(Closed) How Do You Handle Your S.Os Sexual Past?

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 31
Member
2629 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

It doesn’t really phase me at all.  DH was very open from the get go about his sexual past, which probably explains why it doesn’t bother me.  There’s nothing to be curious about, so I don’t wonder about it.  I have flat out asked him if there’s something he tried in the past that he enjoyed that we haven’t tried.  Heck, if he liked it, then I want him to experience it with me.

I will also add the disclaimer that DH was my first.

Post # 32
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I told him I didnt want to know!

sometimes stuff slips out and it freaks me out, and I am very careful to NEVER do the same!

some stuff you just dont need to know!

Post # 33
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We know everything about eachothers past sexual relationships in great detail. We are just really comfortable talking about it considering we started dating when we were 18 and didn’t really have a long past. It bothered me a little that he lost his virginity to one of my friends but I got over it. I love being so open cuz I know nothing will slip out that will cause a fight in the future.

Post # 34
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

SO and I have an explicit agreement never to share details of our past sexual experiences. I don’t know his number, he doesn’t know my number, I don’t know anything about what I used to do with other girls and vice versa. First of all because we love and trust each other and therefore past lovers don’t matter one bit, and second because we’d both be a bit freaked out if we told each other such details. In my opinion, it’s not a good idea to talk about things like that with you SO.

Post # 35
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@RiverRunning: Just read your post. That is way too much information to except a girlfriend to handle :-/ It kinda sounds like there are so many aspects of this relationship that makes you unhappy?

Post # 36
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

We’re open about number of partners and who (not necessarily names, but frame of reference things). Sometimes it’s relevant to share an experience. “I don’t do X because I had a bad experience with it in the past.” It’s not “I don’t do X because when I was with Y he did Z and I didn’t enjoy it,” if that makes sense.

I think it’s great to be honest and if I didn’t know his number and have a general idea (not explicit details) I’d wonder why he would hide it from me. Does he not trust me enough? Have I been jealous about things? Etc.

Post # 37
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

We never really discussed the details about what we did with others. Our theory is what happened before us is unimportant as long as it didn’t result in an STD. 

Besides, it’s been my experience that every sexual partner is unique, and even if you do the same thing with your SO or spouse, it’s always different than it was when you did it with someone else. 

Post # 38
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Oneeleven: I hope this dosen’t sound really petty and immature but I can’t even stand that I sleep in the same bed as his exs! I love our bed. I mean, it’s a king size, lol! But I ran out and bought new sheets and a comforter.

For the rest of it, I pretend he was a virgin when I met him, lol!!

Post # 39
Member
5282 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree that some stuff comes out casually.

I know how many partners and a few other things about my husband’s past & none of it bothers me. I seriously don’t care about the other women he was with before me.

He only knows about my “messing around days” and how many guys I made with, etc. Since I was a virgin 🙂

Post # 40
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Well, when hubs started dating the girl who is now his ex (you know, the one who cheated on him for most of their relationship) she was one of my closest friends, so I knew some of what they had done. Honestly? It doesn’t really bother me, I don’t even think about it. Whatever he has done in the past is in the past, and it helped to make him who he is today in the bedroom, and I definitely have no complaints there!

Post # 41
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

Yes, there are many things I’m unhappy about – some have improved, some haven’t. I think the scars with his ex bull crap will be with me forever. It’s not like it was back then (when I found myself crying or really depressed basically every day), but there are days and moments when my mind drifts to those memories and I get hurt again.

To be truthful, we will probably not get married. We had too much of a rocky start and yes, it’s all his fault. He apologized but you can’t undo that kind of damage. You can’t indirectly scream “I love my ex! My ex was great! You would’ve loved my ex! My ex introduced me to x, y and z! I loved bondage with my ex!” for a year and expect that’s not going to cause very, very severe self-esteem and self-confidence problems in the other woman. Even though he’d been broken up with her for 2 years by the time I came along, I was still the rebound.

I don’t think women are ever bothered just about his past, per se – but that he puts emphasis on it in the present. I knew well that my boyfriend was not a virgin long before we met (although I was). What I didn’t know was that thinking about how she used her mouth still made him visibly happy 2 years after their break-up. So very, very cruel and stupid to do to a woman. He claims he was ignorant and he didn’t ‘realize,’ and to be fair he did bring up some thigns and I pretended to be okay with it (not the sexual stuff).

Women – NEVER say you are ok with him talking about the past. I guarantee you that it will progress from there. Before you know it, his tamer stories about this time they made pasta together will segue into the time they emerged from a bedroom and were embarrassed that a roommate might’ve heard them having sex.

 

Post # 43
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We dont discuss things like sexual positions he did alot with a previous partner or other things like that, I dont think its necessary to bring up the past

Post # 45
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

View original reply
@RiverRunning: You described an ex to a T! I had to deal with it for so long that it tortured my mind…I realize that it was because he wasn’t getting treated, and I refused to be with someone who couldn’t take care of themselves that way.

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