(Closed) how do you handle judgmental guests?

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Frankly…who cares what a judgemental person thinks? Your wedding is about you and your Fiance and having a Catholic ceremony is very special. If your friend has an issue with the Church, well, she knows what’s coming when she sees your invitation.

Why do you think people would be insulted or mad about how you choose to do your ceremony for your wedding? Many weddings are religious, it’s not uncommon and if they have such a huge problem with it, then they shouldn’t come.

Honestly, there will always be someone who judges. But it is SO not worth your time to worry about their opinion. They will always find something to be snobby about and truly, it is a sign of insecurity and unhappiness.

Do what you want and ignore the drama.

Post # 4
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would have told her that it is a common thing for catholic weddings. She is the one that is being ignorant. I would have corrected her and told her that we are doing it in ours too. 

Other than that my only other suggestion is to ignore it. People always find something wrong with things if they want to. It’s about their attitude and unfortunately you can’t control everyone’s. 

Post # 5
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

She can either sit through it or bounce.  You dont have to justify anything, puh-lease. 

Post # 6
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

i find that a surprising thing to pass judgement on really….giving flowers to mary is just not a very extreme/unusual thing and i think it is super weird that your friend was upset about it.  it is a lovely moment and dedication.  don’t worry about your silly guest.  

Post # 7
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

As I have gotten older I have learned not to let comments like that go so easily.  Rude people should be called on their comments.  

I would have responded with a calm “What is wrong with that?”  And possibly explained the reason for the practice.  She would have either felt stupid for her comment and ignorance or she would have learned at least to shut up.

Post # 8
875 posts
Busy bee

HOW RUDE!!!  I’m not Catholic, but anytime I have witnessed that part of the ceremony it is always meaningful! 

Post # 9
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t even know why that would bother her. I mean, I can understand some protestants get really upset over Mary, but you got to figure when you walk into someone else’s place of worship, there might be something happening you don’t agree with.

Post # 10
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you should have said something to her when she said that to you, because it seems like now when she finds out, it’s going to be awkward, like you specifically didn’t tell her, for whatever reason.

Maybe she doesn’t understand why it’s done, and she would have benefitted from an explanation. Or, like another PP said, she would at least learn when to shut up. I do not believe in god so we are not having a religious ceremony, but I have always made it a point to respect other’s religions and I would NEVER judge someone else’s religious practices, especially ones I don’t understand.

Maybe you could speak to her again and say something like, “Remember you said something about that couple placing flowers at the Virgin Mary’s feet… I forgot exactly what you said. FH and I are planning on doing that, so it got me thinking about what you said…” If you say it in a non-confrontational way, it will likely come off like you’re just asking her opinion on it, and if she has a problem with it, you can address your point of view. I think if it’s important to you that she’s not disgusted about it, as you said, you should try to have an open and honest conversation with her about why she had that reaction and what your feelings are regarding it.

In the future, I would just say something like, “That’s very common at Catholic weddings… we’re even planning on doing that at ours, and we’re not even having a full mass.” Or whatever the issue is in the future, address it right away so it doesn’t become something that you stress out about.

She should also realize that you’re getting married soon, so in criticizing other weddings, she is potentially sticking her foot in her mouth, so to speak, with regards to your wedding (like she did in this case). She should have a little more tact.

Post # 11
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You seem to be a person who is caring and sensitive to others. My advice? Don’t invite her. You don’t want to offend her. Wink


(Sry. It’s been a long day.)

Post # 12
1032 posts
Bumble bee

I say, in a nicer way, because obviously you can’t say this directly, but in not so many words:”oh shove it” 🙂 

Its about you, your guy, and your relationship with God.

Post # 13
1032 posts
Bumble bee

@RobynB: long day here too, hahaha! brings out the “other side” of me. 

Post # 15
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I ignore judgmental people, who are they to judge someone else. its your day and plan on having your ceremony the way you want it.

Post # 16
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I have run into a little of this too. Also there are enough people around who think we actually worship the statues. If you are interested in having a good “explanation” if it comes up again, there are resources around the web, one in my favorites is:


One of my favorite quotes is from Bishop Fulton Sheen, who said “There are not more than 100 people in the world who truly hate the Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive to be the Catholic Church.” There’s a lot of ignorance out there.

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