How do you handle the fear?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
969 posts
Busy bee

happy2bee :  thank you so much for starting this thread – I’ll deffo be following. Just had two miscarriages in a row so am right there with you with the fear! Fingers crossed for you that everything goes ok with this one.

Post # 3
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I had major anxiety with my last pregnancy. I mostly just freaked out and it became gradually less and less the farther along I got. One thing that helped tremendously though was ordering a fetal Doppler so I could check baby’s heartbeat any time to reassure myself. I bought mine off Amazon for about $50 it’s called the sonoline B I think. You should be aware though that you usually can’t pick the heart beat up until at least 10 weeks I think and even then if you can’t find it its not a bad sign. It may cause you more fear than less but for me it helped a lot when I got to that point in my pregnancy

Post # 4
107 posts
Blushing bee

I was in the same situation as you and to be honest that fear doesn’t really ever go away. You learn to deal with it as your pregnancy goes on. I had a mc June 2015 at 8 weeks. I found out I was pregnant again in January and to be honest I was terrified. My biggest advice is to take it one day at a time. Set little milestones for yourself. Use the ultrasound as your first one. I personally ended up buying a doppler at 11 weeks to ease my fears. Once you start feeling movement it helps too. I was probably 18 or 19 weeks when I started feeling flutters. I now have a perfect 2 month old. She ended up not growing very well so I had her by scheduled c section at 37 weeks and she was a 5lb peanut but perfectly healthy. Good luck mama!

Post # 5
1610 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree that the fear never really goes away.  I just take one day at a time, and the anxiety/fear/worry will decrease even though it never goes away.  It also helps when you start feeling movement because you know something is in there.  I just try and celebrate each day that nothing bad happens, and celebrate each and every milestone I hit.  That being said, I am almost 13 weeks and still hiding my stomach becasue I am afraid for everyone to know in case something happens…

Post # 6
2766 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It took me 2.5 years to get pregnant during that time I had a couple of chemical pregnancies. I know how scary it can be when you finally get pregnant.

I also had 2 bleeds in the first trimester and had scans at 6+3 and 9 weeks. All was fine and I am now 30 weeks gone.

TBH I didn’t start to feel better until I saw the heartbeat at the 9 week scan. Then it felt real and that this time everyting would be OK.

Please try not to worry. What will be, will be.

Post # 7
14926 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You can’t stop time, and you can’t really change the outcome, so there’s isn’t a way to handle it except to chug along everyday and hope for the best imo.  Our first BFP ever took 3.5 years, we saw a heartbeat and then ended. We called it a bad stroke of luck since the embryo wasn’t tested and tried again with a PGS tested embryo.  I thought that would be our miracle.  Just to have an early m/c again.  The next time, I’m sure I’ll be over come with more fear than excitement, but what can you do, but just wait and see what happens….

Post # 8
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I am a super anxious person and my fears were very overwhelming.  As PPs have mentioned, getting my own doppler helped a lot especially from around weeks 12-20.  At around 20 weeks you’ll have the anatomy scan which is very reassuring and then you will start to feel the baby move which is awesome and helps a lot with the anxiety.  The fears never go away but they get easier to handle.  Good luck!

Post # 9
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I had two early miscarriages before I had my daughter, and the fear never really goes away.  I read some great advice here on the bee to cope with anxiety.  

Each day, tell yourself ‘today I am pregnant’ and enjoy and cherish the feeling.  You never know what tomorrow brings, and for the most part, you can’t control what happens in pregnancy.  Miscarriages suck even if you never got your hopes up high, so you might as well be happy even if the worst happens.

Post # 10
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Listen, honestly, this is just the START of all the worrying.  My dr gave me some advice – let yourself worry for 5-10 min/day, and then lock it away.  You have to move and and live your life.  Today, you are pregnant.


I had so much anxiety when I first got PG, and I thought it would go away after the first US, but it didn’t.  Then I thought after the 2nd US I’d be better, and I was.  I slowly learned to just enjoy this process and cherish every day that I am pregnant.  You never, ever, ever know what will happen, so worrying will do nothing except stress the baby out.  It’s all out of our control anyways.  So please, worry for a little bit each day and then just enjoy your babe 🙂

Post # 11
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Im 12 weeks and until my first u/s I was living in daily fear of having a MC. I’ve never had one before but I know how common they are and I let my anxiety take over. I would just try to remind myself that this baby deserves to be celebrated no matter what happens, and I want this to be a happy time. You can’t control the future, so you can either spend these days in fear, or trying to be more positive/happy.

Just think, your little one wants you to be excited about him/her, they dont want to know they are causing you fear/anxiety. Try to be happy for the little one inside you.

It’s so hard tho, I still have days where I feel like this is too good to be true. But after my first and second u/s I was soo much more able to enjoy being pregnant and not worry as much. 

I’m sorry for what you have gone thru, best of luck to you and congrats on the little one!!

Post # 12
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Thank you for posting this. I’ll be following this. I had an early MC in March, a CP in September and then immediately became pregnant again in October. I’ve been told already that the fear never really goes away, but I’m hoping it will at least become better as I progress. Right now, I’m holding my breath between dr appts and u/s’s that everything comes back ok.

Post # 13
4233 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

Currently 24 weeks pregnant with baby #1. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage, but this pregnancy has been HARD and scary…including being rushed to the hospital via ambulance in immense abdominal pain at seven weeks, a few instances of spotting, and a doctor who I feel doesn’t give a shit about me and my pregnancy. It kind of feels like you’re the only woman in the world who has ever experienced this fear/anxiety/suffering etc.

I just want you to know you aren’t alone in your worry.

Post # 14
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I didn’t. I pretty much spent the first trimester and the first half of the second trimester constantly freaking out. What helped me was keeping busy and staying as distracted as possible, and also reaching 18-20 weeks and starting to feel the baby’s movemements on a regular basis. And even now at 37 weeks I still freak out sometimes if I feel like he is being less active than usual.  

Post # 15
3036 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m so sorry for your loss! MCs are the worst.

Ugh I remember feeling like this a lot during my pregnancy, and aside from getting sick a few times nothing went wrong. 

My advice is to stay as busy as possible. Don’t give yourself time to think. Design a nursery for s boy baby and a girl baby (ooh, or do gender neutral!), batch cook for the first month or two when you won’t be up for cooking yourself, go on walks, read books about pregnancy and babies, watch happy shows on Netflix, etc. 

Also, call your insurance’s nurse line as many times as you want to. They will put your mind at ease so you don’t do what my bestie did and rush to the ER because her baby was hiccuping in the womb. 

Best wishes to you for a smooth and uneventful pregnancy!

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