How do you know when it’s time to let go of a friend?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
7105 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like this friendship has run it’s course. If she’s constantly flaking on you, I would take that as a sign that she’s not interested in making an effort. It sucks, but sometimes in life we just grow apart. 

Post # 3
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

It also sounds like work is a huge, possibly controlling, part of her life. But the main thing is that she’s not prioritising your friendship. I would leave the ball in her court now to make it up to you, and if that doesn’t happen then I’d move on

 

Post # 4
Member
5575 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

is102017 :  

I think you should try to move passed it. That work situation is bizarre… I would think that because she canceled on you, it would be in her court to schedule something again. It hurts when a friendship ends but it happens.

Now you know that you did what you could to repair the friendship, so it won’t be in the back of your mind

Post # 5
Member
5123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I don’t think you have to end anything, it sound like the friendship is dead. Id stop making plans and reaching out. Sadly this kind of thing happens.

Post # 6
Member
2822 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

is102017 :  Hard to say since I don’t know either of you or what your friendship has been like apart from what you’ve posted here. That said, I find the work thing incredibly weird- her boss is really a pathological liar and she thinks she has to travel up to the moment she’s about to leave for the airport then to find out there was never any travel? She was just going to show up to the airport with no ticket, flight confirmation, etc? Maybe I’m cynical but my first thought would be to assume she’s using work in order to cancel her plans.

Was she always flakey? Is it just since getting this job? Is it since she started dating her boyfriend?

I’d probably stop reaching out, ball is in her court. I wouldn’t necessarily call off the friendship, but I wouldn’t make her a priority.

Post # 7
Member
559 posts
Busy bee

You know when the friendship becomes more trouble than it’s worth and begins to get one-sided, I think it’s time to cut it loose. Why would you even waste your time on someone who is actively showing you that they don’t care about spending time with you? It’s like you’re running after someone who is running in the opposite direction.

Do you really want to hang out with someone that you have to chase down and tackle just to spend some time with you? 

Post # 8
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I don’t straight up say “friendship over!” but if someone starts cancelling on me a lot or I start to suspect I’m putting in more effort than them I just.. step back. 

I have a couple friendships currently on the backburner like this.. where, if they invite me I’ll happily say yes and show up and have fun..  but I’m not going to be the one doing the set-up time after time.  I try to be the one making the plans every-other time just to be fair, but not surprisingly as a result ball is somewhat perpetually in their court.  I feel zero guilt as I assume it means they don’t really care/notice.

Post # 9
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

I won’t cut people off as such, unless they’ve done something that makes me think they’re not the kind of people I want to hang out with anymore or that I don’t enjoy their company or don’t see any point in having a friendship with them. 

If I find a friendship has become one sided (eg I’m always the one making plans or initiating), or if they perpetually cancel on me, I’ll just tell them “ok you tell me when you’re free to hang out, I’ll leave it up to you”. And ball’s in their court. If they do, cool, if they don’t, I’m just going about living my life as I would. 

Post # 10
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like a one sided friendship unfortunately. I would just stop organising things with her and stop bothering to reach out. If she cares she will reach out to you. Not sure I would reply though.

Post # 11
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I get what you’re going through, my advice is to stop reaching out to her. As adults we don’t really need to declare the friendship as over, we just let it quietly dwindle away. 

Personally, I just got married and my husband and I plan to buy a house and start trying for a baby over the next year. With everything going on I just don’t want to put time and effort into one-sided friendships that just lead to me being disappointed. So basically if I make a few attempts to get together with someone and each time they come up with a reason why they can’t (yet they have plenty of time for other friends – as I can see from social media) then I simply stop reaching out, and I don’t bother them again unless they attempt to make plans with me. Then if they never make the effort to hang out with me, and we stop thinking of eachother when we have exciting or upsetting news to talk about then the friendship is pretty much over. It doesn’t need to be said. The friendship could always return, but I’ve found that when friendships end they never return as strong so they end up dwindling away again

 

Post # 12
Member
864 posts
Busy bee

Idk what happened to my comment, sorey if this is a dup, but I screenshotted it for you 🤦‍♀️

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