Post # 1
So I had a dream the other night that I went and bought my own engagement ring…and it was gorgeous lol
I was talking in my sleep and boyfriend asked what I was dreaming about so I told him. I am trying REALLY trying to not talk about it all, but it gets hard when friends and family ask, and even my doctor asked at my recent check up…talk about sad….
I mentioned to him that I’m fine with waiting – he seems adamant that it’ll hapen before the end of the year – but not gonna lie. It’s hard when I’m on Facebook and I see nothing but engagement rings, wedding pictures, baby showers, new babies, etc etc….I know Facebook is a horrible way to compare your life with others, but still…It’s hard not to feel pretty pathetic.
I am the type of person who spends all my money on others. I’m a teacher and I basically spend my entire paycheck on my kids when I can. I have no problem buying cheap things so I can make others happy with nice things. I had a similar childhood – didn’t even go to prom because I didn’t have the money. I’ve always looked at a wonderful engagement and wedding as that one special time when it can be all about me.
So, I’m off to the gym to at least tire myself out and stop being so pouty…and it got me wondering….what do you bees do when those ‘poor me’ feeling hit while you’re waiting?
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn
Going to the gym helps. Reminding yourself what is great about your relationship really helps. That’s what I would do when I would see others get engaged…just that I needed to remember that I was with the best guy I know and we have so much fun. We got engaged about a week and a half ago and now I wish I’d never doubted him or questioned my worth.
Post # 3
I agree with the PP, once Fiance and I got engaged I really wished I hadn’t sometimes let waiting get the best of me.
I know it can be hard not to compare your situation to what you see on Facebook, but try not to think about it and just focus on the great relationship you have with your future Fiance.
Post # 4
I went from being pissed off and mopey about waiting to doing a complete 180 mentality turn around. I don’t know what sparked it, but nowadays I am chilled about waiting. i just focus on enjoying time with my SO.
Post # 5
Any challenge in life will make you stronger, just think about that, and let the man surprise you one day!
Post # 6
“Try” is a useless word that implies vaccilating between two possible outcomes. 50/50 odds aren’t that great.
“Waiting” is pretty useless too, since it means…….nothing.
If you only see yourself on a continuum of waiting to be or get or have something that you don’t, and someone else has total control and you have none, the experience looms as bleak.
If instead you are enriching your present life with opportunities to thrive for YOURSELF, you are potentially able to realize goals that are presently just part of your imagination.
Hopefully, that is what is actually happening for you. If it is, think about whether you are in a better place by saddling yourself with “waiting”. My best guess is you’ve got a lot more going for you than that.
Post # 7
Try to ignore the idiots who come onto the “Waiting” boards and make you feel like crap because you’re wiating for a proposal. ^^ These people don’t get it, won’t get it, and will take pleasure in making all of us who are self-identified as “waiting” feel as though we’re fools.
No matter what, being in a waiting period sucks. It just does. If you’ve been told you’re going to be proposed to and you haven’t been yet, then you’re waiting, by no fault of your own. And yes, social media does SUCK. It sucks to see other people moving forward with their lives when you feel like you’re stagnating (even if just a wee bit) in yours.
For me, the bee is both good and bad. I’ve had to take many hiatuses from it because after a while it just makes things worse. Get off wedding bee and maybe take a bit of a break from facebook too. I found that once I stepped away from this stuff and it wasn’t as in my face, I was able to relax and breathe a bit and focus on things for myself.
Going to the gym is a good start! Know its going to happen soon and that regardless, you’re with the man of your dreams right now. Enjoy the time you have together now before you get engaged and things start getting a bit crazy.
You’re not alone OP! *hugs*
Post # 8
I’ve been trying to get myself out of the ‘waiting’ funk on and off for 6+ months. I try to exercise and spend at least 1 day or night a week having fun with friends and family without the boyfriend. I also started writing down things he does that make me happy and things (that involve him) that I’m thankful for and appreciate about him. This helps break me out of my ‘poor me’ mindset and helps me focus on all of the good, fun, amazing reasons why I’m choosing to be with him every day. I’m planning on putting all the little written pieces of paper in a jar or book for him as a post wedding suprise (maybe 1 year anniversary??) so he has something nice to refer to when I’m being difficult 😀 Good luck OP xo
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn
geekgirl84: Seriously, if everyone listened to the ‘He should KNOW by now, you need to leave’ advice, no one would get engaged ever. Turned out my fiancé had been saving for a ring for a good while before we got engaged and I never knew that.
Post # 10
Also in that ‘waiting funk’ and knowing I shouldn’t be, so focusing on non-engagement related stuff like hobbies and fitness. lol should probably maybe sorta kinda stay off the Bee for awhile but I can’t bring myself to do that 😉
One thing I’ve learned though and that’s not to take Facebook seriously. For one thing, I’m a little waiting-weird in that I enjoy reading others’ announcements, even if it brings on a few twinges of envy, but still like seeing the engagement and proposal stories. Secondly- I had an experience fairly recently where I was visiting the home of someone I know through mutual friends and, going by her facebook posts, life was just always so ultra-fabulous for her! She was doing the whole Supermommy thing, a doting husband, a whirlwind of hobbies and interests….but seeing her reality upclose and how different it was from the fairy tale she portrayed to the facebook world, it was so sad and unsettling that I no longer place much stock in these type status updates.
tnfuturebride: +1 🙂
Post # 11
I know. It sucks. It’s so hard.
And I know it doesn’t really help when people say “Just stay positive!” because, when you see all this stuff around you, you’re feeling like crap – you start feeling like you’re not good enough, like you somehow don’t deserve what others have, or you end up looking at yourself asking yourself what’s wrong with you.
My SO told me the best thing one time when I explained my overwhelming feelings to him. I tearfully wept over Facebook photos and stories of “everyone else around us” getting married, and I expressed my feelings of insecurity, and how I was feeling “not good enough to marry”.
He didn’t tell me to “think positive” or “get a hobby”.
His view? “You’re never going to feel good if you keep selling yourself that sh*t.”
It sounds rough, but he said it with kindness. And it was the best, because I realized *I was doing it to myself*. Noone was telling me “You’re not worth it” or “You’re not good enough” — this was all stuff I was saying to me in my head; I was selling it to myself.
If you don’t think he’s serious about marrying you, then you should have that discussion. But if you already have had it, and you’re confident in your relationship, and you’re just waiting — waiting is hard. There’s lots of temptation out there. You must try extra hard to protect yourself from selling yourself garbage.
<3 <3 <3
Post # 12
I’m on the same boat. But here is how I deal day to day…
When I try to talk about it with my SO, I always get “someday”. But I truly feel he has a plan. There are signs here and there.
But I’ve just noticed I have more peace with myself and our relationship is better when I don’t dwell on it. Easier said than done I know. But just keep busy day by day. Enjoy your time together and cherish all these little things in between. Stay off social media! I am not on Facebook hardly at all anymore. I check it once daily before bed and even then.. I don’t scroll down my news feed. I only check messages and notifications. It keeps you from seeing all that mumbo jumbo going on around you.
You said he assured you it will happen by the end of the year. That’s incredibly exciting! Hold on to that and just enjoy all that you do day by day. Do what it takes to keep your mind busy and just focus on making YOURSELF happy 🙂
Post # 13
Thanks ladies on the great advice! Glad to know I’m not the only one that gets those little feeling of jealousy every now and then.
So last night, my boyfriend was really honest with me about when he’s going to buy the ring.(and I doubt he’ll hold onto it long once it’s purchased cause he knows I’m ready hahaha)
He told me he’s waiting a few more months to put down payment that he wants, because it’s more than we both originally thought. First,this lets me know that when we went ring shopping I am pretty certain I’m going to get my ‘dream’ ring…and that alone just reminds me of why I am so lucky and excited to spend the rest of my life with him.
Second, even though I don’t have a ring on my finger, I have someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with and start a family with and a diamond could never compare to that
(even though something sparkly on your finger never hurts either lol)
Exercise, staying off social media, and working on saving $$ for a great wedding are my goals right now. And I’m def joining the shut-it-up pact so I dont drive my poor boyfriend crazy with wedding talk!!
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn
FutureMsR: Yay. Glad you’re feeling better!
Side note, I was a sschool-based therapist for three years and teachers are very special people!
Post # 15
- Wedding: A restaurant on the beach
I am in the same situation as you. We’ve been dating for 9 years but he actually brought up the idea of a wedding. the problem is that he said he’ll have the ring in three months but he won’t propose for an ENTIRE YEAR! I think he is just pulling my leg but sometimes I do get sad thinking it could be that long.
What at I do is focus on planning. I am extremely indecisive and I’ll be starting med school soon so I’ve decided to plan now. When he finally proposes I’ll have everything mapped out for our big day!
You and I are lucky though. There are many bees whose guys are apprehensive about marriage. Our guys want it we just aren’t very patient.