(Closed) How do you handle the mother?!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Maybe she was just joking? I don’t generally think the groom’s mom gets much input, but if she wants she can “plan” the rehearsal dinner. lol.

While yes, technically it is your wedding, but you have to realize how many people are super excited for you and want to help you celebrate. A wedding is about bringing families together. In my view the wedding is for the couple and the reception is to show your appreciation for everyone coming to the wedding.

But anyways, do what you want and you won’t regret it.

Post # 4
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My mil was an absolute freak about trying to control every detail of our wedding. 

My advice is to have a long talk with your SO and make sure you are on the same page in terms of what YOU TWO want and how much input you intend to let her have.  Then be kind, upfront and *firm* with her.


Post # 6
140 posts
Blushing bee

This is going to sound terrible….but I’m going to say it anyway. 

SO’s mother passed away before we met and in many ways I feel like I’ve dodged a bullet. I wish I could have had the chance to meet her, and for our child to meet his grandma, but I’m glad to not have any kind of Mother-In-Law drama in our lives.

That being said, I have a son and I can understand the way some MILs can be. That’s her baby boy, and she’s excited to help out with his wedding. She probably meant it more as she wants to help in any way she can than she wants to plan the whole thing herself. If you choose to accept her help, just make sure you set clear boundaries so she won’t be stepping on your toes.

Post # 7
153 posts
Blushing bee

at least she’s excited about it Smile

the best thing may be to put her in charge of certain tasks that are a little more groom-related … like, “can you help me with the table assignments for your side of the family?” and “which boutonnieres work best for the groomsmen?” etc.

definitely include her in the planning, but put your footdown if you have to



Post # 8
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I feel for you.  I just called off my engagement because she ‘wanted to plan my wedding’ so badly she was planning it behind my back.  And we were eloping!

Post # 11
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Maybe she just meant she could have plans for a wedding, something to look forward to and have a date set, not actually planning it. After you are engaged definately make sure the two of you are on the same planning page and make a united front in whatever you decide. Good luck!

Post # 12
26 posts
  • Wedding: August 2013

I completely understand your situation, mine’s very similar but it’s actually MY mother that’s doing all the pressuring to plan the wedding. My parents eloped so she never had a wedding of her own. She got full rein with my sister’s wedding because she lived in another state and wasn’t as concerned about the details as my mother was. Now it’s my turn and my mother has been pushing me with her ideas, and magazines, and books… It’s making me a little anxious about getting engaged honestly.

My advice (as well as my own plan) is that if you have a reception or some little party after your private ceremony, give her some important task that you don’t mind her taking over. My guess is she is just wanting to help out and be included. Just stick to your guns and be firm with her when you’re discussing your wedding plans and have your SO back you up. Best of luck!

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