(Closed) How do you keep this a secret??

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

One of you needs to move out from living with parents so when you come back from your elopement you have a place to live as husband and wife. 

Post # 3
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’m also having this problem! i don’t care if my family knows but my friends constantly ask for wedding planning updates and I have such a hard time keeping my story straight! 

right now, my story is simply that we’re wishy washy and have not ironed out details yet. we have friends who did 2 year engagements, so it’s believable that we’re taking our time.

Post # 4
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
summerrose33 :  we didn’t elope, per se, but I think I can offer 2 scenarios from our relationship that might help.

So, we got engaged the 2nd day of a week long vacation….we had no contact with anyone while we were there (Mexico) so once we got to our vacation, we didn’t have to worry. So you and SO could plan your elopement under the guise of it being a vacation. Shoot, he could even lie and say he’s proposing on the vacation (say that to others, not to you of course) and ask your family to please not bring it up anymore as to not ruin the surprise.

We got married on Thanksgiving weekend last year, and because we were getting married in our hometown but did not live there (we lived out of state by 700 miles), we wouldn’t be able to coordinate with our courthouse’s holiday hours to get our marriage license. So we would have basically not been married at our ceremony and would have had to go figure out legal marriage the week after. NOPE. Didn’t want to do that. So we got married in secret in our city where we lived, at a little wedding chapel, and kept it secret for 2 months–which was sooo hard because of course everyone had wedding brain then! But the best advice I learned from that, when I had to stifle myself, was to forget about it when you’re around people. Literally practice just not thinking about it or thinking about it as a vacation when you’re going to be talking to people who will bring it up, so that way you can prepare. Then make sure you take time alone with SO to giggle and get excited etc. ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

This is exciting! I don’t know if any of that was helpful, but hopefully so. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Also one thing I would add is that one of you needs to get an apartment/house prior to the elopement. You don’t want to come back as newlyweds and have to go back to mom and dad’s. So one of you needs to move out. It would probably help your case though, since then you’d have a private space in which to plan more sensitive parts of this secret.

Post # 5
Member
459 posts
Helper bee

I think being that you guys are young maybe you should talk to your parents. 

Post # 6
Member
713 posts
Busy bee

 Tell us everything here instead! I’m the worst at keeping things secret because I want to tell everyone everything immediately, so let it all out online instead! There are plenty of people here who will happily gossip about all of the details with you ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 7
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I say don’t elope until you can both afford to move out of mom and dad’s…then it will be easier to do it, plus as PPs said, what is the point of eloping if you come home from it to separate addresses? That seems so weird to me.

Post # 9
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

View original reply
summerrose33 :  My Fiance and I where talking elopement, butI knew my mom would be crushed.  My Solution was to just let my mom plan the wedding, and we’re going to have it at a park to keep the costs reasonable.  Really you can just go to the courthouse and have a picnic wedding.  I think long term it is better to involve the families.  Especially since you want to wait a year to elope, wouldn’t it just make more sense to plan a small party, involve your family, and save the elopement trip for your honey moon.  Everyone thinks weddings need to be these expensive lavish affairs, but really you can make it as complicated or simple as you want.

Normally I wouldn’t question someones decision to elope, but since you are both young and live with your parents, I think it’s wise to really consider all of your options before committing to this.

Post # 10
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

Wowsa! Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚ and more power to you. 

Thought – my BF (we are not engaged or married yet) seriously considered a courthouse elopement right when we started talking about getting engaged. But we quickly tossed that idea out. 

A woman I know didn’t want the stress of a wedding/planning/family so she sent out a beautiful letter to all of her family stating this but also that she cared for and respected them, wanted to find a way to include them, etc. — Afterwards she got married in her parents home by the fireplace with just the two sets of parents present. Later on a family member actually threw them a “wedding reception”, she said it was awesome. 

Check out Youtube – Samantha Lindsey, she had a beautiful-simple elopement. 

Post # 11
Member
7518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
summerrose33 :  Why can’t you just say you are going on a holiday? Then you can plan all you want. Or is the staying together thing against your/your families morals?

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