(Closed) How do you keep things interesting

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
28 posts
  • Wedding: May 2016

I don’t know what so say, but its unfortunate that you all are running into that problem this early. Marriage and babies haven’t even come yet.

Post # 3
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

A couple months??? I think there may be other things going on with the relationship. That is a really long time. Will he talk about why he isn’t wanting sex? Would he see a counselor with you? I can’t help but be concerned that there is something going on with him…..even in my last relationship when we had been together for 9 years and I was thinking of ending it (and did) we had sex at least once a week. My current relationship is super healthy and we don’t go 2 days without. 

Post # 4
379 posts
Helper bee

I agree with PP, there must be something going on with him. My fiance and I don’t live together, but after 7 years together I know that when he’s not interested in being intimate there’s usually something stressing him out. It could be a number of issues but I wouldn’t fight him on it because that could make the issue worse. I’ll usually take my guy out for a night of put put golf and we’ll go to a bar to watch some sports or go to the batting cages. Getting him out and active makes him talk, maybe it would work for yours too!

Post # 5
4543 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Ehh a couple months seems long.. I would communicate with him so ur both on the same page, see what’s going on.. I agree with PPs that something might be bugging him and this is clearly bothering u…

Other than that, without getting too graphic. I will randomly grab him, try things in new places, we give each other massages (which can get things going) touchy-feely stuff… I would so try to go on vacation (if it’s in ur budget) get out of ur rut and normal routine, that should shake things up, plus hotel sex is fucking awesome. It’s always hotter in a hotel, and if there’s a hot tub or high high balcony that’s also a plus 😉 

Post # 6
2170 posts
Buzzing bee

I am in a similar situation, op. I don’t think there is anything fundamentally wrong with your relationship if you aren’t having sex every day. I would try to bring it up with him again, and instead of just saying you want to have sex, open a dialogue about it. How often does he want to have be intimate? Do either of you have fantasies the other is willing to explore? Are there just other things on his mind? It happens. Maybe he just needs to talk about some other things to free his mind. Maybe he is a little depressed about something, maybe not. 

Once you have both talked openly about your feelings on it, hopefully you can come to an agreement about how often you would both like to have sex. Even if you have to schedule a date night so you can both get in the mood. Take a bath together, drink some wine, give each other massages, shave each other, just do some intimate things together to get in the mood. 

I saw on another thread about a sex challenge, to have more sex. I looked it up but you sign up for emails so it might be something to give you more ideas on intimacy and different sexy ideas. 

If the two of you can’t communicate effectively about being intimate, then I would seek some counseling to help communicate better. There are tons of reasons for a lacking sex drive, I don’t think that this alone is worth re-evaluating your entire relationship. 

For me personally, I know my weight plays a big role in how sexy I feel, so when I am bigger I feel unhealthy and do not have a high sex drive. I also know that working out regularly and eating healthy makes my sex drive better. 

All this being said, you have to be compatible with your partner. It could be that he doesn’t want to have sex as much as you, there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different. If this is the case, you have to decide if this is ok with you. 

Good luck, op!

Post # 7
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

A couple months is a long time, especially so early in a relationship. You may not be compatible sexually, and so the relationship may not be suited for the longer term. Think about what it is that YOU want and what makes YOU happy, and make choices that align with your own values. 

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