I think that the word “justified” is sorta wrong imho.
My marriage to T does not have to be justified for any reason.
However, there are some marriages imho that make me go “ummmm.” Whether the first or a remarriage.
I’ve seen people marry too quickly, I’ve seen over my lifetime people marry out of obligation, and I’ve seen people remarry so quickly (that would be my ex husband) that everybody around him went “ummmm” since it was within a few days of our divorce and confirmed to everyone he was a cheater.
Ours is just our marriage. We dated for a good long while, we both were quite careful about the sitution with our kids and didn’t want them to feel it was “add water instant family” type of situation. Ours is based on love and principles and we are in it forever.
I am sorry your mom did something rather hurtful, Future Mrs. Taylor, and would like to say I share your feelings because recently my mother remarried and didn’t even inform my sister or myself that she was marrying this guy (somebody our family didn’t really like or approve of). Well we have a stepdad we will never see, and he’s a guy who was never really ever even wanting to be a stepgrandfather to our kids either.
Being an encore bride, I know that my childs’ feelings were taken into consideration and that if he were not on board with things too, I probably might not be getting married. It is very very important that my son is a top priority, equal to the marriage, after all he was here long before my fiance was. My son also didn’t ask for his dad to do what he did either.
I was never one who thought they’d ever divorce in the first place, but was handed a very negative situation by my now ex husband, and was a single mom in her early 30’s and had to navigate through that for seven years. Had I not met my fiance, I’d probably be a happy single mom still. I was always respected for being a good single mom and felt no ostracization at all.
I think that when you become a parent, that you are not given a mulligan on that. I believe that as a mom, I had to make good choices for my son and that was that. In no way do I consider it ok to put a guy or somebody I’d date above that and in dating T, we both put our children at the top in our lives and this is why we’re successful in our relationship and will be successful in our marriages–our priorities are straight and we are grounded.
Therefore, having to justify anything about our relationship is simply not valid. People who know us, our situations (both our ex spouses cheated) and how we are great parents, are cheering us on and excited for our wedding!