(Closed) How do you let go and just TRUST?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
170 posts
Blushing bee

willow_1960:  I used to struggle with this and for me, it was out of pure insecurity. I also used to feel like my SO it out of my league because he’s so good looking, but the longer I’ve been with him I realized… He’s with me for a reason! Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your guy now isn’t the guy you had before. You need to find a way to handle these feelings because if not, I hate to say it could drive your SO away.

Post # 3
12052 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

willow_1960:  I think there’s 2 things here.  If you actually have trust issues therapy might be a good option.  If it’s just your Fiance that you have these issues with maybe there’s a reason.  I do believe in trusting your gut.

I have trust issues but with Darling Husband it’s easy.  It wasn’t easy right away but every time he followed through on a promise it got easier and easier.

Post # 4
2577 posts
Sugar bee

Nothing is guarenteed but if you put your best into your relationship and you both try 110% you have the best chance of making it.

Both me and my Fiance come from a fmaily of divorce so naturally we are both scared a bit. I told him that I believe he is my best match for me and I for him and we will give it our best and thats all we can do.

Worrying won’t change things if things are going to sour:( It sucks but it’s the truth. So just try to enjoy your relationship and make your best effort to be a good partner.

Post # 8
995 posts
Busy bee

I think therapy is going to be the best bet for you. You’ve never opened up or allowed yourself to fully commit into a relationship, because of issues YOU had. It’s not a bad thing, but definitely not healthy. 

Also you keep bringing up your insecurities to your SO time after time can be very straining in a relationship when he hasn’t done anything! And if the relationship is long distance (sounds like it with Skype), you not being able to trust is going to put undue stress on the relationship when LD is hard enough. 

Post # 9
170 posts
Blushing bee

willow_1960:  My SO is military and deployed and during the 9 months he was gone, I worked on myself and got over the insecurity. He was forever away and I couldn’t reach him whenver I liked and  I had to spend a lot of time alone. Turns out I really needed that because I learned a lot about myself and became more independent. Before I really relied on him for my happiness which is a big NO. That was the reason I was so anxious all the time… He controlled my feelings (This was entirely my fault, I made him the center of everything). Before SO’s deployment we were long distance which was probably another reason I was so insecure… I’m not saying it can’t be done but it’s HARD to build trust in a LDR. Since returning from his deployment, we are living in the same city and I think that’s helped a lot. I think therapy would be good for you — maybe you could learn more about yourself and it will help you the way it helped me!

Post # 10
2577 posts
Sugar bee



Yep I used to be kinda in the same situation I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well 3 years in he is just a great guy no catch, unlike past partners. I wasted so much energy being worried for nothing.

I would say relax  but I know it’s hard

Post # 11
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

omg I couldn’t read all that.

But when you are really truly loved, you know it and you trust it. If it’s been a while since he’s shown that love, just ask.

That being said – it’s hard to really have 100% trust when you’re in a LDR. It’s just soooooo easy to lie and not get caught cuz you aren’t around to see the clues.

Post # 13
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: dont know

Sounds like you need some therapy.  Having your confidence up and knowing yourself better will only help you.  I have problems trusting my boyfriend because of mistakes he has made, being bullied in middle and high school, and having lousy boyfriends in the past, and you can get past it.  It takes alot of work ans soul searching but oftentimes these doubts can cause more problems then they need.  Get counseling if you can afford it, or talk to a church/mosque/synogogue/ whatever leader for guidance they are often helpful too.

Post # 15
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think everything you posted is porof of that cheesy old saying that you can’t love someone else until you can first love yourself.

If you think there is something wrong with you, or that you are inferior and undeserving of your partner, then you will always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for them to move on to someone else. Unfortunately, as you’ve seen, this attitude can only push your partner away, and actually make it far more likely something like that will happen. It becomes a self-fulfilling prohecy.

I think that if you can’t learn to love yourself on your own, then maybe therapy would be helpful.

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