(Closed) How do you "know" for SURE you're ready to get married?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

*Hugs* It could be cold feet, it sounds like you really love him ๐Ÿ™‚ I think it is just a phase but it may not be. I would talk to your Fiance about your fears/concerns. Perhaps you fear what a big change being married will be and living together for the first time?

Post # 5
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@anonymous86:  I have lived my whole life in the same house with my parents too, don’t sweat it ๐Ÿ™‚ I am scared of when Fiance and I move out too! It is very daunting! If you ever want to PM to talk feel free ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

You sound like a type A rational person. Have you tried making a pros and cons list? It can help you sort out your feelings. Maybe you two could extend the engagement and tr living together first.

Post # 8
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

To me, it sounds like maybe you’re worried about the change, which is absolutely normal! Regarding the gut instinct, I didn’t get one either, which was super unusual and got me a bit worried, but I don’t think that really means anything either. Your instincts are to keep you safe, I think as long as your gut isn’t telling you ‘no’ then it’s alright.

If you ARE nervous about the change, then it makes sense that you’re not excited. I go from one extreme to the other, one day i’m over the moon, the next I feel anxious, which isn’t logical (as getting married won’t really change anything for us, we’ve lived together for over 4 years and are completely commited), but I have had anxiety for years and get nervous about tiny things, so it stands to reason I get nervous about this. Could it be that what you know right now feels ‘safe’ and you don’t want to risk messing it up?

From what you’ve written you seem well matched and it sounds like you really love each other. Having some anxiety is pretty normal imo. Best of luck =)

Post # 9
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anonymous86:  I think you should be with someone that you wouldn’t hesitate to say yes when being proposed to. It doesn’t sound like cold feet to me, it sounds like you’re just with the wrong person.

We can love people that aren’t right for us to spend our lives with.It honestly doesn’t sound to me like you’re ready for marriage. If you don’t start feeling that it’s ‘right’ or stop having doubts, then I think you need to call it off.

Post # 10
Member
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m concerned about your possible depression.  Reading between the lines, it does sound like a possibility.

I would suggest some individual counseling for yourself to find out if that’s impacting your feelings.

Post # 11
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@anonymous86:  I wasn’t sure I wanted to get married or super excited when I said yes either. I was only sure that I was with the perfect guy for me so I said yes. The excitement kicked in about a year later. We will end up with a 2 1/2 year engagement.

Post # 12
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

When my Fiance and I got engaged, we had been planning the wedding for months so obviously I knew it was coming. In fact I was actually getting kind of impatient with him towards the end of it, and I didn’t get that “YES!” feeling either. In fact my gut response was “HOLY SHIT WHAT HAVE YOU JUST DONE?!?!?” and I was terrified (I have a couple teensy weensy commitment issues Tongue Out). And it took a little while for that to go away. Who you’re going to marry is probably the biggest decision you’ll ever make. I would be worried if someone said they were never nervous in the slightest because I think that would mean that they haven’t thought it through a bunch. Give it a couple weeks and see if the feeling goes away. Then if it’s still there I’d look into it and see if there are larger issues at play.

Post # 13
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@michiru4ever:  THIS! I actually have a bunch of lists saved on my computer about whether he was the one I should marry and whether we should get married right away or wait for a few years. Once I saw how big the “pros” list was, I finally had a clear head.

Post # 15
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@anonymous86:  Making major life decisions based on emotions is highly overrated.  

If you’ve thought about this, and logically you feel this is a good choice, then go with it.  I wasn’t at all excited about my engagement but I am looking forward to being his wife.

Post # 16
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

honestly sweetie, it doesn’t sound like you ate in love with him.  and no matter how amazing he is, you can’t force that.  Now maybe you really are depressed, and that is clouding the issue.  But you need to feel “it” if you are going to marry him.  You deserve it and he deserves it.

The topic ‘How do you "know" for SURE you're ready to get married?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors