(Closed) How do you know when you're a starfish? And what does that really mean?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
354 posts
Helper bee

I thought that was called a dead fish?

Post # 17
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Neber heard the term, but I think it’s kind of funny and I’m pretty sure I’m not one. I actually like “starfish” better as other posters described – spreading all limbs out while sleeping!

Post # 18
105 posts
Blushing bee

I’ll be the exception here – I could sometimes be called a starfish.  Although I suppose I’m less starfish and more pencil.  I have a lot of self confidence issues in bed, which is sad because my Fiance has always been loving and supportive.  But I’m trying to get better!

Post # 19
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I was a starfish for many years with an ex.   When a person thinks it is their God given right to have sex every morning, noon or night,  regardless of how their partner feels.   

Yes I was forced to have sex, but I learned to turn myself off during sex because I just wanted it to be over with so he could leave me alone.   At a comedy club night,  the MC mentioned “Star fish” and I laughed at the joke until my ex turned to me and said I shouldn’t laugh because that is what I do all the time.    Put a damper on my night.

Post # 20
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I read an AMA on another message board from an American who lived in Japan for a few years. The starfish concept, actually called being a tuna in Japanese, was the historically accepted role of the woman in bed. The gist of it was that sexually in the Japanese culture there was an active, masculine, partner and a passive, feminine, partner. The author related some stories about cross cultural confusion in the bedroom with her boyfriends. Her summation was that there are some conflicted feelings within the younger generation about whether being a starfish is a good thing or a bad thing.

Post # 21
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Lol never heard of this term! & I admit I’ve probably been a starfish a few times, though never called out on it much less dumped for it!

Post # 22
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

princesslettuce14:  OMG I just needed to say I totally love your profile picture. This is just the cutest and I need to do a serious tour of the area of our location to fine a nice swing set. I want this so bad haha! 


Umh with regards to the topic – I think you’d notice if you didn’t move or say anything in bed lol. 

Post # 23
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

graygodess20:  Yeah, in our circle of friends, “starfishing” is synonymous to flinging out all of one’s limbs and hogging the bed.

I think it is kind of cruel to apply the term to a woman in bed. It’s like a girl can’t win—too avid and adventurous and you’re a “slut”. Reserved and conservative? Now you’re a “starfish”. Did the guy ever consider that he might be the one that’s a terrible lover?

Post # 24
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I had never heard of that expression either. How boring would that be. It would probably be very awkward LOL

Post # 25
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Kittykitty16:  LOL, I think it actually takes them longer to finish when women starfish. I developed all sorts of techniques  to get my college Boyfriend or Best Friend to finish faster when I just wanted it to end.

Post # 26
2509 posts
Sugar bee

My Fiance was once with a girl like that. Didn’t make any sounds, just laid there still. He even asked her a question like “is that too fast/slow” or whatever and she didn’t answer! Just silence and motionless and looked at him haha

I would’ve been creeped out…

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