(Closed) How do you handle rude responses to invitations?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It hasn’t happened to me, but I have friends who have dealt with the utter rudeness that comes out around weddings (and read about it a lot here).  I don’t know why people can’t behave like adults and simply RSVP no if they have issues.  Or, talk about it?

I’m really sorry that you have to deal with it at all. ;-

Thankfully the only responses I’ve gotten out of the ordinary, since they’re RSVPing online, is “MEAT!!!” in the box about dietary needs.

Post # 5
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow, it sounds like you have some winner friends. I had one person try to “vent” to me in an email about how our friendship had lost touch and how she felt I was only inviting her for a gift. I called her up, asked about her family, and then proceeded to explain I invited her because she invited me to their wedding. Then I reminded her how I spent money to fly there, bought her an expensive gift that I NEVER received a thank you for, that she didn’t even say two words to me while I was there, and then had the nerve to ask why I didn’t send her a shower gift. I also then said I have always sent her a Christmas card, I sent her email updates every few months in which she never responded, and called her at least a couple times a year. I proceeded to tell her if the friendship had fallen apart it was HER fault that it had happened and to not even bother coming because I revoked her iniviation.

Rude? Yes, but I don’t want someone like that at my wedding or in my life.

Post # 6
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant

How terrible!!  So sorry that people seem to think this behavior is okay!  All I can say is that those people aren’t worth keeping around in the long run and you’ll probably have more fun without them anyway.

Post # 7
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

OH GOODNESSSSSSSSS!!!!! I just got one from my older sister of all people expressing that she can’t go with a heavy heart and some non sense. She said it’s because she’s hurt that we haven’t been as close. I had no idea anything was wrong. Then she went on to accuse me of only being nice to her because I needed money. PLEASE!! I made more than her. 

– rant over –


I can totally relate. Just keep your head up. You don’t need all that negativity on your wedding day. It’s a good thing you found out before the wedding so you can just enjoy your day. Maybe weddings bring out the ugly green jealous monsters in some people. 

Post # 8
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Ugh, that sucks. I can definitely relate but I have no idea why people choose what can already be such a stressful time to pull this type of crap. One of my husband’s closest friends chose exactly one month before our wedding to let him know that she no longer wants to be friends with him, won’t be going to the wedding, and doesn’t want any contact with him ever again.

She had last happily talked to him on the phone for an hour just 2 weeks prior to this bombshell. She told him she had just bought a dress for our wedding and then BAM. Can we say issues?


Post # 9
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

A friend of mine from high school (which was more than 5 years ago) sent me a text the day after we got engaged saying that it wasn’t fair that I got engaged before her and how dare I not call her and tell her personally.  I didn’t reply which is generally the best thing to do in these situations.  Sometimes people are just jealous and rude. 

Post # 10
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d try to shake it off and be grateful that you know how they are.  Do you really want toxic people like that at your wedding anyway?  Maybe it’s for the best.

Post # 11
3 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow. I haven’t set out invites yet, but I had no idea that people can be so petty. If they are hurt that you didn’t call them, how come they didn’t call you? Anyone who is rude responding should not come to the wedding, they will be a wet blanket on an awesome day!

Post # 12
2681 posts
Sugar bee

Wow I cant beleive people would use your RSVP card as a way to tell you how they feel about you and go into such lengthy responses as to why they are not attending.  As for your friend that hasnt sent you his address, if he still hasnt sent it and you dont want to invite him anymore, dont.  You dont have an address to send it to 🙂

Post # 13
13 posts
  • Wedding: May 2009

Wow. I think this falls under what I would categorize as: Sometimes the best reply is none at all.

Post # 14
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

A high school best friend of mine invited me to her wedding, but Fiance and I are getting married this year too so we couldn’t afford to go to Jamaica. So, I sent her a long note saying that it’s a big year and we’re sorry that we couldn’t attend, but I’d love to go for coffee and catch up soon, and congrats. And that’d we’d be able to make the reception in August.

Fast forward to our wedding. I sent them the invites about a month ago. She just sent me a Facebook msg asking about the location of a campground we were at three years ago, and mentioning as an aside that she’s going to try to make it to our wedding, but, get this – bowling league starts that weekend. So she probably can’t. But she’ll let us know.

Bowling league.


Post # 15
11168 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@mssocks: Agreed!!! It’s better that they not be there then be given the opportunity to ruin your day.

I have a friend that was my closest and best friend throughout college. After she got married she turned into a completely different person and we stopped talking (after about the millionith time she blew me off). All this time she has never once congratulated me on being engaged despite seeing my various comments on facebook.

Last weekend we bumped in to each other at an event at my college and she acted like her actions were completely normal asking about the ring, the wedding etc. I couldn’t believe that after a year of her treating me like our friendship meant absolutely nothing she could pretend all was well.

Needless to say she won’t be getting an invite.

Post # 16
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sorry you’re going through that.  I too am experiencing some really rude people with the RSVPs but certainly not to that extent.  Your cousin who was expecting a congratulatory message of some sort got it by you putting in a monetary gift in their bank account.  The fact that everything was suppose to be a secret and you were nice enough to acknowledge it with a gift is your congratulatory messge.  Some people just plain jerks!

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