considered joining a group with a similar interest? Like all relationships, friendships require WORK and TIME. You have to put those in or just accept being an acquaintance. I’m an acquaintance and 99% of the time I love it.

Post # 11
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

People come and go out of life. I never had a lot of friends, I have two friends that I might hang out with some times, when life allows. To me, it’s not a big deal. I’m happy to text! My schedule is very different from most people’s, so we never get a Saturday tho go do fun stuff because I’m always working. I wouldn’t think that much of it. I do remember being more sad that I didn’t have this huge bridal party of “friends” when I was getting married. It gets better. 

Post # 13
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee

ever since facebook entered the picture, my friends only communicate there unless something is URGENT!! So I’ve picked up extra hobbies and started focusing on my own life, at least I’ve become a lot more independent and I’m not afraid to go to a restaurant alone anymore

Post # 14
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

I was just complaining to my fiance about this yesterday. I have a friend who was in town for the holidays and said he’d contact me to get together and I never heard from him. I just think it’s rude not to do what you say you’re going to or to ignore people. I have a couple friends I’ve lost over the past year or so because they became so flaky. It’s been really hard, but sometimes you need to let go and redirect your energy.

I also think it’s true that it’s harder to maintain friendships at certain times in your life. I feel like I’m in this awkward place right now where I’m just getting married and looking to buy a house in the next year, but my friends are all settled into their homes and having families. Sometimes I feel down that we aren’t having a larger wedding, but I try to remind myself that the people who will be there care about us a lot and even if our social circle is smaller we have some great people in our lives. 

 

 

 

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