(Closed) how do you handle aksing bridesmaids to buy their dress? help!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Maybe some of the other bridemaid could talk with her. Not pulling her aside or anything but brought up in small conversation.

Post # 4
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with NatashaN.  Maybe someone cold say "I am sure glad we get to pick our dresses out so I can find one that i like that won’t blow my budget!" or if you picked something "I really like the dress that _______ picked for us, it is so pretty, and it was a great deal for us too!"

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 I think the first thing is for you to come up with the parameters about the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses.  Color, fabric, price range…  Is it going to be a uniform dress or let them pick it themselves?  Once you have that established, I think that’s your launching pad for discussing price with her.  I don’t think it’s a bad thing to offer that to her as her gift.  So I don’t think you necessarily made a mistake by saying what you did.

If you want them to be in the same dress, you can try to find something less expensive.  Maybe look at Nordy’s or Macy’s, etc.  You can try to see how she feels about the prie, and see what she can swing, and how much you’ll have to supplement.  If you allow them to choose their own, maybe you can help her find something in her price range.  If she ccan’t afford anything, I would haope she’d be more upfront when you asked her to be in the wedding, that she didn’t have ANY money.  (Although you did mention that she’s not that experienced in being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.)

Post # 6
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would tell her that you would like her to buy her dress, and let her know that she can pick one out in her price range. Also let her know about shoes and stuff. It is difficult to discuss money with friends sometimes, but if she doesn’t know the traditional way of what the bridesmaids pay for, you will just have to let her know the estimated costs ahead of time if possible. If you are willing to buy her dress as her gift that is really nice of you. But would the other girls expect the same?

Post # 7
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I always assumed when I accepted the role of bridesmaid I was responsible for dress, shoes, hair, makeup, etc.  If the bride gifted any of those items that was great but not expected.

I agree give her the dress basic requirements and look at the department stores especially now with them changing out the seasons there could be some good deals out there. 

Post # 8
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

I like all of the above suggestions! One other idea, and this is what I’m doing with my BMs…you could always give her a gift card. This way you can help her out with whatever amount you are comfortable with without paying for the dress in it’s totality. Another gentle way to get your point across might be to point her towards sales when you see JCrew or someplace has a big online sale. Just and email like "Hey, I know you’re still looking for your Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and I saw that X has a 50% off sale this weekend!"

Post # 9
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

All good suggestions from the hive!  I really like the gift card idea!  All my bridesmaids are paying for their dresses, but I am providing their jewelry and shoes as part of their BM gifts to help them out a little.  I don’t think making her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress is necessarily a good idea, because then you might feel obligated to provide the other BMs with a gift of equal value.  How about just telling her you will front the money and she can pay you back?

Post # 10
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I am planning to tell my bridesmaids they will need to purchase their dress, but I am trying to be very reasonable in my selection (trying to stay under $100). That way, my BMs know they need to pay, but will understand I have their personal budgets in mind.

Post # 12
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Just a little input here…

My first wedding, the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses came from JCPenney and were perfectly lovely. JCPenney no longer has a bridal department, so that option is no longer available.

The Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses for my 2nd wedding this coming October came from another online store. They are NOT Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses & not purchased from a wedding vendor. They were the exact fabric (chiffon) and exact color (its called Pomegranete-between claret and a dark pink with a bit of a plum undertone-but not as muddy as a burgundy)and the cut-similar neckline, similar flutter sleeve, etc. as my dress. It came in all sizes, the price was right (under $150). The return period was 30 days (unheard of for ordered Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses from a boutique or most online stores for traditional Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses) and they were delivered in less than a week!

When I am asked to be in someone’s wedding I fully expect to be responsible for paying for the cost of my dress, shoes, hair, etc. I also expect to be partially responsible for assisting with at least one shower, the bachelorette party/weekend/dinner/spa day (whatever we decide to do), and to delegate my time as the bride needs to assist with details of planning (invites, music, dresses, decorating, florist, etc.). If I felt that I was unable to fulfill these duties, I would discuss this with the bride. If I am close enough to someone that they would ask me to be in their wedding, then I feel that we would have a close enough relationship to discuss these items as well. Poor communication makes for mixed signals and hurt feelings-most of which could be avoided!

Post # 13
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

you should just be upfront and be like, I would love to purchase dresses for all of my bridesmaids but I cant afford it, every bridesmaids buys their own dress, however if you cant afford it I totally understand if you cannot be a bridesmaids, thats normal

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