- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2017
Hey bees. Looking for input on how you and your spouse handle the major holidays between your families.
Background: I’m extremely close with my family. He’s also close with his family, but not quite to the same extent. We live about an hour-ish away from both of our families, but in opposite directions. Husband’s parents are divorced and remarried. My parents are still together.
Last year, we went to three Thanksgiving dinners, and four Christmas celebrations. It was WAY too much. I decided back then that I can’t do that again. I love the holidays, and I just didn’t enjoy them much last year because of all the driving and stress.
Husband knows that it’s extremely important to me to spend Christmas Eve and part of Christmas morning with my family. Christmas Eve will never change, but when we have kids, we want to be home with them on Christmas morning. (I am pregnant with our first child now. It’s early and only my family knows.) Last year, husband agreed that it would make sense to do Christmas activities with his family the week before or after. And because we never sleep over at either place (he hasn’t since before college — it’s a little weird to me), I’d like to compact things into one day so that we only have to make one trek over there. I.e., spend the morning with his mom and the afternoon with his dad.
I anticipate some push back, or at least guilt laying, from his family. We’re constantly in a tough spot with them, not only because of the divided family, but also because EVERYONE ELSE in that family lives in the same geographic area. We are literally the only outliers, being about 1.25 hours away. So to me, as an outsider, it seems as though everyone in the family is just used to everyone always being at everything, because they all live so close and it’s so easy for them. And then our absence at anything is super noticed and we’re sort of shunned for it. It’s very frustrating.
It’s also tough because his parents both feel strongly about Christmas (although husband doesn’t seem to feel strongly about it on his end), and his mom’s family Christmas is always scheduled for like, the day after. Again — everyone else in the family is just there anyways; it’s a 5-minute drive for them. But for us it takes a lot more planning and prep. We’re also the only married couple out of my husband and his siblings and cousins, but that doesn’t seem to matter much when it comes to his family getting upset about stuff like this.
So, how do you guys do things? Especially curious to hear from people with divorced parents on either side.