(Closed) how do you handle judgmental guests?

posted 9 years ago in Catholic
Post # 17
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I learned a long time ago to ignore such people and go ahead with my plans.

Post # 18
Member
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Catholic Church & The Engine Room at Georgetown Studios

@starry: I agree that you should take the opportunity to address it with her.  Instead of looking at it as someone being judgemental of you, it is a chance to educate someone on the Catholic faith.  As a whole, Catholics shy away from sharing our faith with others which just continues misunderstandings. @Magdalena‘s quote from Bishop Fulton Sheen is spot on.  The fact that you aren’t “Official” doesn’t mean you can’t stand up for your faith- in fact, I have found those who have converted to be some of the most powerful and effective evangelizers and defenders of the faith.  Best wishest to you and your Fiance

PS we brought flowers to the Holy Family and after Eucharist it wss my favortie part of the Mass.

Post # 19
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can’t imagine why laying flowers at Mary’s feet would be insulting to someone. If they have a problem with it, whatever. We had a Catholic ceremony with plenty of non-Catholics present but didn’t even worry about what people would think about the ceremony. We didn’t end up doing the presentation of flowers just because of the layout of the church but it was definitely an option to do so. I agree with the other bees, if she brings something like that up again just let her know it is actually really common to do that.

Post # 21
Member
604 posts
Busy bee

That’s awful!! Everyone’s choice of ceremony is their own. A lot of Hispanic people do the laying of the flowers at the Virgin’s feet and its lovely I sure will be including that into our ceremony. At the end of the day, you do what you want. There will always be someone who will talk its just sad that they have to comment over something that is very personal, and dear to one.

Post # 22
Member
7299 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m Buddhist so you should hear the things I’m dealing with right now. lol Screw the haters. We all have a right to believe whatever we want to believe in. I have been to many Catholic ceremonies and I think it’s such a sweet part of the ceremony.

Post # 23
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@bloodgo1: Some people might say that laying flowers at the feet of a statue of the Blessed Virgin is idol worship.  Of course, those same people have no problem laying flowers at the grave of a loved one. 

It’s the same as the people who chastise Catholics for “praying to saints” but a week later ask you to pray for their sick aunt.

Post # 24
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I honestly believe that if someone accepts your invitation to come into your house of worship during your wedding ceremony that they should be open and non-judgemental about the ceremony.  It is your wedding, and you should be able to do it your way.  As a guest (and a friend) she should be supportive of you and your choices. 

Post # 25
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

I always think that this part of a Catholic ceremony is lovely, although I don’t really understand it’s meaning or significance.  I know who Mary is of course… I just don’t know why some brides choose to lay flowers there. 

Post # 26
Member
3165 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Missbliss: from Magdalena‘s link: “Flowers are used constantly in Catholic devotions. They are a living species and testify to our belief in the life of the Resurrection. They are also symbols of affection, which simply say, “I love you” or “Thank you” to Christ, his mother or a saint.”

Post # 27
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@Missbliss: The flowers laid at the statue of Mary is not a part of the Catholic ceremony.  It’s a cultural tradition that comes from Mexico.  Basically, you lay flowers at the statue of Mary, then at the end of the ceremony, you pray that your family will be guided by the example of the Holy Family.

Post # 28
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I would’ve informed her that it is very common for ppl to do that during Catholic Weddings.  And then I would’ve backed it up with “Well, actually, we’re doing that at mine as well.”  And her snotty tone would’ve changed, trust me.

Some ppl have their own idea of what a wedding would be, which is great!  It’s so cool to go to all these different types of weddings and see how each style signifies that bride and groom.

If you have a guest that doesn’t see the wedding for what it is (the celebration of joining two loves/lives together for eternity) and they only nitpick on the details of the ceremony (which is what a bride should be doing anyway, not their guests!) Then something tells me she’s probably not married and still has to experience this for herself.

In the meantime, enjoy the ceremony your Fiance and you picked out because all that matters is you both on this very special day.  Wink

Post # 29
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

So offensive to knock someone’s religious beliefs at THEIR wedding.

Having said that, by means of explanation, I’ve noticed that people have less-than-stellar responses to religious traditions ALL THE TIME and it may not be complete ignorance or because they’re hostile to the religion itself but because rituals can be…boring. I’ve heard/seen a lot of people sigh about Catholic masses, not because they dislike Catholics, but because they know they’re going to be sitting there for an hour. Same reaction when I went to a Greek Orthodox wedding. And I’ve seen people grumble about communion because they can’t partake in it and heard people sigh and say, “Oh it was a Jewish ceremony and they did the whole thing with the wine and we had to watch them sign the ketubah and crack the glass and blah blah blah” (I actually heard someone say that, with the “blah blah blah”) I mean, people have a tendency to react that way just because they’re not particularly engaged in the ritual.

Does that make it appropriate to do? Absolutely not. It’s a ceremony, not musical theatre! But my point is, don’t take comments like that too seriously and have faith (ha!) that such reactions will be in the slim minority–everyone who comes to your ceremony is there joyfully to witness your marriage and they understand that includes watching you partake in religious rituals. Don’t let people make you insecure about your religion.

Post # 30
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@JennyW1:A lot of people do get upset about the communion thing. Both my husband and I and our families are Catholic, but a lot of our friends aren’t. 

I had a friend who would get really mad about this. Which, to be honest, I kind of didn’t get. No one was telling her she wasn’t “worthy” enough to receive, she just didn’t believe in the transubstantiation. And if she thought it was just bread and wine, why would it matter that she couldn’t receive? 

I understand feeling excluded during religious traditions. For instance, if I had an LDS family member, I would be sad that I couldn’t attend their wedding. But to me it comes down to, if I feel really left out, its probably because I want to partake in what they are doing. And if I want to partake in it, I probably believe in it, and if I believe in it, I should convert. And if I don’t believe in what they are doing, I shouldn’t worry about being left out.

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