(Closed) How Do You Handle Your S.Os Sexual Past?

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 61
Member
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My SO had been sexually active with 2 women before me, & I was a virgin until him. I think the whole sexual thing bugged me a LOT more after I found out that in the beginning of our relationship he lied to be about only having one partner, and come to find out he had 2.

I sometimes (especially after a couple of drinks) demand he tells me details of stuff, but luckily he really doesnt have any details because they were pretty much just one night stands with girls he had known in HS. It’s still a little sickening to think about it though.

I also take refuge in the fact that I am the first girl to be introduced to his parents, and his family adores me. It used to bother me terribly that he had a past, but honestly it’s not that big of a deal because they weren’t loving relationships, and I’m his first love. I’d rather be his first and only true love than his first lousy fuck.. lol

Post # 62
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

don’t ask, don’t tell

Post # 63
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

we promised not to ever talk about it and that works fine with me…have done with past boyfriends and it may feel very open and grown up at the time but things that no longer represent that person  can end up haunting yuo to death…
that said my OH did blurt out something of his past when he had too many and thought i was asleep…nothing bad in fact it was not as bad as i feared…but all it took was that one detail i didnt need to know and i still get a gut punch feeling when i think about it…i wish he kept it to himself…i was happy knowing none of the facts…but i guess that teaches me to pretend to fall asleep when he wants to talk lol! 

Post # 64
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I just dont care I obvioulsy have a past myself. I just think well hes in bed with me now.. and thats where he is staying so I just try to make the most out of our playtime 🙂

Post # 66
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

my feelings are knowing the number is bad enough (I wish I didnt even know that) but the real problem is when the person isnt just a number and you know details it just makes it more real. I didnt have any feelings about it other then a slight annoyance at the number when my SO told me. When he started to talk about ex’s. Thats when I started to think oh crap. I knew the past is the past and its no threat to me but in the back of mind I had the thoughts of what if. What if I am not good enough, what if I dont live up to these people. What if I am not as pretty.Once SO saw the fact that I was not very happy to hear about it he stopped saying anything. I dont know how I would have dealt with it if he had told me details about what they did. If I happen to think about it I just remember that he has never been with anyone as long as he has been with me and if I wasnt better he wouldnt still be here

Post # 67
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This is kind of an odd perspective but one time I found out a friend-of-a-friend was dating my ex, I couldn’t have cared less till I found out the girl was telling my friend how hurt she was because my ex was still talking about sex with ME! I was MORTIFIED. My friend was telling me how the girl was super insecure because my ex wouldnt’ get over ME and talked about sex all the time with ME and compared her body to MINE.I was sooo upset I called him and told him how ridiculously cruel that was to do to a girl. =/

Anyways- my Fi and I don’t really care about sexual pasts of each other, we’ve known each other long enough to know all of eachothers spouses/situations so there’s nothing to talk about and we both know we have the best sex of our lives now so it never even comes up.  We’re just happy with what we’ve got, no reason to muck that up with anything =)

Post # 68
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Yeah in general my Fiance is pretty private with his sex life.  I know the number of partners.  A good idea of the number of times with the differengt partners, and his relationships with them.  He has casually mentioned ones that were bad, and I’ve seen pictures of a lot of them. Besides that not much… I think some info comes out (like interesting places or some stories), but never REAL detail.  I think I get tinges of jealousy, and worry if they were better at something or more attractive (though he had volunteered that I’m the best, and one of the prettiest girls he’s been with).  Still no girl likes the competition… 

Post # 69
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ours is simple. We knew we had sex with people before each other and that’s that. As far as we’re concerned, what happened before doesn’t matter.

Post # 70
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

As much as I can understand the appeal of not knowing all the intimate details of your SO with respect to other women, I am so glad I know his. SO and I started off as friends and would frequently discuss exes, sexual pasts and preferences, everything female best friends would talk about. Since I learned about it when we were not yet intimate, it was purely a way of getting to know him better. And when the time came for us to cross that boundary, we already felt incredibly comfortable without having ruined all the fun and exploration 🙂

Post # 71
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

My DH has told me a few things, but nothing in super detail. These random facts were given freely…I didn’t ask. Part of me was dying to know but part of me got annoyed with it. If that makes sense. 

Granted, I pretty much did everything except sex with my ex. But I didn’t tell DH any details unless he just happened to ask, which he might have done once or twice. 

I recently had a post about how I’ve struggled with his sexual past. For the most part, it doesn’t bother me any more. I “messed up” too so I can’t honestly say he’s any “worse” than I am. We both love each other and that’s what matters. 

 

Post # 72
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

and yet again I write ” If we hadnt been there we wouldnt be here.’)

Post # 73
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

View original reply
@Wannabe-diy-bride:  Wow…that’s all I can say to that is wow. I can’t even imagine. 

Post # 74
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m actually super curious about his sexual past but he doesn’t like to share much. It did bother me at first to find out who he had had sex with because I know several of them… In fact one of my bridesmaids was the person he lost his virginity with! I don’t really care about that because they were just kids then and they obviously have no interest in each other now (although my sister thinks its crazy that she’s in our wedding… she’s more of my friend now than his, and it really doesn’t bother me at all)

We both have had some random fling/hook-up experiences, we discussed the numbers without many details and that’s enough for us. But like I said, I wouldn’t mind knowing more, he just doesn’t want to talk about it and he doesn’t want to know anything about my sexual past either. =P I think he gets jealous a bit easier than I do.

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