(Closed) How do you guys feel about open marriage/polygamy?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you ever seriously consider embarking in an open marriage?

    Yes- i would be completely comfortable with my partner sharing their sexuality with others

    Yes- But I wouldn't want to know about the other people

    I would let my partner but I don't think I could

    No- I want my marriage to be between 2 people only

    No- I would doubt DH's/DW's love for me

    No- I'm not comfortable with polygamy

    I would be willing to try it out

    Yes/maybe - I would be somewhat comfortable with my partner sharing their sexuality with others

  • Post # 32
    Member
    401 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I just posted this in another thread, but an estimated 50-75% of married men have cheated in their marriage (30-60% overall) and these numbers are only increasing amoung the younger generation. That means that the majority of women are ALREADY “sharing their man” without knowing about it. I would rather everything be out in the open. I have consistently been in open or poly relationships and wouldn’t change it for anything.

    Post # 33
    Member
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Well my husband and I both joke about how we need a housewife/househusband to get shite done around here so we can just relax when we get home from work, but that’s about as far as it goes. For us two is a good number!

    Post # 34
    Hostess
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @CountryRose:  That is a good spin off…who would rather it be out in the open versus kept in the dark?

    Post # 35
    Member
    9079 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    View original reply
    @Treejewel19:  I understand the misconception. No, I do not think these people marry PURELY for benefits. But it is a beneifit OF being married and thus might sway people who are polygamorus, but on the fence on the whole marriage issue. My friends, for example, have two beautiful daughters together (Who are in their early to mid teens and know about their parent’s lifestyle) and because of marriage, the whole family are able to take advantage of healthcare.

    I understand marriage is sacred to some people, between a man and a woman, no more no less.

    I don’t fault anyone for those beliefs, or the beliefs against any other belief. At least here in the US, we’ve got the rights to have those beliefs.

    An open mind is all I have. While polygamy isn’t for me, I support anyone’s right to choose it should they be all happy hunkydory about it. Besides… hippies had free love!

    Post # 36
    Member
    2689 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    To each their own, love comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but for me it wouldn’t work.

    Post # 37
    Member
    9800 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Not for us.  But I have no problem with it for anyone else.   Wouldn’t hurt me or my marriage.  I don’t see any conflict with having a marriage and haven’t sex with others if both parties are okay with it.  For me marriage is commiting to spend your life with someone…but I don’t think it’s up to me to define how people do this.  Some people sleep in separate bedrooms or have separate houses.  Some might have additional sex partners I guess.

    I don’t have a problem with polygamy or polyamorous relationships either if everyone involved knows/approves (I don’t know how this type of marriage would potentially work legally though…)

    Post # 38
    Member
    790 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I…understand the appeal, in theory, sort of. But I think it’s probably a weaker system than monogamy for keeping a relationship healthy and thriving (and monogamy itself doesn’t have an amazing track record). When I hear about open relationships I can’t help but wonder whether both couples are really comfortable with it or whether there’s a power dynamic playing itself out. Or I wonder, if one partner is more active outside the marriage, whether the other feels the need to “keep up” and that seems like it could be really emotionally destructive. I wonder how many times you can enjoy intense, possibly infatuational encounters with new people before you erode the feelings that your primary relationship is based on.

    I “understand it” because I believe it’s possible to be committed to your spouse in the sense that you want to share a life with him, grow old with him, raise children with him, etc., and still have seasons of powerful attraction to other people, and that feeling can knock you off your feet. Powering through those seasons of attraction and trying to ignore what can be incredibly intense hormonal and emotional stirrings is hard, particularly during moments of weakness in a marriage. But it’s my suspicion (and – disclaimer – I have no experience with an open relationship) that negotiating an open marriage over the long term, and keeping it healthy, would be far harder.

    The funny thing is that most people recoil at the idea of open marriages and see them as a perversion of marriage, and yet adultery is as common as dirt, and while we may condemn it, no one is exactly shocked by it. In other words, it seems “normal” if regrettable for a married person to have a secret affair but outlandish for the married person’s spouse to consent. The consent aspect is what throws people for a loop.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1900 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Personally, I would consider it if my fiance brought it up, but it would have to have some very strict rules around it. He’s pretty against open relationships, though, so I guess there’s nothing to worry about there! 🙂

    Post # 40
    Member
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Ohhh the old open marriage debate….

    It’s not for me, but to each their own.  What another couple chooses to do inside or outside their own bedroom has zero effect on me.  People that have open marriages do not undermine my marriage in any way.

    Post # 41
    Member
    430 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn

    It’s definitely not for me, but I support people who enter into polygamy respectfully. All parties must be consenting adults who treat each other with respect.

    Post # 44
    Hostess
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @BridieBea:  That is your assumption and intepretation. What others do doesn’t bother me at all as it has absolutely no bearing on my marriage or my defintion of marriage. Having an opinion on a topic doesn’t mean I intend for others to share that opinion, nor does it mean that your opinion invalidates mine or vice versa. That is the wonder of discussion isn’t it? 🙂

    As I clearly stated I have always had these questions with regards to this topic that really can’t be answered because well there isn’t a right answer. Just something for me to ponder and a topic for conversation, that is all.

    Post # 46
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I didn’t vote but for me, I personally wouldn’t want it for me and DH, but I’m totally fine with other people being in plural marriages assuming they’re all consenting adults, not living on government aid exclusively, and happy with their decision to be in a plural marriage. For example, on TLC’s Sister Wives, I have no problems with what they’re doing. They’re not bothering people or forcing it on others and they’re able to afford all the kids and homes and not living on welfare for an indefinite, extended period of time.

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