(Closed) How do you long-distance bees do it?

posted 5 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
1014 posts
Bumble bee

@cat89:  Hey, I live in Auckland and FH is living in Melbourne, so we’re doing the long distance thing for a couple of years.  I definitely understand how much you must miss your Fiance when he’s away for long periods of time.  I’m afraid I can’t really offer much advice other than what you’ve already mentioned – we communicate via Skype and on the phone, and send frequent emails.  It’s hard at times, but we make it work.  I quite like this site, it has a few good ideas for staying close from a distance:



Post # 4
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

@cat89:  Our time difference isn’t too bad, so the inconvenience due to that is minimal for us. 

You know, honestly I’m not sure what to tell you. I was an emotional wreck the first year of our LDR. Boyfriend or Best Friend was not, mainly because he just accepted the situation as it was from the very beginning. His attitude is, “I miss you, but there’s nothing we can do about this right now so let’s not think too much or complain too much and just make the best of it.” I’m a lot better now after about 1.5 yrs of distance, though I still find it hard and cry sometimes. 

Keep in touch, obviously. Other than that, keep yourself busy. That’s the best medicine. Your sweetie will be back home before you know it if you keep yourself busy.

Post # 5
119 posts
Blushing bee

I also had a hard time sleeping without my SO when we were long s

distance. I slept with a shirt that smelled like him and it helped me sleep at Night. 

Post # 7
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Awww, hun, I’m so sorry you’re gonna experience an LDR.  It can be very painful, I won’t lie.  But there are lots of things to help.

I know you said you’ll be on vastly different schedules, but that just makes this next part more important: carve out time, if not every day at least once or a couple times a week, to set aside and Skype.

Leave little videos for each other- it’ll be like a moving voicemail on your phone!  (Have you seen the VlogBrothers?  These two guys decided to only talk to each other through non-text communication, so they made 4 minute videos to send each other.  It was more of a blog, but it might help you guys to set up something like that).

Little message throughout the day help a lot, even if it’s a quick FaceBook message.

There are a bunch of online things.  You can do some online games (like checkers or chess).  You can even watch videos.  My guy and I used to watch Big Bang Theory “”together” the day after it aired.  We would start the video at the same time and comment to each other via Skype.

Send letters and packages if you’re able.  Physical things like that keep it from just being a “virtual relationship.”

I second others on staying busy.  It wasn’t hard for me- I was in school and a million organizations.  But some other thigns I turned to were making plans with friends and family, reading, taking up crafty hobbies (specifically scrapbooking, which I love now) that keep your hands busy, volunteering with kid programs at the local library.

While it’s not the same, my mom (bless her heart) was going through empty nest syndrome a couple years ago.  She grabbed a friend, and they took dancing lessons, sewing lessons, cupcake decorating lessons…  All kinds of things.  Take a cooking class!  Or maybe baking, and you’ll have an excuse to eat chocolate all the time. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I don’t know if it’s possible, but you could come visit him for a week (or he could visit you)!  It could be like a vacation…  Him from work, or you to the good ol’ U S of A haha.

It’s really hard, but trust me, you can get through this.  And if you ever want to talk, just send me a message. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
1228 posts
Bumble bee

Ugh. We have been long distance longer than regular distance! I’m so tired of it.. I hate it. I really do. I feel so miserable and depressed about it almost every day. I try to look on the positive side and be happy I have someone that I miss so much and that him being further away has allowed me to do well in other aspects of my life as I have a lot more free time.. But it’s just so hard all the time. 

I don’t know the solution nor do I have advice.. Just kind of a “Right there with you” miserable post.. 

Post # 9
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Apple_Blossom:  I agree with this. I think with long distance, people tend to get complacent. Schedule dates, use webcams (seeing the person’s face helps) and send little “I’m thinking of you messages” throughout the day.

 While LDR really really sucks the big one, in some ways, doing it for 5 years (as Darling Husband and I have done) has made us much more active participants in our relationship. We know that we really have to give constant attention, stay positive, and be in tune with what the other person wants ENTIRELY through verbal communication rather than physical communication. While we are really ready to be done with our LDR, it has been an excellent way to really solidify our communication skills. We also found that when both of us were busy we were much better partners to one another. When one of us had a lot of free time, it led to a lot of sadness, which inevitably will make the busier of the two of you resentful. Make friends, find a hobby, jump into work until your loved one returns. Finally, I’ve realized how important it is to stay positive. When one or both of us just looked to the other as someone to listen to sadness or worries, it got overwhelming. It’s important to keep conversation selfless and positive (not ALL the time, obviously, but make sure to strike a balance). That also includes jealousy. In order to make sure you guys are always on a positive note, make sure to keep any sort of lack of trust in check when he is away!

As far as planning a wedding, I made sure to get all of his input on the big stuff during a week we were together. From there, I basically gave him stuff to take care of (like, please order the invitations by this date, please draft the ceremony  by this date). He was super helpful. I also planned our wedding away from both the wedding site AND my female friends and family, which meant a lot of phone conversations and emails asking for advice. Also, not to sound too cheesy, but weddingbee was super helpful! 

Post # 10
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

we were LD when we just met and were ridiculously in love, which was hard. I also recognize your statements about finding it a little hard to care properly for yourself when alone – I feel you! But this is really important. Things like getting some excersise, eating proper meals and such are really key. Don’t make yourself more miserable! Make plans for your days and stick with them. Be good to yourself. 

As for your SO – IMO long distance with a fixed end point and long distance for indefinite are two very different things. We always knew that in ie 9 months and two weeks etc we were able to live together. We would travel together quite a lot too during our LD days which was amazing. These things, especially knowing that there was an end to it, was really key. I really regret not being better at spending time with friends during this period however. I know it’s hard when you really miss him, but DO try to make the most of your time. Take up a new hobby, read the same books or watch the same movies and discuss them together on skype. It’s all in the small things ๐Ÿ˜€ There are plenty of things you can do to strengthen your relationship while apart. You’ll probably find that communication will be much more in focus too, even if you already have this part down it’s really good practice…. for us this actually gave a pretty solid foundation. 

As you say you’ve never lived without him as an adult. It sounds like you’ve never really been confronted with the fact that we as humans per definition are alone. Not to sound depressing, but we’re born alone and we die alone, and in between we do what we can to fill our lives with people we love which is a great thing. You’re being confronted with this somewhat scary fact right now – probably for the first time. Existential stuff, you know. It’s not easy to be apart from your love but think of it as a life lesson too if you can. And know it’s just temporary. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@cat89:  Skype Skype Skype. I have been with my Fiance since high school so I TOTALLY get the never on your own as an adult thing. In august I moved 8 hours away for graduate school and he has been looking for a job here since I found out I was admitted in May. It has been draining not know when if at all he will find a job here but skype helps a lot, heck sometimes we even sit and just watch the same show and don’t say a word. I will say its probably good I have had some time living on my own if only for the fact I appreciate the partnership my Fiance and I have especially when living together so much more. I know its much farther for you but at least you have a concrete countdown. I find for me it always helps to do a comparison like that. For instance, my Fiance cousin was apart from her Fiance for eightish months while he was in Iraq. I couldn’t imagine what she went through/ what military partners go through so having a little “hey its not  that bad” reality check helps A LOT. I have also been (until the semester ended so now thankfully I have the holidays with my FI) super busy with school work and I think staying occupied is also key. I got a lot of DIY wedding stuff done to so thats an upside! Good luck! 

Post # 12
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

@cat89:  You should do the things @Apple_Blossom listed! That’s pretty much how SO and I have kept this thing going. Sorry, I was too tired to type a long post late last night, lol.

Post # 13
265 posts
Helper bee

We have been in a LDR for 14 months now.  It’s been tough, but we get through by talking on Skype.  We usually get to see each other every weekend, but this past weekend’s horrid weather prevented me from traveling.  He’s coming here this weekend.  He has talked about working out the country for a year or so.  He used to be in the army, so this would be related to that.  I honestly don’t know if I could make it if he did that.  When he first mentioned it to me, I didn’t know how to respond.  I cried a lot whenever we talked about it.  He always told me not to cry, but I thought, how do you expect me to respond to you being gone for a year?  Thankfully, he decided not to do that.  It is tough, but I keep telling myself that we won’t be LD forever.

Post # 14
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@cat89:  My fiance and I did long distance for the first year of our relationship. It wasn’t easy and we’d occasionally argue because it created a lot of tension, but we got through it. What helped me was that it was during the last year of my undergraduate degree. I was so focused on school that it probably would have been a huge distraction if he were there with me. I’d just really focus on yourself and your hobbies. Time will fly!

Post # 15
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@cat89:  I don’t find it that difficult but then I am extremely busy at work and like to crash out alone at night in sweats. I feel weird doing that when we are together,

Post # 16
1784 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We did international long distance for two and a half years. Other than Skype and email, I liked to crochet things to send him. It kept me busy when I wasn’t doing things for school, and making something for him made me feel closer to him. 

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