Post # 1
Spinoff to a few of my other posts: my fiancé has a sticky family life, to say the least. I try to be supportive and just listen to him when he needs to vent, and if he wants my advice on things, I try to be objective with anything I suggest. I feel like it’s not my place to cause rifts in the family because of my opinions. But, I know sometimes I overstep my boundary line and stick myself into situations I probably should stay out of.
How do you personally handle family drama with your in-laws or future in-laws? Do you tend to stay aloof but supportive, or do you usually actively engage and get involved? For those who do get involved, how long did it take you to feel comfortable enough to have a say in issues/arguments?
Post # 2
We don’t have much drama but when we do we just play the supportive role. So I will listen to him vent and give advice when asked – I give my honest opinion when asked, I don’t try to come from a neutral place – but I never insert myself into his family issues.
He does the same for me. Listens and gives advice when asked but would never go talk to my brother or parents about any drama himself.
Post # 3
I stay out of it. He has a lifelong history with these people, and I’ve known them only a few years. I’m supportive if he wants someone to vent to. If one of his family members approaches me about him, I simply tell them I’m not comfortable discussing the issue in his absence.
Post # 4
We used to have drama, mainly from Mother-In-Law who lies and can be manipulative. We have a united front on this. My hubs handled the drama by simply not participating and keeping a huge distance between them. Now they recognize what is acceptable and not after years. I stay out of it.
Post # 5
My only requirement is that if any of his family disrespect me or our marriage or any future kids that he stands up to them and let’s them know it is unacceptable behavior. His family his job to set boundaries with them. My only role would be to help enforce existing boundaries and be a united front.
If there was a boundary in place he had told his family about and they tried to overstep and I was the one there? I would clearly state that he told them that wasn’t appropriate and that stands. Only do that when he isn’t there to handle it in the moment himself.
On the other hand If it is my family that is being rude towards him I would handle it and let them know that wasn’t ok.
Post # 6
When I started dating my husband we had a lot of drama with his brother and brothers girlfriend, then after they broke up just with brother. It was all money related, as in they expected him to pay for their rent and car, my husband had been doing this before but I wasn’t having it, they were fully capable adults so it made no sense. I never held back my feelings and for a long time we fought about it and my husband thought I wasn’t sensitive and understanding because I have a small family that operates VERY differently.
Anyways, husband eventually realized he was being taken advantage of and drew boundaries. Our relationship with that brother is good, they’re still close and we are in a good spot. It may have ended differently, who knows, but I’m glad I voiced my opinions and glad my husband was able to finally see what was going on and ultimately stand up for himself.
we now have an understanding that all decisions regarding money to family members.
That being said, if it was something that didn’t directly affect myself and wasn’t disrespectful to my husband I’d probably just stay out of it. Just depends on what the drama really is.
Post # 7
My fiancée’s mum is a narcissist and has been emotionally and in the past physically abusive towards her and her father. Her dad was her mum’s enabler until he left her 9 years ago and now my fiancee’s brother is. He was and still is the golden child so he is very easily manipulated by her and makes excuses for her behaviour to my fiancée and his gf and has disowned his own father and all his side of the family for leaving her.
Initially it was hard as my fiancée didn’t recognise her mother’s behaviour was abuse, so after quite a few arguments about her manipulation and bullying she spoke to her father about it and he basically told her he agrees with me, which is why he left (he left her mum about 5 years before we met, but never really said why or badmouthed her etc). After that things got a lot easier and my fiancée began to see through her manipulation and put up boundaries etc.
I will always offer my opinion and support my fiancée, but as it’s her family I leave any decisions about how to handle them up to her, I would never speak on her behalf or do anything to insert myself into their issues because it’s her family not mine. I definitely speak up to my fiancée though if I think her mum or brother are behaving inappropriately or unfairly because as she’s been a victim of that her entire life she doesn’t always recognise what they’re doing isn’t normal or is abuse. She has asked me to do that though because she knows her judgment is a bit flawed sometimes when it comes to them, if she wanted me not to then I’d respect that.
Post # 8
Don’t really have drama with them since he has a very small family and they aren’t close. Mother-In-Law used to be a real peach she didn’t like me because of my race and would say awful things to Dh. He shut it down every time and removed himself from the situation. She finally realized she was going to lose him if her behavior continued. She came around last year and has since made SO many improvements it blows my mind. We have been together 5 years so it took a little while but we are expecting our first baby and that might have something to do with it. Nevertheless we don’t like drama so we’re both happy she finally came around and wants to be involved in our lives.
Post # 9
I just try to stay out of it. My husband and I will discuss other peoples’ drama with his parents sometimes but we don’t personally get involved. When not around his parents and it’s just us we enjoy updating eachother on all the latest family gossip since it can get pretty entertaining. But we’re much more of observers than people who get involved.
Post # 10
I tend to listen to my husband vent and give my honest opinion about the situation if he asks. I usually try to stay out of the drama, but a few times recently I’ve hit my limit with how his sister treats me and I said something. Glad I did, he’s since stuck up for me more and talked to her about some of the stuff she says/does.