Post # 1
SO and I are on our second year of handling holidays together as we’ve been dating now almost a year and a half. Most holidays between family don’t conflict (like Christmas) the only two holidays we seem to have a problem with is Easter and Thanksgiving.
Here are the problems: both families live in the same town, my family is very very small, while his is very large. His family celebrations tend to be a big deal with many people attending, while mine are usually just me and my parents.
I want both families to feel included. I understand he wants to celebrate with his family as it is a big deal, but I don’t want my family to feel left out either.
I feel like I’m juggling 5 balls in the air trying to please everyone and it is exhausting! My dad got SOOO upset at Easter because we didn’t celebrate the main meal with them, we went later in the day. But SO doesn’t seem to want to try and split up the day for Thanksgiving.
I’m trying to avoid drama this time around.
How do you guys handle holiday celebrations? Any advice would be appreciated.
Post # 3
We’re from the same hometown, so we’ve had to juggle the same issues. For Thanksgiving (when we still lived in town), we typically started at whichever house was serving dinner first, then leave in time to make the end of dinner and dessert at the other. This required leaving the first house early, but it worked. Just let both families know in advance what your plans are.
If your celebration with your parents is just the two of you with them, would it be possible to ask them to push the dinner later so that you can spend more time with them after you leave the other family’s house?
Post # 4
We handle it everyother year with our families. And we might change this now, since my family is so small (mom and brother) close by.. we might be having a big xmas thing going on for next xmas with either his moms fam or his dads fam. They are divorced.
Post # 5
We kind of luck out that his family is Jewish and my family is Catholic, so no conflicts with Christmas, Hanukkah, or Easter. But Thanksgiving was a problem, but we actually decided to invite my fiance’s family to my family’s thanksgiving (we usually have the bigger group) and they’ve come every year since. It’s great, we get to spend the whole day with both families, and one of my sister’s actually invited her in laws also. But this only works if both families get along well.
Post # 6
If your family is really small, why ask your SO’s family if it’s okay for your parents join for dinner? That’s what we’ve done with my Mother-In-Law and Brother-In-Law, it works out perfectly. Thankfully our families get along really well (my mom and Mother-In-Law now have IMAX movie dates), and really, what’s 2 more for dinner if you’re cooking for a crowd anyways?! It makes holidays SO much easier!!
Post # 7
We live within driving distance of my family right now, but not his, so we just end up spending Thanksgiving with mine. It’s also not really a huge holiday for his family, anyways, but it is for mine. If we move away after grad school and would have to travel to either, I’m assuming we’ll probably take turns.
For Christmas, my family just always celebrates the weekend before or after and my brothers and I all spend Christmas with our in-laws, so it works out well. I think my parents have actually grown to enjoy having Christmas day as a quiet celebration on their own.