- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2015
How do you balance the demands of your family, SO’s family, and the need for alone time or time with just your SO?
We just got married. The demands of the holidays with family are stressful but expected. We both get a nice amount of time off at Christmas, but there is family vying for most of that time. SO works in a field where he gets a couple of months a year off in addition to vacation time. I only get normal holidays plus a couple of extra days at Christmas and 10 days of vacation. 2015 vacation is taken up by wedding and honeymoon. For 2016 we were planning on traveling to a destination wedding for SO’s cousin, then doing vacation the week after. I was a little hesitant to do this as it used up most of my vacation days (9), but that’s what vacation is for, right? My husband told me his parents approached him about turning the trip into a family vacation. This is hard for my husband – he knows we already had a plan, but his parents are guilt tripping him hard about family time and his younger brothers never see him etc. We confronted them as a team and told them a family vacation was not going to happen, and they were hurt and continued the guilt trip.
It’s just so frustrating. I feel so burnt out from wedding planning, the wedding, starting a new job, moving to a new city, etc. and feel a little overwhelmed. I’m pretty introverted, so time to recharge is important to me. His family does a lot of family time at holidays – including a yearly 3 day family trip around the holidays. It is all very fun but leaves me feeling totally drained. I feel frustrated that all of our holiday time off is family stuff (which by itself is fine), but that they then also want to monopolize vacation time. I’ve been too busy with all of this stuff and need to relax – I’ve been having cluster headaches, sleep issues, and the irritability that accompanies those things.
I feel like people my/his parents’ age forget what it is like to get such limited vacation time, and that I want vacation time to be our time that is not open for family vacations with rare exceptions.
My husband has been good at dealing with this stuff as it comes, but I still feel a lot of pressure and like the amount of time we have to give is not enough.