(Closed) How do you know…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

you have to see eachother more often to know. only seeing eachother once a week at this point will tell you nothing IMO

Post # 4
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think that the fact that you describe your relationship as “on again off again” and that you have been “fighting more than normal” are some pretty big red flags. You really need to make sure that you’re both on the same page about where your relationship is going and you’re both committed to making things work.

Post # 5
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I’ve always felt iffy about people getting married after only experiencing an LDR.  I think it’s important to know what being with someone all the darn time is like before you get married, like Miss. Meeps said.  Also, the majority of people who have not lived together before marriage say the first year of marriage is really freaking hard with many arguments.  So if you can imagine it being worse than it is now and are still ok with it, then jump on in.  How long have you been together?

Also, some couples just fight a lot but it’s healthy because they air everything out and don’t engage in the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse which you can read about in any of John Gottman’s books which I would recommend to anyone.

Post # 8
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Since you have a child, do you know how your Fiance is going to adjust to living with a child constantly? I understand wanting to set the right example for your child.. I have a child and was in a similar situation. We have dated off & on for almost 10 years, we broke up for a few years & he moved to another state. We got back together & lived almost 8 hrs apart, when he moved back here we immediately moved back in together.. I’m not sure how old your child is, but mine is older now & since he’s basically been around Fiance since he was born I’ve always known how he would handle my son & how it would be living together.. I’m not saying not living together is a bad idea, but thats another thing you definitely want to consider especially if you are fighting now.. Having a an extra person around 24/7, especially it being a child can add more stress to someone not used to it.

Post # 9
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

@soon2bmrsgarcia: We fight because we miss each other, we fight because we want to spend more time together, and we fight because sometimes I feel like he doesnt make the effort to see me more.  So with all of that I feel like maybe it will get better when we are married.  Am I totally naive?

That makes a lot more sense and that’s something I can comment on.  I think your fights on those topics will definitely stop, but others will surely crop up.  For a year or so my SO and I got in the habit of hanging out with my roommates because I finally had some great roommates.  We noticed that we started bickering practically all the time.  I finally figured out that we were acting more friends-y because we weren’t having the “us” time that we had gotten so used to when we were indifferent towards each others roommates and spent the majority of our couple time alone.  When I brought this up, he was pissy but once we got back into having at least 1 hour of alone time every day before we socialized, our bickering vanished.

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