- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
So normally what I read/see is how girls are so excited when they get proposed to, even if they know ahead of times. Like, SUPER excited, and SUPER excited about getting married. I knew, and I wasn’t exactly excited… I was more… worried what I’d say. We’d talked about it for several months, and it really made all the sense in the world. I felt like I wanted to, but also like I didn’t know if it was right. I figured I’d know when he actually proposed to me. Like I’d get a gut instinct one way or the other! But I totally didn’t. It was really confusing. It took me several seconds, because I kept waiting to feel a “yes” urge or a “no” urge, but just like my normal super-indecisive self, I was like “ohh… I’m not sure… I… I guess?” I figured I’d try it out and see how it felt. It didn’t feel bad. It didn’t feel exciting either. I never really get excited about anything. I over think everything, and I’m always sort of “the grass is always greener.” I’m a super perfectionist and I always wonder if there’s someone better out there for me, someone I’d be somehow happier with.
We have a 1 year engagement, so it’s not long.
I have absolutely no reason to complain about my fiance. He’s the best guy I’ve ever been with. And I’m crazy picky. Aside from my dad, he’s basically the smartest person I know. Book smarts and common sense/logic. He has an excellent career starting, he’s easy to get along with, we have the same beliefs down to the bone (which is like #1 priority for me, and I’ve never known anyone who knows about it and agrees so much!), we never argue but when we don’t see eye to eye we get through it very well and end up agreeing anyway (usually will have just been looking at it from different angles). He’s extremely attentive, and affectionate (always holds my hand, lies/sits with me when we watch TV, etc) has amazing attention to details, ALWAYS knows when I’m upset or bothered by something (and will ask), and is empathetic towards me all the time, and always thinks of me and asks my opinions or preferences. He’s super patient with me and really never gets angry with me. He makes me laugh, isn’t conceited, and he’s pretty good looking on top of it (others would say he’s very good looking, some of his fb friends made joking comments about him being a model in some of his photos… but he’s not quite my exact type, but he’s still attractive). To top it off he has awesome hygiene (almost like a metro guy. haha), a sense of style, and even lost more weight because I prefer my guys lean. And I didn’t even ask. He’s amazingly excited about marrying me, and always says he can’t wait.
So what’s my problem?? Why am I not excited also? I’ve wanted to get married ever since I was like 5. I don’t think I could really ask for a more ideal relationship.
But I can’t figure out what isn’t right. I can’t even say I don’t want to marry him. I THINK I do… but just like everything else… I’m not super sure. I have no reason not to, and I don’t even think there’s someone out there that is better for me.
I went through a slightly more excited phase… but now I’m just bleh. I wonder if I’m just depressed, as I have no job right now (laid off from a job I hated anyway) and am considering going back to school, but surprise, can’t decide between two careers. I’m 26 and would be starting over (already have a degree that I don’t want to use because it’d mostly be sitting at a computer all day)
We don’t live together, and it’s sort of annoying driving back and forth. He always says how he can’t wait to be married to me, and live together, and stuff. And I REALLY want to say “me too!” but I don’t think I can exactly. I’m nervous about it. I think I’m afraid it won’t be right, even though I really have no reason to think that. Neither of us believe in divorce, though. But I’m always a “grass is always greener” person, and grew up with the mantra of “someone out there is always better.” Now, when it was said to me, it wasn’t meant in that light. It was meant in the way that “You might be really good at something, but someone somewhere out there is going to better than you at it.” Maybe it’s taken on a different tone in my head though, and I’m applying it to men?
I was previously in a 7 year relationship that ended because of trust issues. He had originally wanted to marry me, and I kept saying “our relationship isn’t right yet.” He had a lot of growing up to do, but never got there. Then I couldn’t trust him. So it ended. I didn’t think I’d trust anyone ever again fully, and if I did it’d take me years. For some reason I actually trust my fiance, though. Sometimes I get paranoid, but I have no reason to be, and it usually goes away or he reassures me.
Oh, and my parents have been together for like 35 years in the happiest marriage I’ve ever seen. So I have no reason to blame a broken home.
We’ve only known/been together a little over a year, which is much less time than I’d accept. I don’t have many “nevers” in my life, as I was always told that whatever I say “never” to, the opposite of that will come true, so I’ve always been careful. But I ALWAYS said it’d take me at least two or three years before I could decide to get married, and I’d never agree to marry someone in less than 2 years time. But I did. I think that makes me nervous also. I mean… I guess you can never know if it’ll work out, but I feel the longer you’re with someone, the more likely you can tell.
Anyone else have this less-than-enthused problem? Is it a phase? Think I could be just depressed for guy-unrelated reasons? Again, I don’t really get too excited about things in general… I overthink them. I’m indecisive. I worry they won’t be right, that I won’t do them right, that it won’t be perfect and in this case, that the guy isn’t the best guy for me (but I have no reason to think that) and that there might be someone out there that’s better, but if I get married, I’m sealing my fate and it’ll be done. However, I really have absolutely no reason to think it’s wrong. I just… am unsure. I just wish I felt more excited and less unsure/worried. = Anyone else been in these shoes?