Post # 17
SKYPE, skype, skype. You will have a closer relationship with being longdistance believe it or not. You have to communicate and you will learn so much more about eachother. It’s not like going on a date to the movies and sitting there not saying anything… with LD relationship you have to talk! You will have heartache, which is normal and you will have laughter and find that you appreciate the little things you share.
My man is on the East Coast for 14 months this time around. He tells me all the time how he never thought he’d miss my cold feet at night and longs to sit on the couch next to me and rub my head – little things. I miss his smell, before he left he hung a shirt in my closet sprayed with his colonge – little thing.
You have to make the time to talk routine. Laughter is good, sometimes I just hold up a sign with a crazy message when Skype connects – like: “Is this yours?” and have a crazy sock attached to the sign. Or I’ve even mailed him half chocolate bar with a note “saved half for you”. I send him pictures of sunset (via phone) with “sharing this with you”. He loves the odd uncommon things.
I’m sure you will find your groove to help things run smooth.
Post # 18
@cat89 As silly as this sounds….you just end up finding a way to do it. I couldnt tell you how i did it for over 2 years, just that not doing it would have been harder than doing it. We saw each other about 3 times a year since it was an International long distance relationship and I wont lie that it’s hard. But it really builds up a couples strengths and communication skills…. There’s no “kiss and make up” with long distance. You have to talk through it.
Just take care of yourself, keep yourself mentally and physically healthy and remember to love yourself and spend time with family and friends who can help support you when you’re down or having especially lonely days.
oh and ps. The odd naked or sexy picture message can’t hurt. 😉
Post # 19
It sucks! I’m in the US and he’s in London, we visit each other 4 to 5 times in the year. We talk ALL the time. Like all day everyday, we’ve been at this for about 2 years. We are getting married next year. We have an end of the LD in sight so we always find comfort in that.
Post # 20
Thank you all for the ideas – and the realisation that you all manage OK! It has cheered me up a bit 😀
I’m a bit worried about the communication thing – I have to admit we are both guilty of failing a little in that respect. Hopefully it will solve that or will it just make it worse? My Fiance is a major computer geek and spends so much time in the Lab that he sort of runs his own ship now… I hope he won’t forget me 🙁
Post # 21
It’s crappy, but you just do it. Try to focus on the good parts of being apart
– It will allow you to cultive more independence
– Girls night!
– Gives you extra time to connect with other friends and family
– Gives you time to pursue other hobbies, esp those that you know are not of interet to your SO
– You get to live alone! That means sleepign in the middle of the bed, always finding things where you left them, the freedom to be as messy/clean as you want to be. You can rearrange cupboards and furniture just how you like them.
– You can have only “your food” in the house. For example, if your SO brings tempting junk food into the house that you don’t wannt to have around, it’s gone. Or if you have yummy leftovers in the fridge, no one will swipe them.
– It gives you a chance to miss each other, which makes each time you get to see each other a fun exciting adventure. Beind LD can be quite romantic.
– You can binge on wedding stuff all night long without him getting annoyed.
Focus on the positive, it’s all you can do.
Post # 22
Fiance and I were long distance for 6 months shortly after we first got together. I was in Ontario, Canada and he was in South Australia. Between the time difference and our heavy work schedules it was not ideal. What I did find was a plus though was that we were forced to really communicate, I think that one of the pluses of physically being together is that you don’t always have to be talking in order to spend time together, but when you are in an LDR communication is all you have, and we took advantage of this, having all sorts of conversations that we maybe otherwise would not have had.
My biggest tip is that Skype is your friend – your best friend. In addition to just chatting we would have skype “dates” where we would watch movies together (started at the same time so we could laugh together and chat about it), cook similar meals and then eat them together by candlelight, and even occasionally get frisky together (blush).
What makes your situation unique and in my opinion, better than many others in LDRs is that you will have a set end date to look forward to. This is a big thing to be thankful for as many people in LDRs are in ‘indeterminate’ LDRs in which they do not know how they will resolve the issue of distance.
Good luck! 🙂
Post # 23
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Skype Skype Skype! We used to leave it on for hours at a time and just go about our business as if the other person was in the same room!
And lots of personal hobbies.
Make lists of books you’ve been meaning to read, or movies, or whatever. Crafts? Take a class? You should take advantage of this time, if possible, since you are going to have to do it anyway. OWN it. 😀
Post # 24
I. HATE. LONG. DISTANCE. HATE IT.
So I can totally relate, and I’m so sorry that you’re going through it. Nothing can replace having SO physically next to me. What helps me is having a plan and envisioning being together again in the future. In the meantime, Skype, text messaging, and phone calls all help.
LD does give the relationship a different dynamic that you can take advantage of. It has given us a lot of time to reflect upon the relationship and bring up any topics that need to be addressed. Also, remember this is a rare opportunity for you to focus on just yourself, to learn how to be more independent, and to grow as a person.
Post # 25
We started dating not in the same town and dated for three years living 70 miles apart (not exactly LONG distance but not down the street either). Then I went to grad school 400 miles away for 2 years and it sucked – saw each other once a month. We were used to going about daily life without each other so I think that’s what made it easier. Now we live together and THANK GOD for that because we were soooooo over distance dating after five years.
My only advice would be to stay in contact. We texted all day every day and it was almost as if we were walking through life together just not physically. Does that make sense? It was comforting knowing what he was up to or what his plans were.
Post # 26
its not easy. for the wedding i had to plan everything because of DHs work. it kind of sucked because people would be like “you cant do it all by yourself” and i had to! what did they expect. not to??? DH is working his butt off! but i spent a lot of time DIY ing the hell out of my wedding!! we cant skype because hes out on the ocean most the time, and you cant even talk on the phone some times. i knew what i was getting into. but im completely and madly in love with him and would wait a million years if i had to. but as time went on in the summer i joined a softball league and made a ton of new friends to keep me busy. after the wedding i started other projects like i actually made all my christmas cards…. i know. what was i thinking as it took days for a couple. some times i sleep on the couch cuz its hard to go to bed without him. i watch alllllll my girly girly shows like nuts too. some times i cook but without him i barly do it. its sooo easy to stay on a diet without him lol. and then i wake up at 5 (recently) to work out. i do things like totally orangize the closet. this year i think hes been home for a total of three months. if that. this year has been the hardest but he should be home in Feb for a month or two!! i also just moved next door to my friend (my age with kids but divorced) and i hang out there a lot. some times its hard for me to go home cuz theres nothing there. unfortunatly i drink and smoke more when hes gone. but not crazy like. i really really really want a dog. he doesnt right now but im the one home alone all the time. at least an f-ing cat. but we’ll see.i get threw it though because no matter what hes got it worse than i do. most the time he has no connection to the world, maybe no heat (like recently and its winter) or people some times. but i love him and some times “my life is like a lemon drop, where im sucking on the bitter to get to the sweet part. i know there are better days ahead ..;-)”
Post # 27
@cat89 I have several ways that I coped with our long distance stint. (5 years of university, 1 year of working overseas every other month. Together 9 years now and married. :))
-STAY BUSY. I had my own GPA to worry about, a job, running/fitness, friends, jiu jitsu, painting.
-Both of you: write playful and detailed emails in addition to talking on the phone and skyping. Receiving these was the best part of my day. Text back and forth too.
-STAY BUSY. I took up road cycling and spent my spare time planning rides and researching gear.
-Remember, you miss him but you’re still a couple and you won’t actually die from being separated. I know that seems an odd thing to say, but sometimes to me it felt like the end of the world when he would have to leave. I tried to put it in perspective.
-Make plans for when it will end. The amount of time you will be long distance is finite, after all. You know when it will end and you can look forward to that. Where you’ll live together, whether you’ll get a pet or have babies… Stuff like that.
-Visit back and forth as much as practical. In-person time helps a lot.
-STAY BUSY. I even got a second job for awhile.
I don’t blame you one little bit for being upset. Long distance is HARD. Be patient. It was totally and absolutely worth it in the end.
Post # 28
I can second that making future plans helps. My SO and I talk about where we could possibly live all the time. He would move to where I live in a heartbeat if he could, but it’s going to be difficult for him to get a job here. We have also discussed children and getting a dog. I think that you have to plan your future so that the end can be in sight.
Post # 29
i try to stay busy. today is a hard day for me. he left agian and its been one week, at this point im really starting to miss him. he was here over the holidays but was gone a few weeks before that. last year when i planed the wedding i had to do it by myself. DH is a commercial fisherman and we live in alaska. i tried to stay busy with softball and summer events in well the summer. but winter. dark (here anyway) and sooo idk lame. ugg. i just count the days till we can see each other again. i try to work out. i rarly cook without him but try here and there to meal plan and eat healthy. ive been trying to convince him that i want a puppy since hes always gone. but hes having a hard time saying yes., idk why im the one just hanging out in town. i try to do crafts, art. its like im tired at night but sleep later since hes not home. i dont know why. i do go visit my friends a lot but i have to be carefull. i did this just this weekend and ended up drinking a storm up…. now im sore, hungover, lazy and i miss him. damn it. he is also in a tough spot. hes either working on his boat in a town where he knows no one and cant even cook, he doesnt even have a bathroom. i have to keep in good spirits because he has a really tough time in such a crappy cicumstances. hes usually gone (we ve been together seven years) every summer (fishing). but the last few years hes had to be gone most the winter…. so hopfully this work will done and this winter we will be together more often!!
Post # 30
I did almost two years of LD with my now-fiance while we were dating, one year of which he was deployed which makes communication pretty tough. At the time I lived on the East coast of the US and he was stationed in Alaska, which is a four time zone difference, and then Afghanistan, which was a 9.5 hour time difference (no, I don’t know why Afghanistan has a .5 hour offset from everybody else, it’s a messed up place).
Early on, when it was still open-ended (we had no idea where he’d be going after that station and I had no concrete plans to join him) it was incredibly hard. But once we knew when he would be rejoining the non-arctic world and I had plans to join him, it was so much easier, even though it was still a long, long wait. Long distance where you know there’s an end point is just like waiting on any other long-term goal- the same techniques you use to manage delayed gratification in anything will work to cope with this. Set short term goals (“I will finish X project by the three month mark”, “I will accomplish my personal best time running a 5K before our first visit”, whatever) to give you something to count down other than his return, and so you don’t waste all your time pining. Keep tabs on the time left (a counter is nice) but do so creatively- I found it very comforting to reframe it in terms less depressing than hundreds of days- “He will be home in 3 haircuts, four work schedules, one change of the Brita filter”). Goofy but it cheered me up when I was overwhelmed by the slowness a ticker takes to visibly change.
And keep him a part of your daily routine- one of the things that makes a relationship intimate is familiarity with the every day things in ones life, so even the mundane stuff is good to share. Tell him when small changes happen, let him know some details of each day- you don’t need a minute by minute catalog of your activities, but even something as small as a photo of a new outfit, a description of a funny incident at work, or your excitement over a new lunch spot and what you had there helps keep him in the loop of your daily life. Also talk about your plans together for the future- this will help put this brief period in context and keep either of you from slipping in to a funk about your current condition, which is just a moment in the length of time you’ll spent together.
Try to think of this positively- this may be the only time in your life you live alone for 6 months! It’s an adventure, and although of course you will miss him, there are very real perks to being a temporary singleton. Schedule what you want, when you want, play the music you like as loud as you like, binge on the entertainment you choose without guilt or compromise, spend time with friends without concern that he’s at home alone, take day trips where you don’t have to talk to anyone at all. Enjoy your time with yourself. It won’t be the same as having him there and you will certainly miss him, but you will find things you enjoy about it too, if you look for them. And it’ll all be over before you know it.
Post # 30
Well, my fiancé has been away for almost 5 months now, it doesn’t get any easier. It is actually the hardest thing you will ever go through. However, you guys seem to have a very strong relationship based on real love and feelings and that will actually make things lighter. You will use skype a lot! A LOT! You will learn to wake up in the morning without expecting him to show up with breakfast or coffee, and as hard as it is you will get to built your own little simple life while he is away. You will realize that this experience will make you love him even more than you did when he was by your side. You will see that communicating without physical interaction is different than live conversations and it will be the greatest test your love will go through and I’m sure you will do great! Right now just make the best out of the days you have him by your side!
Don’t worry time goes by very quickly, it seems like it was yesterday when my fiancé left, I’ve spent Christmas, new year’s eve, valentine’s day and my birthday without him! But here I am and we are better than ever! Just keep in mind and always focus on seeing him soon! Use those words instead of depressive ones, instead of focusing on the difficulty of being apart focus on how great it will be when you guys will reunite!
Best of luck!