(Closed) How do you guys feel about open marriage/polygamy?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you ever seriously consider embarking in an open marriage?

    Yes- i would be completely comfortable with my partner sharing their sexuality with others

    Yes- But I wouldn't want to know about the other people

    I would let my partner but I don't think I could

    No- I want my marriage to be between 2 people only

    No- I would doubt DH's/DW's love for me

    No- I'm not comfortable with polygamy

    I would be willing to try it out

    Yes/maybe - I would be somewhat comfortable with my partner sharing their sexuality with others

  • Post # 17
    Member
    6354 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Not good about it, at all. This is one of few “cultural differences” I have trouble accepting about some other peoples around the world (I know polygamy/polyandry is the norm in some places).

    For whatever reason, it doesn’t bug me that some animals mate that way. Although even with animals, I do feel more affinity to the lifelong pair-bonding ones (like most birds for example).

    Post # 19
    Member
    9079 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

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    @DrTeeth:  You summed it up nicely.

    My college friend is very devoted and very much in love with her husband. She is also in love with her girlfriend(s).

    Committment and marriage are not mutually exclusive. You can be committed to someone but sleep with or date other people.

    Post # 20
    Hostess
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

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    @DrTeeth:  While the term committment may have a broad definition amongst individuals marriage is pretty straightforward generally speaking. While yes some cultures may have a more accepting and open definition of marriage I can’t speak for them and this thread isn’t asking me to answer for those cultures, I can only answer for myself. In my culture, in my religion and in my general society marriage is a vow between two people in every sense including sexual acts.

    Again if you (not you specifially, anyone) choose to engage in an open relationship that is their choice but to do so under the pretense of marriage seems a bit counter intuitive. It is like having your cake and eating it too. If you want to be open with others while continuing the original relationship why get married?

    I’d like to add that to be clear what other people do doesn’t bother me in the least and to each their own, these have just always been questions/thoughts I have had about this topic in general.

    Post # 21
    Member
    9079 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

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    @Treejewel19:  Tax breaks, formal benefits (Military, state, governmental, etc), shared finances, all sorts of goodies that are deemed not too romantic but married people of every standpoint take advantage of.

    Post # 22
    Member
    6511 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Definitely not for me.  I frankly don’t want anyone but my husband, and he feels the same about me 🙂

    Post # 23
    Hostess
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

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    @Hyperventilate:  So if two people are purely married for those purposes then there really insn’t a committment at all I would guess. In that sense if I were married legally for some alternative purpose but not really committed it wouldn’t really matter I suppose.

     

    Post # 24
    Member
    3355 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

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    @DrTeeth:  I didn’t need to hear your justification because I admit, I don’t care to.

    View original reply
    @Hyperventilate: I didn’t get married because of those benefits.

    View original reply
    @Treejewel19: agreed.

    Post # 25
    Member
    3667 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    It’s not for me, but if other couples want to do it and all parties involved are aware of and okay with the situation, go for it.

    Post # 26
    Member
    9079 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

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    @Treejewel19:  “Commitment” has many different definitions. Just because it didn’t apply to you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t apply to someone else, either.

    View original reply
    @strawbs:  I never said anybody did. They are benefits that people can take advantage of. I don’t see why somebody shouldn’t.

     

    Edited for spelling.

    Post # 27
    Hostess
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

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    @Hyperventilate: I would like to invite you to read my earlier comment…”While the term committment may have a broad definition amongst individuals…”

     
     Are you saying that those are added benefits or marriage? Or that there are those that are marrying purely for those purposes? I deciphered you were stating the latter which I why I was suggesting that in this case if you are just married for a tax break I guess it wouldn’t matter to either party if one or both slept with others.

    Post # 28
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    it’s definitely not for me (or FH) but I do enjoy the showtime show Polyamory on occasion (but it is a little steamy lol)

    Post # 29
    Member
    9079 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

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    @Treejewel19:  You’re absolutely right. So I don’t see the point of your second post, then.  I doubt these people are married solely for benefits. I know from my limited experience with polygamy, my friend married her husband because she loves him and wants to be committed to him. At the same time, she wants to love other people. She won’t marry anyone else (As someone else stated it is illegal, but I doubt that’s the point.) Her heart lies with her husband, even though she may lie with another person.

    It’s what makes another couple happy, ultimately. Commitment definitions or legalities aside, if it makes you happy, and everyone is on board, have at it. But that’s just my own opinion.

    Post # 30
    Member
    1038 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Would never consider this.  Marriage to me is God joining a man and woman together plain and simple.  Sex is a gift from God to strengthen a married couple.  An open relationship goes against my personal and religious beliefs.   

    Post # 31
    Hostess
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

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    @Hyperventilate:  You posted various other benefits of marriage which didn’t really seem to be applicable however I was trying to decipher what you were saying. My response was based on the premise that these were the sole reasons for marriage (so if that was incorrect ignore please) and that an emotional connection wasn’t valid. In other words I married him only for a tax break/residency etc.

    I get what you are saying about your friend but I still have the same issues with an open marriage, marriage being the pivotal word. Again that is based on my background, culture, religion and social view of marriage.

     

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