Post # 1
Sorry this is long, and probably mostly a vent.
I recently had a conversation with an old friend with whom I haven’t had much contact for the past two years or so. We were closer friends before, and have not been as close recently. I hadn’t thought there was a specific reason for that (we both moved long distances multiple times in that timeframe). Anyway, asked him for his address so that I can send him an invite. And wow, can you say rude… He professed that the reason we haven’t been so close is that I didn’t come running to announce the engagement to him, and that it’s weird I should think he’d want to come to the wedding. Oh, and the kicker, he claims I am only inviting him for a gift (we are asking for no gifts, for many reasons, but he wouldn’t find that out before he got an invite).
I practiced as much grace as I could muster, and told him that I find friendships can have their ups and downs, and I’m looking forward to moving beyond whatever is going on now. That we’ll be very happy if he can come, and also very happy if we can some other time have a good long conversation about our friendship, life, the universe and everything. He agreed to send me his address, but hasn’t yet done so. I no longer feel like sending an invite.
In isolation this incident would be easy to shrug off. However, he’s one of many people who seem to think now is a good time to vent out feelings they didn’t discuss previously. We have also had one girl *write on her RSVP card* that they won’t come b/c they think I tried to *steal her boyfriend* before (puh-lease, don’t flatter yourself nor your boyfriend). One cousin wrote this long rant email about how I never congratulated him on his marriage and new baby (he eloped and none of were supposed to know, but we put money in his bank account as a secret gift).
Is anyone else getting surprising or rude responses in liue of a simple yes or no? How are you handling it? I might be running out of grace. The next one might get it!
Post # 3
It hasn’t happened to me, but I have friends who have dealt with the utter rudeness that comes out around weddings (and read about it a lot here). I don’t know why people can’t behave like adults and simply RSVP no if they have issues. Or, talk about it?
I’m really sorry that you have to deal with it at all. ;-
Thankfully the only responses I’ve gotten out of the ordinary, since they’re RSVPing online, is “MEAT!!!” in the box about dietary needs.
Post # 4
Ugh, thanks a lot for the sympathy.
I should add that we have also received some very cute little additions (MEAT! is hilarious) to the RSVPs that made our days. It’s only been a few bad apples.
Post # 5
Wow, it sounds like you have some winner friends. I had one person try to “vent” to me in an email about how our friendship had lost touch and how she felt I was only inviting her for a gift. I called her up, asked about her family, and then proceeded to explain I invited her because she invited me to their wedding. Then I reminded her how I spent money to fly there, bought her an expensive gift that I NEVER received a thank you for, that she didn’t even say two words to me while I was there, and then had the nerve to ask why I didn’t send her a shower gift. I also then said I have always sent her a Christmas card, I sent her email updates every few months in which she never responded, and called her at least a couple times a year. I proceeded to tell her if the friendship had fallen apart it was HER fault that it had happened and to not even bother coming because I revoked her iniviation.
Rude? Yes, but I don’t want someone like that at my wedding or in my life.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
How terrible!! So sorry that people seem to think this behavior is okay! All I can say is that those people aren’t worth keeping around in the long run and you’ll probably have more fun without them anyway.
Post # 7
OH GOODNESSSSSSSSS!!!!! I just got one from my older sister of all people expressing that she can’t go with a heavy heart and some non sense. She said it’s because she’s hurt that we haven’t been as close. I had no idea anything was wrong. Then she went on to accuse me of only being nice to her because I needed money. PLEASE!! I made more than her.
– rant over –
I can totally relate. Just keep your head up. You don’t need all that negativity on your wedding day. It’s a good thing you found out before the wedding so you can just enjoy your day. Maybe weddings bring out the ugly green jealous monsters in some people.
Post # 8
Ugh, that sucks. I can definitely relate but I have no idea why people choose what can already be such a stressful time to pull this type of crap. One of my husband’s closest friends chose exactly one month before our wedding to let him know that she no longer wants to be friends with him, won’t be going to the wedding, and doesn’t want any contact with him ever again.
She had last happily talked to him on the phone for an hour just 2 weeks prior to this bombshell. She told him she had just bought a dress for our wedding and then BAM. Can we say issues?
Post # 9
A friend of mine from high school (which was more than 5 years ago) sent me a text the day after we got engaged saying that it wasn’t fair that I got engaged before her and how dare I not call her and tell her personally. I didn’t reply which is generally the best thing to do in these situations. Sometimes people are just jealous and rude.
Post # 10
I’d try to shake it off and be grateful that you know how they are. Do you really want toxic people like that at your wedding anyway? Maybe it’s for the best.
Post # 11
Wow. I haven’t set out invites yet, but I had no idea that people can be so petty. If they are hurt that you didn’t call them, how come they didn’t call you? Anyone who is rude responding should not come to the wedding, they will be a wet blanket on an awesome day!
Post # 12
Wow I cant beleive people would use your RSVP card as a way to tell you how they feel about you and go into such lengthy responses as to why they are not attending. As for your friend that hasnt sent you his address, if he still hasnt sent it and you dont want to invite him anymore, dont. You dont have an address to send it to 🙂
Post # 13
Wow. I think this falls under what I would categorize as: Sometimes the best reply is none at all.
Post # 14
A high school best friend of mine invited me to her wedding, but Fiance and I are getting married this year too so we couldn’t afford to go to Jamaica. So, I sent her a long note saying that it’s a big year and we’re sorry that we couldn’t attend, but I’d love to go for coffee and catch up soon, and congrats. And that’d we’d be able to make the reception in August.
Fast forward to our wedding. I sent them the invites about a month ago. She just sent me a Facebook msg asking about the location of a campground we were at three years ago, and mentioning as an aside that she’s going to try to make it to our wedding, but, get this – bowling league starts that weekend. So she probably can’t. But she’ll let us know.
Post # 15
@mssocks: Agreed!!! It’s better that they not be there then be given the opportunity to ruin your day.
I have a friend that was my closest and best friend throughout college. After she got married she turned into a completely different person and we stopped talking (after about the millionith time she blew me off). All this time she has never once congratulated me on being engaged despite seeing my various comments on facebook.
Last weekend we bumped in to each other at an event at my college and she acted like her actions were completely normal asking about the ring, the wedding etc. I couldn’t believe that after a year of her treating me like our friendship meant absolutely nothing she could pretend all was well.
Needless to say she won’t be getting an invite.
Post # 16
Sorry you’re going through that. I too am experiencing some really rude people with the RSVPs but certainly not to that extent. Your cousin who was expecting a congratulatory message of some sort got it by you putting in a monetary gift in their bank account. The fact that everything was suppose to be a secret and you were nice enough to acknowledge it with a gift is your congratulatory messge. Some people just plain jerks!