Post # 1
So, over thanksgiving my SO’s mom was talking about his little sisters graduation. She’ll be a senior next year. Then she says, “Well I really wish you and Mr. Tequila would get married so I can plan a wedding.” I about choked on the darn kielbasa! Ummmm…plan my wedding? I’m sorry but I thought u had a wedding..I just looked at her a nodded and looked at my SO and his eyes were as about as shocked as mine. SO and I have already talked and he’s really not feelin the big wedding idea. We actually plan to get married somewhere else in the country and stay for a week or two. We plan to designate someone to bring our two children to the wedding but that’s it. Maybe a dinner when we get home..Or not…we would prefer to run off;) How am I supposed to handle this when we actually get engaged? I mean I don’t want to hurt anyone but I don’t want to plan a wedding according to everyone else tastes. What do you do to get people to realize it’s not about them? How could you include someone like this. I know she’ll feel hurt unless I come up with an important task for her…Ugh…Maybe I’m wrong…Either way..Input please:)
Post # 3
Maybe she was just joking? I don’t generally think the groom’s mom gets much input, but if she wants she can “plan” the rehearsal dinner. lol.
While yes, technically it is your wedding, but you have to realize how many people are super excited for you and want to help you celebrate. A wedding is about bringing families together. In my view the wedding is for the couple and the reception is to show your appreciation for everyone coming to the wedding.
But anyways, do what you want and you won’t regret it.
Post # 4
My mil was an absolute freak about trying to control every detail of our wedding.
My advice is to have a long talk with your SO and make sure you are on the same page in terms of what YOU TWO want and how much input you intend to let her have. Then be kind, upfront and *firm* with her.
Post # 5
Thank you. I wish she was joking lol. I know SO is on the same page as me so we will most definitely need to sit down and come up with a game plan. Maybe think of some things to say to get her to stop while we’re still not engaged. Sometimes I just can’t believe the pressure people put on couples!
Post # 6
This is going to sound terrible….but I’m going to say it anyway.
SO’s mother passed away before we met and in many ways I feel like I’ve dodged a bullet. I wish I could have had the chance to meet her, and for our child to meet his grandma, but I’m glad to not have any kind of Mother-In-Law drama in our lives.
That being said, I have a son and I can understand the way some MILs can be. That’s her baby boy, and she’s excited to help out with his wedding. She probably meant it more as she wants to help in any way she can than she wants to plan the whole thing herself. If you choose to accept her help, just make sure you set clear boundaries so she won’t be stepping on your toes.
Post # 7
at least she’s excited about it
the best thing may be to put her in charge of certain tasks that are a little more groom-related … like, “can you help me with the table assignments for your side of the family?” and “which boutonnieres work best for the groomsmen?” etc.
definitely include her in the planning, but put your footdown if you have to
Post # 8
I feel for you. I just called off my engagement because she ‘wanted to plan my wedding’ so badly she was planning it behind my back. And we were eloping!
Post # 9
@ananeele: I’m sooo afraid of that! She is the kind of person to do that. When I wouldn’t allow her in the delivery room when we had our first child I found out she was bad mouthing me the whole time to other family members! Then she saw teen mom and apologized to me lol. So she’s not evil, she just gets hurt really easily I guess. If we go away to get married like we plan I could always ask her to get announcments ready? We would send out photos and such to everyone. Between our two family’s we have about 200 people. Not including friends.
This can be so hard because when ur families know that ur most likely going to get married they tend to jump the gun. It kind of takes away from the special moment ya know?
Post # 10
oh I should specify. My SO mother didn’t get why being in the delivery room was a big deal to me. She had 3 c-sections. Then she saw teen mom and relaized how graphic it was. haha.
Post # 11
Maybe she just meant she could have plans for a wedding, something to look forward to and have a date set, not actually planning it. After you are engaged definately make sure the two of you are on the same planning page and make a united front in whatever you decide. Good luck!
Post # 12
I completely understand your situation, mine’s very similar but it’s actually MY mother that’s doing all the pressuring to plan the wedding. My parents eloped so she never had a wedding of her own. She got full rein with my sister’s wedding because she lived in another state and wasn’t as concerned about the details as my mother was. Now it’s my turn and my mother has been pushing me with her ideas, and magazines, and books… It’s making me a little anxious about getting engaged honestly.
My advice (as well as my own plan) is that if you have a reception or some little party after your private ceremony, give her some important task that you don’t mind her taking over. My guess is she is just wanting to help out and be included. Just stick to your guns and be firm with her when you’re discussing your wedding plans and have your SO back you up. Best of luck!