(Closed) How do you know it’s the right path? (longish)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2157 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You are the only one who can answer this question.  But if you are doubting, sit down and ask why are you doubting.  Is it because you are afraid to commit your life to someone?  Because those issues can be worked out.  But is it the issue of you are not always compatible? Because then something needs to be done.

Post # 4
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hey there, I think what you are going through is pretty normal. Marriage is a big deal and engagement is fun, but there’s also the part of engagmeent where you have to look at your unresolved issues…and I think most couples have some.

 

How do you know that it’s right? Huh, well, I dont’ really beleive in soul mates, I don’t even know what that means or what constitutes a soul mate, but it sounds like the one and only someone you were destined to be with. Well, I just don’t beleive there is only one person out there for everyone. I think we can be happy with different people, the trick is choosing the right one for the right reasons.

I too have known my Fiance for nearly a decade. We haven’t alwasy been “together” but I know him pretty well by now…and I know that ten years of history is no reason to marry someone. I’ve known lots of people for 10+ years and some of them I’m not sure I want to know anymore! lol. So, forget the history, the past…look forward, what does he have to offer you now.

For me, I know its right because I can’t be without him. There’s nothing more comforting to me than knowing he’s in the next room. There’ sno better feeling than being in his arms….and there’s no one else for me. I feel loved, admired, and safe. That doesn’t mean he’s perfect, or I’m perfect…we are both a work in progress.

Sounds like he loves you, like he has some classic male problems. Bad communication/bad intimacy =) Now is your time to work on these things.

My Fiance doesn’t mind talking things out, but if it’s a reocurring argument, he can shut down, which I think is pretty typical. When he does that I usually let it go…and when things cool off, I ask him when it would be a good time to talk about it again. My fiance’ is still learning how to be romantic and intimate. He enjoys it, he’s just still learning how to express it…so all that can be worked on.

If he won’t discuss something that’s bothering you, I dont see that as fair at all. If romance is lacking, it takes practice. It doesn’t have to be any huge attempt. For me just him coming home and putting his arms around me while I do the dishes is romance. Sitting down at the table and eating with me. Enjoying a sunset…simple things. You shouldn’t expect what you see in the movies. My fiance’ sure wouldn’t want to learn a dance either, so Im going to attempt to get him to learn to waltz, but if that doesn’t work, we’re gonna dance junior high style. I’m sure he doesn’t mean to put a damper on things, maybe he’s just insecure about dancing. My fiance”s teh kinda guy who doesn’t like to try to hard at things either.

 

Me and my Fiance still don’t have it all figured out…we still work on things every day. Premarital counseling really helped us be able to talk about things we usually avoid.

We are still 6 months out from our wedding. I don’t know if cold feet will come…maybe so. I hear it’s quite normal to second guess just about everying while planning a wedding. Remember why you love him…and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

Post # 4
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hey there, I think what you are going through is pretty normal. Marriage is a big deal and engagement is fun, but there’s also the part of engagmeent where you have to look at your unresolved issues…and I think most couples have some.

 

How do you know that it’s right? Huh, well, I dont’ really beleive in soul mates, I don’t even know what that means or what constitutes a soul mate, but it sounds like the one and only someone you were destined to be with. Well, I just don’t beleive there is only one person out there for everyone. I think we can be happy with different people, the trick is choosing the right one for the right reasons.

I too have known my Fiance for nearly a decade. We haven’t alwasy been “together” but I know him pretty well by now…and I know that ten years of history is no reason to marry someone. I’ve known lots of people for 10+ years and some of them I’m not sure I want to know anymore! lol. So, forget the history, the past…look forward, what does he have to offer you now.

For me, I know its right because I can’t be without him. There’s nothing more comforting to me than knowing he’s in the next room. There’ sno better feeling than being in his arms….and there’s no one else for me. I feel loved, admired, and safe. That doesn’t mean he’s perfect, or I’m perfect…we are both a work in progress.

Sounds like he loves you, like he has some classic male problems. Bad communication/bad intimacy =) Now is your time to work on these things.

My Fiance doesn’t mind talking things out, but if it’s a reocurring argument, he can shut down, which I think is pretty typical. When he does that I usually let it go…and when things cool off, I ask him when it would be a good time to talk about it again. My fiance’ is still learning how to be romantic and intimate. He enjoys it, he’s just still learning how to express it…so all that can be worked on.

If he won’t discuss something that’s bothering you, I dont see that as fair at all. If romance is lacking, it takes practice. It doesn’t have to be any huge attempt. For me just him coming home and putting his arms around me while I do the dishes is romance. Sitting down at the table and eating with me. Enjoying a sunset…simple things. You shouldn’t expect what you see in the movies. My fiance’ sure wouldn’t want to learn a dance either, so Im going to attempt to get him to learn to waltz, but if that doesn’t work, we’re gonna dance junior high style. I’m sure he doesn’t mean to put a damper on things, maybe he’s just insecure about dancing. My fiance”s teh kinda guy who doesn’t like to try to hard at things either.

 

Me and my Fiance still don’t have it all figured out…we still work on things every day. Premarital counseling really helped us be able to talk about things we usually avoid.

We are still 6 months out from our wedding. I don’t know if cold feet will come…maybe so. I hear it’s quite normal to second guess just about everying while planning a wedding. Remember why you love him…and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

Post # 5
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@adnama:  This is great advice.

I think it’s normal to doubt your decision a little bit. It’s a life changing decision, and it’s good to question it, to make sure you’re completely certain.

From the bits and pieces you’ve said, I’m wondering if maybe you don’t feel like you deserve someone amazing. If you’ve grown up with family issues, it may have given you low self esteem which doesn’t make you think you deserve good things.

With regard to the issues you’ve mentioned:

1. Different spiritual beliefs: does it bother you that he doesn’t believe in God? Have you discussed how you’d raise any future kids?

2. Communication: this one’s kind of a big deal. How have you guys dealt with issues so far? Do you let things blow over? Does that approach work for you?

3. Not romantic: Try reading the 5 love languages book, it can help you understand how different people express love different. Get your Fiance to read it too if he’s open to it.

Also just wondering, have you talked to him about the cold feet?

The topic ‘How do you know it’s the right path? (longish)’ is closed to new replies.

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